Ancients and Currents Misbehave: A Hetalia Presentation
by Karatelover
Summary: The Ancient Nations & empires of Assyria, Ancient Armenia, Armenia's two daughters Western & Eastern Armenia, with Georgia & her parents Iberia and Colchis, Persia, Scythia and more as these ancients and currents make trouble and try to get out of trouble! Short chapters and appearances by bosses, England, France, Greece, Ottoman Empire (Turkey), Russia, Ukraine, Belarus and more!
1. Chapter 1

_Assyria Meets England_

Before we talk about how England and Assyria met, we need to first find out who this Assyria chick is!

Long ago there was a beautiful country named Assyria, she was so lovely that she did not have to pluck her uni-brow since that was the style among the Assyrians! Assyria was a Semitic nation like the Jews and the Arabs, until the Arabs took over and turned it into an Arabized nation, and then it was taken by Turkey!

Before all that bloodshed and genocide of her people she ruled over, she used to be into worshiping gods that looked like lions and maybe birds! Sometimes in her "imagination", that is if it was her imagination, one does not know so, these statues would turn into real beings and talk to her!

One day she was at the temple in Nineveh and prayed to the lion God, "Oh dear lion God, you have always been there for me, when the Persians took over, when the Arabs took over, now will you be there for me when this Jewish peasant called Jesus Christ tries to conquer our territory?" Assyria asked the Lion God.

All the sudden the old statue of the lion God transformed into a lion with a humanoid body, which had a lion tail, lion face, whiskers, paws and claws, and he wore an Assyrian wig with was the color auburn! He also had a gold necklace on and oval ruby in the middle of it. He let out a majestic roar!

"Why have you come to me to complain about this guy?" The lion God asked.

"For one thing I don't think Jews have last names, their God is a cruel God who kills Egyptian children and then kills native Israelites who have no reason to exist to them! He might speak the same language as me, which is in fact Aramaic, but he's just a Jew. He's nothing but a Jew and that's all he'll ever be! Why should I listen to a Jew tell me what his God needs me to do?" Assyria asked.

"Exactly, he's just a Jew, he's nothing special, and he's no more than someone who claims that he's the son of God. We don't have DNA tests to prove that he's a mortal or a demigod!" The great lion god said.

"What's a DNA test?" Assyria asked.

"You will find out thousands of years from now!" The lion God said.

"Right I will make a pilgrimage to watch this Jew get crucified! I think his cruxcification is in a couple of days!" Assyria said.

Days later after Assyria traveled to Jerusalem, she met up with her friends ancient Greece, Rome, the two Georgian kingdoms Colchis and Iberia, Ancient Armenia! "Am I late for the crucifixion?" Assyria asked.

"No you are just in time; here I saved some rocks for you to throw at him!" Colchis said giving Assyria some rocks.

When Jesus was being situated on the cross Assyria and her ancient friends started throwing rocks at Jesus, "Take that bastard!" Assyria said throwing a rock at Jesus's head, which made it bleed.

Then the moment came that nobody, not even the lion God expected! Jesus raised his head to the clouds and said, "Father why have you forsaken me? Please forgive these countries and my people, and the Romans, for they know nothing of what they did was wrong!"

After hours passed Jesus finally passed away, and Assyria and her friends just stood there shocked and bewildered, feeling awful about what they did to poor Jesus.

Ancient Armenia started to cry, "I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! We acted like jerks to him, like he didn't have a voice, and now I want to be the first country to be Christian!" Ancient Armenia said crying as she ran off back to her boss to tell him what happened.

"Me too, I feel major guilt! I fight too much with my husband in front of our daughter Georgia, and yet this poor man forgives me for throwing rocks at him!" Colchis said.

Then Colchis's husband Iberia started to cry hard, "I can't believe it! What have we done? I'm setting a bad example for our daughter!"

"Dear, we left her at home so that she didn't have to watch this, watch us behave like savages!"

Ok, ok, we get the point! So all of Assyria and her friends became Christian countries, Ancient Armenia the first, Georgia the daughter of Colchis and Iberia in which they instated Christian values into her, Rome followed long after them and made Ancient Greece Christian in which she passed onto her soon Greece "the kitty lover", Assyria became Christian as soon as she dumped her lion God for Jesus to save her life.

However, even though the nations became Christian, that did not spare them from a lot of centuries of bad karma!

Rome fell to a bunch of savages that lived outside of the Roman Empire, then after that happened he retreated into the dark and cried for many years! His decedents had issues with Spain, the Ottoman Empire, France, Germany, Japan, England and everyone else in Europe!

Ancient Greece died along the lines somewhere, and gave her empire to her son Greece! However, Greece was taken over by Ottoman Empire, forced to boss his Christian subjects around since Ottoman Empire hated to talk with the embittered Christians, had to deal with watching his people be persecuted by fascist Muslims, and then started a cat farm in which many unwanted kittens and cats could go to be taken care of, forever as Greece shall live!

Ancient Armenia died some-time ago, and left her empire to her two fraternal twin daughters! Eastern Armenia then went with Russia to escape the Ottoman Empire, her sister went with the Ottoman Empire after he defeated her in battle, and had a hell of a long history of being persecuted for being smarter than Ottoman Empire, and for being a Christian since she did not want to be a Muslim!

Colchis and Iberia passed both of their kingdoms onto Georgia, many years later Georgia became a part of the Russian empire after she fought the Ottoman Empire off successfully and thought she could trust Russia because it was a Christian nation! However, she sadly realized that she would not be equal to Russia's people, nor would she be able to be a Georgian without being made fun of for having a thick accent and flirtatious partially savage temperament!

So you are probably wondering when we're going to get to Assyria and England meeting each other? You'll have to wait I assure you that it will happen sooner than I could say, "Prussia is awesome!"

For many years Assyria suffered under major persecution, not just because she was one of the only Christian nations in the Middle East at the time, but because she was strange…and I mean strange! One day Iraqi Kurdistan, Persia, Ottoman Empire, and Arabia all crowded around her and laughed at her bad make-up and that stupid wig that was too old and big for her head!

She started crying when they said, "Assyria is Christian! That means that she's a Jesus lover! Ha ha ha!"

"Stop it leave me alone!" She yelled running off to the temple where the lion God statue still lived!

She then kneeled and prayed, "Dear, dear old friend, I know I haven't spoken to you in a long time, but my people are being put up for annihilation not just by those savage Ottoman Turks, but also by those savage Kurds and Arabs! Even Persia has turned her back on me! What did I do to deserve this! I told Jesus I was sorry that I threw rocks at him!" Assyria said crying.

The lion then came to life and shook his head, "Oh so you abandoned me for some Jew that claimed to be the son of God, get your ass kicked in battle and then live to tell me about it? Now you come back to me after thousands of years of being a Christian like your other Christian friends that threw rocks at Jesus? You got some nerve lady! You no longer deserve to wear this wing!" the lion said grabbing Assyria's wig off her head.

Assyria did not have any hair under that itchy wig that she always wore! She had her head shaved so she could wear that wig without it itching so much! The lion gasped, "What happened to your actual hair?"

"I shaved it because my wig was started to itch my head, and my hair made it worse!" Assyria said crying in the temple.

Assyria left the temple crying with her bald head showing. She ran for days across Syria watching as many people died from starvation and systematic governmental murder. This was World War 1 after all and Ottoman Empire had the horrible duty to put the Christians in their place! His bosses, yes he had three at once Taalat, Enver and Jemal Pasha all told him to help them kill the Christians off because they were a threat to the Ottoman Regime and would only bring the Ottoman Empire down.

Assyria had hit rock bottom it seemed like, her people were up for elimination by many countries and empires at once, and she was now stuck in the middle of the Syrian Desert Dier-ez-Zore!

Ottoman Empire threw some rocks at her, "Hey Christian, why don't you come over here and try to convert me!" he yelled.

Ottoman Empire had his foot on Western Armenia's back, she was being punished severely by him because he heard rumors that she loved Russia instead of him, after all she and Ottoman Empire were going study and he suffered from jealousy! He didn't want to kill her, but he wanted to convert her to Islam and Turkifcation to save her life from his murderous leaders! She was being a complete "pain in the butt" about it!

"No, Jesus loves me! He wouldn't do that to me!" Assyria yelled running away and crying. She then after running for miles tripped and fell into a ditch!

It was dark and she was still in that ditch overnight, she got bored and then started to cry. Then something magnificent happened….she burst into song!

"_My dream, flew away, and here I am to stay! Where did my dream go? In the clouds or in the snow! How the hell would I kn…"_ before Assyria could finish that horrid Les Miserable parody song, someone shown a light onto her.

Now for the moment you have all been waiting for….duh….duh…duh..DUUHHH….DUHHHH!

"Who is down there?" asked a really former sounding English accent! It was Arthur, the actual England himself! As of what he was doing in Syria, that was another mystery! Ok so it was not really a mystery at all, he was there to help Lawrence of Arabia get the Arabs together to fight against Ottoman Empire and his Ottoman Turkish underlings!

It was a huge pain in the ass for him since many of the Arab tribes laughed at him and made fun of his British accent, even though they did not speak English or could read or write! Lawrence was the only one who did what he could to protect England from sudden Arab rival tribal slaughter! The Arab tribes were as divided as the Kurdish and the Turkish tribes, and England putting them in their place did not do anyone justice!

"Who are you? Are you a Turk or an Arab?" England asked.

"I'm neither; I'm a nation believe it or not! My name is Assyria, I am a Christian and my people are being subjected to systematic massacres of great proportions, it just sucks that I can't do a thing about it!" Assyria yelled.

Arthur jumped into the hole and looked at Assyria, "You aren't one of my imaginary creature's friends are you?" he asked.

"Are you kidding me? Don't I get enough of that insult from Ottoman Empire and Persia?" Assyria asked.

"Your eyes are just piercing red, like Prussia's except they are way redder and more ancient looking. Wait a minute, where is your hair?" England asked.

"I shaved it off so my scalp wouldn't itch as much, and the lion God took my wig from me because he was mad at me for abandoning him for Jesus Christ, but that was thousands of years ago, I thought that for sure he would…"

"Wait, who is this lion God of yours? Is he an imaginary friend?" Arthur asked.

"No he's not imaginary, he's actually a God, but he's my ex God! He's just not happy that I converted to Christianity to apologize to Jesus for throwing rocks at him!" Assyria said.

"Well that's a dumb reason to convert to Christianity!" England said.

"No you don't understand, he forgave my friends Ancient Armenia, Colchis and her husband Iberia, Rome and Ancient Greece for throwing rocks at him and calling him horrid names!" Assyria said.

"Look let's take you back to my tent and you can tell me more about your imaginary lion god ok?" England said taking Assyria back to his tent.

"I'm telling you he's not imaginary, he's an actual entity that comes in the form of a human-bodied lion!" Assyria said as she was being dragged out by England.

Hours later she was sipping on hot coco although it was kind of silly to be sipping anything hot in the desert; however the desert had the tendency to be cold at night. England looked at Assyria and tried to examine her, she wasn't particularly a classic beautiful woman like maybe Helen of Troy, Aphrodite, or Anna Karenina. She was more of a classic Cleopatra-like beauty since Cleopatra was not good looking!

"We'll get you a new wig so that you can grow your nature hair back and hide your bald head under it," England said.

"Thanks, I can't believe how great this tent is, it's so sad that my friends Ancient Rome, Ancient Armenia, Ancient Greece and Colchis and Iberia couldn't be here to sip hot coco with us." Assyria said looking in the light.

All the sudden a jeep showed up and out jumped France! That handsome, perverted, bi-sexual, pedophile and anything else you can associate sexuality and romance! He was very rude, he loved to run around naked and he loved to insult England. England hurt him long ago, so it was only natural that he would hurt England back…..which leads us into our next story!

To be continued!


	2. Chapter 2

_Assyria and England's Imaginary Friendship_

Last time we left off, England found Assyria who fell down a hole, in which it was an archeological site that England was helping dig up, along with helping Lawrence of Arabia join the Arab tribes together to take on the evil Ottoman Empire!

Then France out of nowhere showed up and to be honest with you, England was no happy about it! "France what are you doing here?" England asked.

"I am here to steal your finds for the Paris museum!" France said laughing.

"Who is this guy?" Assyria asked.

"He's France, he's perverted, rude and he smells like wet grass!" England said.

"Oh that's not so bad!" Assyria said.

"No as in…" England then whispered into Assyria's ear, whatever he told her, it was not good!

"Ew that smells like when a dog…"

"Who is this England, your new girlfriend?" France asked laughing.

"No France this is Assyria I just met her! She's an ancient nation that is being subjected to annihilation a besides the Armenians and the Greeks." England said.

"England may I speak to you for a moment, enemy to enemy?" France asked.

England reluctantly went onto the sidelines with France, went into a coffee room that France built out in the Middle of the desert and sat down at a table.

"Everyone clear out, England and I need to talk!" France yelled.

Everyone left the coffee room and France continued, "England I don't know how to tell you this, but your new girlfriend is completely out of your league!" France said.

"Oh so you're saying that just because she looked a little bit like a humanoid Babylonian demon with piercing red eyes means that's she's not a human nation like us?" England asked crossing his arms.

"No not that, she's clearly an old empire, but I'm talking about the fact that she's totally not your type!" France said.

"So you are saying that since she has dark skin that she's not good enough for me to be friends with?" England asked.

"No she's a Catholic you idiot!" France said.

"So what, Catholics aren't all bad!" England said.

"Not all bad? You hate the Pope, you won't even look me in the face and you have no respect for Austria and Hungary!" France said.

"Yes because we're at war with both of them, it has nothing to do with Catholicism!" England said.

"She's an Arab, how do we know she won't cut your throat and leave you alone in the desert so that that Arab bandits will sell your body to the Kurds, chop you to bits and then eat your…"

"Ok, ok, I get it! She's not an Arab though; she's an Assyrian, not a Syrian Christian! She too has been hurt by the Ottoman Turks and the Persians too!" England said.

"Oh please, they are all a lost cause, the Middle East isn't a place to play tea parties with your imaginary friends England! People get killed all the time for being in the wrong place at the wrong time! They are killed for being Christians and…." France was going to finish but then England fell asleep.

"Wake up you stupid tea drinker!" France said stepping on England's foot.

"Ouch! Lawrence I'm sorry, I…" England looked at France.

"Oh what are you doing here France?" England asked.

France rolled his eyes and walked out of the tent, there was no use getting to England, so he thought that maybe he would steal England's new friend from him. France walked over to Assyria, she was not a pretty as she looked in the light, but it was a start!

"Hello mon Cherie, my name is France, what's your name?" he asked.

"Assyria, but my human name is…."

England walked up to them, "You leave Assyria alone France, I found her first!"

Then England and France got into a fist fight and Assyria waited until morning, when morning came France gave up and just left to go back to Algeria in which there were many orphans that needed help from him to fend off against Ottoman Empire!

Arthur walked up to Assyria with a bruised face, "What happened to you?" Assyria asked.

"What do you mean what happened to me? I just got my ass kicked by France, and France only managed to walk away with a bloody nose!" England said.

"Oh sorry I guess I just lost interest in the fight and fell asleep, the lion god came to me in my dreams and told me that he was sorry that we left on bad terms," Assyria said.

"Good now when the war is over, you need a make-over and you need to come to England to enjoy life to the fullest!" England said taking her by the hand.

After the war was over and Ottoman Empire was casted out of North Africa and Arabia, England gladly took Assyria to England like he promised! Then he had a make-over done on Assyria!

Assyria had her hair done like a 20s flapper woman, she dressed up like a flapper girl and she smoke and drank like one too! France and Ireland were even surprised by this total change in the ancient nation. Although she kept her uni-brow, she still looked great for a flapper chick!

"Wow what happened to you Assyria, last time I saw you, you had no hair!" France said.

"Of course I didn't but now I do. It grew back baby! It grew back!" She then licked France's forehead and he fainted with joy!

"So now that you are a modern woman, who are you going to vote for?" England asked.

"She can't vote for anyone if she's not a member of the UK," Scotland said.

Wales and Ireland looked on like nothing happened, and continued drinking. Moments later, when France woke up from his faint spell he took Assyria shopping so he could dress her up like a modern French girl! On the way there they stopped by and bought a leopard for her to cuddle with and before you knew it, Assyria started crying.

A leopard could never replace her lion God that she prayed to! It was so hard for her to become modern when the only true friends she seemed to have at the time were England and France!

However as years went by, England started to develop feelings for Assyria, especially since she dressed up more modernly and pretty soon in the early 30s, she would dress up like a movie star, like a Greta Garbo, like a Ava Garner type!

He decided that he wanted to take the relationship further, and in order to do that, he had to introduce her to his other friends…his imaginary friends!

"Assyria I want you to meet my bests friend in the world, Flying Mint Bunny!" England said.

Of course Assyria could not see Flying Mint Bunny; she went along with England's "lunacy",

Flying Mint Bunny looked at Assyria, "England, I don't like this girl! She looks like a Mesopotamian Demon, and she's a Catholic!" Flying Mint Bunny said.

"Up yours Flying Mint Bunny! She's not a Mesopotamian demon!" England said chocking the life out of Flying Mint Bunny; of course Assyria could not see the flying rabbit with the color meant on his fur. She rolled her eyes.

Later on that day England took Assyria to the lake, "I want to introduce you to the Lady of the Lake!" England said.

The Lady of the Lake was actually a voice that gargled as it talked, only England could understand what she was saying, to the outsider; this was atrocious sounding and confusing.

"Helllllooo England, she looks like she could lose a few pounds! She's not a great beauty!" the Lady of the Lake said.

England started throwing rocks at the lake, "Let's go home," Assyria said.

Next up was Captain Hook, Tinkerbelle and a unicorn, "Hey guys meet my friend Assyria! I thought I could introduce you to her so that she could make new friends!" England said blushing.

Captain Hook looked at Assyria, "She's not a Mesopotamian pirate is she?" He asked.

"No she looks more like a Catholic to me!" Tinker bell said.

"What do you think unicorn?" England asked.

"She's not even remotely magical, and Disney is even more-so than her!" she said.

"You all can go to hell!" England said.

As a couple of weeks went by, Assyria got a horrible message from the Lion God!

"Lion God why have you come back?" Assyria asked.

"Because your people need you more than ever, it's time to leave the west and go back to the east, you don't belong here!" Lion God said.

"I can't leave England; he's got no real friends to talk with!" Assyria said.

"Of course he does, he just doesn't know it, but that's for us to know and him to find out!" Lion God said.

"But what if he never finds out? What if they put him in a Looney Bin?" Assyria asked.

"Hurry it up; your people need you because they are being subjected to systematic massacres by the Kurds and the Arabs!" Lion God said.

"Fine," Assyria said.

She walked up to England and hugged him, "I'm sorry I had a wonderful time trying to become modern, but I have to go back to my people. They need me; they need my guidance when the world abandons them and don't care if they all die out. If they all die out then I will be the only one left, for its not known how long a nation can live for, their lifelines vary!" Assyria said.

"But this isn't fair! This just isn't fair; you're the only friend I have ever really had!" England confessed.

"That's not true, you have more friends than you think," Assyria said.

"Yah like Tinker bell, Captain Hook and Flying Mint Bunny," England said dissing his friends.

Flying Mint Bunny shook his head, "Well we'll never leave you England, even if you hate us, we will be there for you always!" he said.

"I was talking about your other friends, the ones that aren't…" before Assyria could finish, England interrupted!

"I didn't even get the chance to teach you my occult magic that I am just learning about! I got a new book by Aleister Crowley, the wickedest man in the world!" Arthur said holding a Golden Dawn book up by the famous nutty sorcerer!

"Sorry love, I am not into that occult stuff, I'm a Catholic, and I'm expected not to do evil magic!" Assyria said.

As she got onto the airplane to go back to Iraq and be there for her people, she grabbed England and kissed him on the lips. She then ran onto the plane and it took off.

Years later after the Second World War, she wrote to England, she wrote to England during Saddam Hussein's mad genocidal regime towards the Kurds, which affected her people the Iraqi Assyrians too. She wrote to England finally when Iraq was invaded by America's boss.

Now Assyria lived in an uncertain world, a world that was cruel and still needed her guidance. She would still talk to that lion god, even though she was still a devote Christian, but that did not mean that she and the lion God could not still be good friends.

However, she never had another closer friend since England; she was the only friend of his that really played along with his imaginary friends. She too had a friend that the world could not see, but like the wind, that did not mean that Lion God was not there.

For all she cared about his friends though, who hated her guts, Captain Hook could shove his own hook up his -! Flying Mint Bunny's days were numbered, Tinker bell will fall dead when Assyria yells out that she does not believe in fairies, the unicorn was extinct pretty much!

Alas though, they were not the real reason why she had to go back to Iraq to look after her people and make sure that they did not get driven to extinction!

Anyways, let's get to another ancient nation that was in crisis more than you can imagine! Let's go to Persia's story shall we?


	3. Chapter 3

_Persia VS Scythia _

In the late 1970s, the Shah was ousted by a bunch of radical Muslims, and believe it or not, Iran was once a great nation! Her name changed after the First World War, and she did not have a single friend after the radicals took over.

Now-a-days she was at a huge disadvantage since she was a female nation! The Ayatollah would treat her cruelly since she was a woman and did not cover her head in his presence like a "good Muslim woman" should. He would also take her out into the street and beat her in front of a crowd.

Sometimes they would stone her, and even though they did that, she did not die. She was a human, but since she was a nation she had immortality unlike a typical human like we are! Her new boss was cruel, she wanted to live in a Western Muslim nation, but she was under the iron fist of a bunch of mentally ill Islamists that wanted to destroy Israel and deny the Holocaust.

Though she was friends with Armenia's daughter Eastern Armenia, she had on and off bickering spats with Assyria and with Western Armenia too, who changed her identity to Eastern Turkey! She had very mixed feelings for Georgia and hated Azerbaijan and Turkey! She was treated like a princess under the Shah because she was a great empire, then after the Islamists took over, she was treated like a piece of poo-poo on the sidewalk.

Even so, she would go to bed every night even after her evil master the Ayatollah and that stooge or "toady" as she called him Ahmadinejad treated her like crap, she would think of the great days when she was young, when she was brave, when she fought a very different enemy….Scythia!

We flashback now to the long ago past when Ancient Armenia was alive and friends with Persia, where Assyria was on and off friends with Persia when there was no Ottoman Empire or when the Kurds were not being constantly bribed by the Turks! No Rome, no Greece not even Mongolia!

In her flashback this time, she was standing on a castle wall looking down at Scythia and her men! Now the story on Scythia is one of great mystery, but it's intriguing too.

Scythia was a very ancient enemy of Persia, she was an Eastern Iranian nation without an actual nation, they were more like nomadic tribesmen that did nothing but make trouble for Persia! She and her people spoke an Eastern Iranian dialect and have been said to be the ancestor of Ossetia, Turkey, and even as far as India!

While this isn't proven very well we do know one thing, that Scythia was crazy! She was a crazy lady who was about 6'3 to 6'7 feet tall, she was almost the stereotype of a legendary Amazonian woman! She was like Conan the Barbarian, except not as comical and more insane. She had dark skin, very wild looking strawberry blond hair, lime green eyes and dressed in the color gold! She had oriental shaped eyes and was a ball of energy that yelled, "Hey I'm here look at me! Look at me!"

She was taught and raised from a little nation into a savage by her parents. She stepped up to the plate and decided one day to lecture to her Caucasian, Asian, Middle Eastern looking men.

The day before they decided to make a statement below the castle walls, Scythia got onto a barrel of win and yelled out, "Attention all of you, we're going to teach that stupid Persia a lesson! She thinks that because she has it better than us and sleeps in a palace while we sleep in tents and on the ground, that she has more of an advantage over us!" Scythia yelled.

The men looked at her like they were confused, they were not, but they were a little slow. Though Scythia was tough and mean, she was not the brightest ancient nation ever! She was not awesome like Prussia, she was not cleaver like Hungary and most certainly not classy like Austria! She was just her own person, which made her all the more different and annoying.

Anyways, they tried their best to listen to her, but then she decided to tell them the ultimate plan! "We're going to show her that we're advanced and just as civilized as she is!" Scythia yelled out.

"Yah!" All the men yelled out.

Back to when Scythia and her men were below the castle that Persia was looking over. "Hey Persia, guess what, you have gold and books, we got something better! We got gold statues of animals!" Scythia said standing on what appeared to be a golden statue of a deer!

Persia started laughing, "Is that the best you got?"

"Of course not, I got this!" Scythia said putting the golden gnome looking hat on her head!

"Please I could easily make that out of sand paper!" Persia said laughing with Ancient Armenia, Ancient Assyria and Bacteria laughing in the background.

Bacteria was another ancient Iranian nation sometimes fought against or with Persia, he was too confused at the time with who would make a better ally! He was to be modern-day Afghanistan, over time he would split off of Persia and into his own nation, but that didn't come until roughly around many years later!

"Yes Scythia you are the laughing stalk of all of Central Asia! Go back to Central Asia where you belong!" Persia yelled.

"Never, I made this myself!" Scythia said holding up what appeared to be a leaf crown!

"Wow that's great craftsmanship!" Armenia said.

"Armenia you are supposed to stick with your Indo-European sister!" Persia said yelling at the rather shy and heavily pregnant Armenia.

"Please Persia I am due any day, I am carrying twins and if my water breaks in front of these Scythians then it will be embarrassing!" Armenia said.

"Ok fine, take her inside Bacteria!" Persia yelled.

"Come on Armenia, we'll go sit on the couch where you can pet all the Persian cats you want!" Bacteria said picking Armenia up and carrying her to the inside of the Kurdish-built castle that Persia was somewhat using for protection against Scythia and her gang of Scythian thugs!

"Hum, I wonder if Armenia knows who the father is." Persia wondered smiling.

Nobody knew who the father of Armenia's twins! Some say it was it was King Tigranes I Orontid the Great, but it's highly doubtful! Some say it was king Cyprus the Great, but that's another rumor! Some say it was the ancient kingdom of Cilicia somewhere near Armenia, but she eventually took him over, so it's doubtful that it was him too! Whoever the father was, he never was known nor stuck around!

"Hey Persia now we're going to kick your ass!" Scythia yelled. She gave a major battle cry and flying almost to the top of the castle, but then fell down even though she almost managed to jump over the castle top!

"Oh God, Assyria we need to think of something! Quick, consult the Soothsayers!" Persia said.

"Soothsayers come here!" Assyria yelled.

Two men came onto the top part of the castle and brought with them some incense, they did some kind of magic incantation that only Persia really believed would work.

Assyria shook her head, "Persia, why don't I consult my lion God to see what we can do?" Assyria asked.

"No way, we believe in many gods here in the empire!" Persia said.

"Why do you need me then?" Assyria asked.

In private later that night, while stupid Scythia was throwing rocks at the castle that Persia borrowed from the Kurds, Assyria went to her temple back at home. She called upon her Lion God….uh why do we have to go over this again?

"Oh mighty Lion God, Persia needs our help!" Assyria yelled.

The lion came to life from the statue that he was, "Didn't I tell you not to bother with that woman? She's nothing but bitter and full of trouble!" Lion God told Assyria.

"But don't be silly she took us in when nobody else would!" Assyria said.

"She took us over, it's not like you had much of a choice little lady!" Lion God said.

"I need to prove my friendship to Persia somehow, otherwise I will end up like stupid Scythia, alone and surrounded by a bunch of animal worshipers!" Assyria said.

Then Assyria came up with an idea that she had never before thought about! She consulted the books and looked for mathematical ideas! So she then took the book with her to the top part of the castle and yelled down to Scythia, "Hey Scythia, can you please answer this question for me?" Assyria yelled out.

"Hey I'm talking here!" Persia yelled to Assyria.

"What how you can expect me to answer a simple math question, when I don't even know what math is?" Scythia asked.

"It's not that difficult! If you can answer this question then you can take over, if you can't then don't even bother coming back here! Now for the question, what is one plus one?" Assyria asked.

"Uhhhh, can you repeat the question?" Scythia asked.

"Wrong answer! Now leave! Since you answered the math question wrong, our Lion God will punish you for daring to attack the Persian Empire, and for setting fire to the library that we put together!" Assyria yelled.

"Ok guys you heard the woman, we need to get out of here before the Lion God kills us!" Scythia yelled out.

She and her band of merry and violent Scythian warriors left! Of course they fell for it, they were nomadic people that worshiped and animals and objects and believed they had their purpose in life!

"We did it Persia, we stopped the…" Before Assyria finished what she was saying, Persia pushed her conquered empire down.

"You mean you did it! You stole my place in the sun! This was supposed to be simple! This was supposed to be easy, but you took my place in the sun because you are selfish and a horrible friend!" Persia yelled.

A horrible friend is what echoed in Assyria's ears, Assyria then cried and ran out of the castle and back to Nineveh! Assyria decided that the lion was right, and she went into hiding where she could cry to herself and feel more appreciated by her lion God friend!

A few days later Armenia gave birth to twin girls, she named the one with the black hair and black colored eyes Manushag and the one with the dark brown eyes and dark brown hair Almast! Later in their lives, their mother would die and leave them both her kingdom to split into two empires! Almast would become modern Armenia or aka Eastern Armenia. Manushag would be known as Western Armenia and take the conquered land that used to belong to Cilicia!

Two days later, Persia went looking for Assyria and could not find her; she was not even in her own land! Persia ran into the room where Armenia was breast-feeding those two little countries! "Armenia where is Assyria?" Persia asked.

"Excuse me, I haven't seen her all week, she is somewhere back I home I assume. I just gave birth two days ago Persia, how would I know where she is? I have been sleeping all yesterday!" Armenia yelled.

"No excuse, get up and look for Assyria before I make you get up myself!" Persia said.

"But Persia, Armenia is nursing two girls, she needs to rest!" Bacteria said.

"No I need to find her! The evil Scythia has come back to bug us! She is not cool, she just is not cool!" Persia yelled.

Where was Assyria? It was simple, and overlooked place, she was under a rock, took her some food with her and a toothbrush and then ran away!

Then Persia searched high and low looking for Assyria! She even asked Assyria's lion, only God knows how she got into contact with him?

"She's not here Persia," the Lion God told her.

"Damn it! I will find you!" Persia said.

To be Continued!


	4. Chapter 4

_Persia VS Scythia Round Two _

Since Assyria went into hiding Scythia and her merry men of Scythian men have come back and harassed Persia badly. Armenia decided to go home since she thought this was a waste of time, she had two children to take care of by herself, and a kingdom and a boss back at home to "please" according to some of the locals…he he he!

Sorry, back to the story Persia then looked to Bacteria to help her take on Scythia, "Oh Bacteria dear, I want you to go into Scythia's empire and take her down from the inside out." Persia said.

"What do you mean my royal Persian?" he asked.

"It means go into Central Asia and take her down, you know get to know her and have dinner with her and her savage friends!" Persia said.

"Ok then, I won't like it, since I refuse to touch any of these savages, but sure whatever!" Bacteria said.

Bacteria surrendered and went home with Scythia and her band of idiots. He figured the easiest way was to pretend that Persia was giving him a hard time about being a man nation under her iron fist, and get Scythia to feel sorry for him enough to let him come along, and that she did! That night he sat at the campfire with them, he was eating a deer leg while everyone stared at him.

"So, could you tell us about yourself?" Scythia asked sitting onto her gold throne in the tent that they camped in.

"Let's see here where to start, I am an Iranian, I speak many Iranian dialects and my people are the Pashto tribe and we are under the protection and iron fist of Persia." Bacteria said eating the deer leg like it was his last meal.

"You look like a hot young man, why and how did you become friends with a bitch like Persia?" Scythia asked walking up to him, taking the deer leg out of his mouth and licking the bone with the meat still on it. She looked at him sexually in his eyes.

"Uhhhh, I'm not very comfortable! Do you mind getting off of me so I can tell you!" he said as he seemed to be pitching a tent at the moment!

"Yes I know where your comfort level stands!" Scythia said walking back to her throne and sitting down.

Of course Bacteria did not want to find out where his comfort level stood, he was so turned off by her savagery and her sexuality that he had to run off! Later on that night, he ran off and ran back to that Kurdish castle that Persia was borrowing from the Kurds. He woke her up, "Madam Persia wake up!"

"What is the deal here? Did you take Scythia down?" Persia asked.

"No I didn't she scared me off, I think she threatened to rape me! She threatened to rape me!" Bacteria yelled.

"Oh dear, I find it stupid that a man would be so scared of a messed up woman!" Persia said getting out of bed and sitting on the couch where her Persian cats came in great numbers to be fed by her!

The next day Persia dragged Colchis out of bed herself by her thick blond hair, it's a good thing that she did not drag her by her Georgian-shaped nose this time, last time that happened it caused a major nose bleed!

"What do you want Persia? Why are you bothering me?" Colchis asked.

"I want you to go to Scythia and take her down from the inside!" Persia said.

"I can't I have a boyfriend now! I also have a kingdom to rule, I don't have time to be taking on savages from far away lands," Colchis said.

"You have a boyfriend? What's his name?" Persia asked.

"His name is Iberia and he's a handsome man with olive colored skin and dark brown eyes!" Colchis said with her blue eyes lit up!

"Oh brother save me the details and make me a happy empire will you?" Persia asked.

"Also there is something else you should know," Colchis said.

"What is that? You're not pregnant are you?" Persia asked.

"No I'm not, but I am engaged and I want to make Iberia the happiest country ever!" Colchis said.

"Ok fine just get out of my face and just have your stupid fairytale endings!" Persia said.

"What do you mean get out of your face? You're the one that came to my house!" Colchis said.

Persia ran away, "Why does everyone I know have babies and are getting married?" she asked running away in tears.

Meanwhile Assyria was still under that big rock and she was crying and eating her heart out. She got a painting of herself standing next to Persia; she then punched the painting with her fist on Persia's face. However, her fist when through the painting and she decided to throw that out!

"I guess sometimes people just fall apart!" Assyria said.

Someone lifted the rock that Assyria was under, it was Persia! She came for her, she did not hate her after all…or did she? Either way, she found Assyria under that rock!

"Persia what are you doing here?" Assyria asked.

"I am here to bring you back to Persian Empire so we can defeat that stupid Scythia! Can you believe that I sent Bacteria to take her from the inside out, and she tried to rape him?" Persia said.

"What? How is that even possible?" Assyria asked as she jumped out of the hole.

"I don't know it would not surprise me ever if Bacteria were actually afraid of a bunch of powerful women countries like us!" Persia said.

Now for round two of the Persia VS Scythia saga! Back to the top of the castle, Scythia had a new idea; she would get the women to do her bidding this time!

"Hey Persia guess what, we weaved baskets made from Gold, and we're going to weave some more!" Scythia said.

"So what the hell do I care? This is your most pathetic attempt yet!" Persia said.

"Uhhhh, I think they are weaving these baskets for a much more different reason!" Assyria said pointing down to the girl Scythian warriors making what appeared to be a tower to reach the top of the castle walls, so they could jump over and possibly massacre the Persia and Assyria!

"You know what to do, don't you Assyria?" Persia said.

"Of course, using another simple math problem which only she can't solve!" Assyria said.

"No, come here!" Persia whispered into Assyria's ears.

Assyria then went down the tower and with all of "her might" she knocked woven basket tower down, then all the Scythian women gasped at her, and so did Scythia herself. Scythia got mad and then said, "What did you do that for?"

"It's a basket tower; you don't find anything wrong with this?" Assyria asked.

"Yes you just knocked down a tower, that not only will take to rebuild again, but also a tower in which our women put their blood and guts into just to make fine craftsmanship and turn it into a weapon!" Scythia said.

"Boy you're dumb!" Assyria said as she walked away and back up into the tower.

Then came the ultimate secret weapon against Scythia might have proven to be fatal, something like Monty Python, but more random than anything I would say.

"Scythia, I know what your greatest weakness is; I will not hesitate to use it against you!" Persia yelled out.

"Bring it on girlfriend!" Scythia said challenging Persia.

"Assyria you know what to do!" Persia said.

Now this next part, PETA might be called in because someone might be too sensitive to see this, so if you are a part of PETA and you love animals too much, then please don't read this next part!

Assyria loaded up the cannon and shot out cats! The cat ran onto the ground and ran off, "fire two!" Persia said.

The second cannon fired and another cat was shot out of the cannon and landed on Scythia!

"Fire three!" another cat was loaded in and it was shot out and also landed on Scythia!

Don't worry PETA lovers, no cat was hurt in this, in fact none of them walked away with any scratched, the only person that walked away with scratched was actually Scythia and her comrades!

In fact there was a dark secret that Bacteria managed to find out from Scythia before he ran off crying like a girl, Scythia was allergic to cats! She would not go anywhere near a cat that night by the fireplace when it came over to the fireplace to keep warm! Each time a cat's fur touched Scythia, her skin started to itch severely to the point where she started flaking and bleeding!

"Ouch, ouch I am allergic to cats! Damn you Persia, damn you!" Scythia said.

"I got an even bigger secret weapon!" Persia said.

"Attack!" Assyria yelled out.

Two lions that Assyria managed to tame jumped onto the ground and then roared as they looked at Scythia, "No, no, no! I can't deal with this; I just can't deal with this! Retreat women!"

Scythia and her band of basket weaving women retreated to the highest hilltops of the furthest from the Persian Empire that they could!

"Yes I did it! I did it!" Persia said.

"You mean we did it!" Assyria said.

"But this is my empire not yours!"

"Come on admit it without my lions you would be fighting off baskets and golden statues of animals!" Assyria said.

"But it was Greece's idea for the cannon cat bit!" Persia said.

"Yep I'm going to go crawl back under my rock. I'll be under my rock if you need me!" Assyria said walking away and shaking her head.

Then Bacteria came up to Persia, "Is the scary lady gone?" He asked.

"Of course she's gone, great spying my man!" Persia said putting her arm onto Bacteria's shoulder.

Bacteria could not help but blush, he might have had a small crush on Persia and Persia might have known it for some time, but as far as he and she were concerned that's all it would ever be…a crush!

Back to present-day Iran, Persia was sleeping and laughing in her sleep, that wonderful memory where she was glorious, where she was powerful where she was Persia, it was so wonderful!

One day she knew that she would again be that powerful!

Now, we leave you with this song to remind you how, just how mean Persia has the tendency to be!

_Oh mighty Persia, the meanest chick in town! She wears golden rings, and has a big frown! _

_She loves to beat up priests, peasant sand the Kurds, don't even mess with her she'll make you eat her words! _

Yah that's all you need to know!

Let's get onto how Georgia and the two Armenias met shall we?

Next page!


	5. Chapter 5

_How Georgia met the Two Armenias _

There is a beautiful and yet nostalgic story about how Georgia managed to meet the two future Armenias when she was little and they were little. One day Iberia and Colchis were arguing about how they were going to rule their own kingdoms since they could not get along about how to rule each of them!

"Excuse me, but what example are you setting for our daughter Georgia?" Colchis asked.

"I wasn't the one that bore me a girl! She should have been a boy! A boy is a great thing to Georgian men alike!" Iberia said.

"You and your hosh-poshy beliefs!" Colchis yelled feeling insulted.

Do not get us wrong, Iberia adored his daughter and he loved her and cherished her. She after all inherited his light brown skin complexion, his thick black hair, his sharp tongue, while she inherited her mother's blue eyes! Little Tamera was the both of both worlds combined! Despite the fact that Iberia loved his daughter and was happy to have a daughter, he worried about her running both his empire and her mother's.

From the day Colchis gave birth to Georgia, was the day that Iberia expressed great disappointment that she was a girl. It was just better for Georgian women to give birth to boys than to girls! Now there are some explanations, although these will come off more as sexist than ever now that women have careers and the right to choose to have a baby or not!

Giving birth to a boy meant that you would have the advantage to get a career, build a house, grill outside, and of course…go to war! A boy was a treasure, a wonder, a miracle! He would be the head of the household, the gatherer and the hunter! Your status would be up the latter in society and the more babies that were boys that you sired and bore, the more popular you would be!

Giving birth to a girl meant that you would have to have the burden of giving a dowry to the bride of the parents! Many people killed baby girls so they would not have to do that, as ignorant as this sounded, this was totally true!

The most important reason they killed them was because by the time they became teenagers, it was easy for boys to walk around and manipulate girls into having sex with them and leave them with a kid in poverty and no support! The only support that would have was from the parents, who sometimes went broke or kicked the daughter and the baby outside of the house!

Since Georgia's dad explained this to her, she from then on wanted to be a tomboy instead of a lady like her mother! She promised she would never give her heart to any man, or humanoid country! Not even Turkey or Russia could win the heart of this gentle, yet temperamental and violent country! Needless to say, Iberia was not cruel enough or heartless enough to kill her when she was a baby, just cruel enough to hate her for being a girl!

This fight was too much for Georgia to take! "I can't take it anymore; I hate it when my parents fight! I'm going to run away so that I may find some friends!" Georgia said, she got her pet Caucasian leopard cub and went on her way outside of the castle!

So Georgia ran away from home and for a few days later, her parents must have still been fighting, because there wasn't a search party or anything! "Aren't my parents worried about me? Surely they are?"

What Georgia didn't know is that she stepped over the border into the kingdom of Armenia! Owned by Queen Ancient Armenia! The beautiful, sensitive and strong woman who gave birth to Western and Eastern Armenia! The two would grow up to be close and not so close! They would even grow up to develop their own dialects so they would confuse one another during when Western Armenia was assisting the Ottoman Empire and Eastern Armenia was assisting Russia!

Georgia and her leopard cub looked around, "Wow its really beautiful here, I don't want to ever go home again and…." Before Georgia could finish what she was saying, there came a beautiful Caspian tiger walking in front of her, with Western Armenia and Eastern Armenia on his back! They were two girls about her age, maybe older!

Western Armenia looked at Georgia and said, "Hey, who are you?"

"I'm sorry; I had no idea that there were other people here!" Georgia said.

"What's your name? You don't look like you are from around here, are you from further up north?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"My name is Tamara, but my mama and papa call me Georgia, what's your names?" Georgia asked.

"My name is Almast mama calls me Eastern Armenia because I will get the east part of her empire when she dies, and this is my twin sister Manushag she is called Western Armenia because she will get the Western part of the empire when mama dies!"

"Hello!" Western Armenia said.

Georgia examined the two twins, perhaps she was not a scientist or anything like that, but she was skeptical about them being related or being twins! "Wait how you can two be twins? You look nothing alike!"

"We are twins, we were born on the same day to the same mother," Western Armenia said.

"We're only minutes apart. We don't look alike because we have different genes." Eastern Armenia said.

"I have a collection of those! Would you like to come to my place and look into my closet?

"No, what my sister is trying to say is that we look different, because I look more like our mother and Almast looks more like our father." Western Armenia said.

"Who is your father?" Georgia asked.

The two girls looked at Georgia, since Georgia grew up very sheltered by her parents from the real world, she probably did not pick up the concept that some people and countries out there just do have fathers.

"We don't know, Mama told us it was just her in our lives and that she had no idea who our father was." Western Armenia said.

"I'm sorry to hear that, I have a daddy that loves me dearly and my mother loves me dearly, but they fight all the time. My mother is from the West and my father is from the East. They rule two separate kingdoms, but they can't stand to be with one another." Georgia said.

"It's all right, because many of our friend's fathers either die in battle or they live in different parts of our kingdom. So it's not like we are that disappointed to be raised by a single mother, she loves us deeply!" Eastern Armenia said.

Those two girls were so spoiled! Oh yes, their mother spoiled them rotten! In fact one time in June Ancient Armenia gave the girls something very expensive even though it was not a gift for their birthday! It was a golden rocking horse with diamonds on it as a gift from Persia! Despite the fact that Persia was not on the worse terms with Ancient Armenia, she gave the girls expensive gifts…as a way to bribe Armenia into helping her battle against aggressive empires!

"Would you like to meet my parents?" Georgia asked.

"You aren't a Roman are you?"

"I don't know what a Roman is although sometimes my mom talks to my dad about Rome. I'm a Georgian; I am named after our ethnic group! I am the heir to the future kingdoms that my parents rule separately!" Georgia said.

"Ok here is the deal, you bring us to your parents, but we have to ask our mother first!" Western Armenia said.

"No way, I'm mad at mama right now and I don't feel like asking her for anything!" Eastern Armenia said.

Western Armenia went on to explain, "She's mad at mama for making us study Classical Armenian alphabet! It's the language that will split off into my dialect and her dialect when mama dies and…"

"Maybe I can force them to learn Georgian! I just won't be mean about it, like Mama trying to get me to study Latin or Greek!" Georgia thought.

Later on Georgia took the girls back to Georgia and introduced them to her parents, "Mama, Papa, this is Western Armenia and Eastern Armenia! They are twins did you know that?" Georgia asked.

Iberia and Colchis looked at the two twins, they were not happy that Georgia went missing, and as it turned out they did send out a search party, but she wondered too far off from their territory into Armenian territory so that she would be found!

"Georgia we have to ground you for running away!" Iberia said.

"Why do you care dad, I'm not the boy you always wanted!" Georgia said.

"That's not the point young lady; the point is that your father and I were worried sick about you!" Colchis said.

"But dad said..."

"Of course I wished for you to be a boy! My father wished for me to be a boy, and your mother's father wished for her to be a boy, but sometimes that just doesn't happen! Of course I suffer from gender disappointment when you were born, but I'm not going to let that get into the way of finding you and loving you!" Iberia said.

"Why would we want to lose you for? We love you Georgia, you are our heir to our two divided kingdoms! You are the reason why we keep our marriage together! Our love is so much stronger because of you!" Colchis said.

Actually the truth be told, the reason why they stayed together was not because they loved each other since they ruled their separate Georgian kingdoms, they stayed together for the sake of Georgia, she was going to rule and unite both of their kingdoms someday for many harsh years to come!

"So who are your new friends?" Colchis asked.

Georgia who was shocked at how they now noticed that she had new friends reintroduced them to her parents, "Papa, Mama, this is Eastern Armenia and Western Armenia, I found them when I wondered into their territory! I also brought them home to play with me and to teach them Georgian!" Georgia said.

"Wait, aren't those Ancient Armenia's girls?" Iberia asked.

"They are! Oh my Goodness, we need to take them back over the border immediately!" Colchis said.

"Why should we? They are my new friends; I don't have any friends except this leopard cub you gave to me!" Georgia asked.

"Because they don't belong to us, they belong to Armenia! She will have a fit if she sees that her daughters have gone missing!" Iberia said crossing his arms.

"Listen to your father dear, just take them back over the border like he said and…"

"Don't you want me to have friends? Don't you want me to make friends and learn to fall in love, if that ever happens?" Georgia asked.

The parents thought it over, "Hum she has a point, she doesn't have friends at all," Colchis said.

"Yes but…"

"Iberia, surely you love your daughter enough to give her friends?" Colchis said.

"I can't even give her a little brother let alone give her friends! Every time we have a son you either have a miscarriage or a stillborn!" Iberia said jumping up and down.

"That would be papa's fierce Georgian temper!" Georgia said smiling.

"Iberia! Not in front of the kids please! Just let them stay for a couple of days so she can have someone to play with and teach Georgian to, please?" Colchis said batting her bright blue eyes at Iberia.

"Oh all right, you guys can stay for a few days, but then we have to return you to Armenia!" Iberia said.

"YAY!" the three little girls shouted!

"Yes because for all we know, Armenia could be going nuts!" Colchis said.

Just as Colchis suspected, Ancient Armenia was freaking out, the two girls never came home, they were supposed to be out picking pomegranates and supposed to help their mom cook for the king of Armenia and for the bodyguards of the king of Armenia! They were supposed to cut the pomegranates and put them in a soup to make it nice, sour and sweet tasting!

"Almast! Manushag! Where are you! Come back here, I carried both of you for nine months as the same time, and this is how you repay me, by getting lost! I think someone kidnapped them! I'll have a search party put out for them!" Ancient Armenia yelled sobbing.

To be continued!


	6. Chapter 6

_When the Armenias Came to Georgia_

A couple of days went by since Eastern and Western Armenia followed Georgia back to her home to her dad's castle! Iberia and Colchis were shocked to find that Ancient Armenia's two daughters had managed to find Georgia after looking for her for days!

Anyways Ancient Armenia is still looking for her daughters…all around the Roman Empire!

"Rome….have you seen my babies? I don't want them to die! They have an empire to rule someday!" Armenia said crying to Rome.

"Relax I will ask everyone in our empire! I promise that you will have your girls back for good!" Rome said.

Meanwhile at Georgia's house…errrr castle, Eastern and Western Armenia were coloring pictures of ancient Egyptians and writing in classical Armenian letters on their sheets of papers, while Georgia was petting their Caspian Tiger that they rode on to her castle. She then looked at the two Armenias coloring pictures from her coloring book, which she did let them do.

"Excuse me, what is that you are writing out?" Georgia asked.

"This is the Armenian language, it is our mother tongue, just like Georgian is yours." Western Armenia said.

"Wait, wait, wait, you're in my dad's territory now! You should be writing in Georgian, not Armenian!" Georgia said snatching the coloring book from Western Armenia.

"Mama says we have to practice our cursive because she expects us to write remedies someday to the solders!" Eastern Armenia said.

"What's a remedy?" Georgia asked.

"Something that has to do with pomegranate juice, mama says that pomegranates are the essence of life!" Eastern Armenia said.

"No, the wine is the essence of life!" Georgia said.

"You take that back!" Western Armenia yelled.

"No you take it back!" Georgia said.

Colchis heard the girls fighting, they would one minuet get along with one another, but since Georgia barley knew the give and takes of friendship Colchis had to explain to her on the side how to get along with the two Armenian twins. Colchis would have to break this fight up like she had been with the others that they got themselves into, that is exactly what she did!

"Girls! Girls! What is this fighting about? I have heard you all bicker at one another all day yesterday and the day before that! Perhaps we need to take the two Armenias back to their mother?" Colchis asked.

"NOOO! We want to stay a little longer!" Western Armenia said.

"Oh all right fine, but Georgia is right, while you are a guest in our house, we need you to follow our rules, we'll treat you like queens, but you have to treat us like Gods!" Colchis said.

"Meaning?" Western Armenia asked.

Before they knew it, the two Armenias were sitting at the table downstairs looking at a book with some foreign writing on it. These letters looked nothing like the Armenian alphabet and did not sound like it either. It was not even Indo-European enough for them to get some idea of what they were!

"Now this is the first letter of the alphabet ladies, please get your writing utensils out and start writing it!" Colchis said.

"We don't know what that means!" Western Armenia said getting confused.

"Why can't you learn Armenian instead of making us learn Georgian?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"I don't know, but we would be happy to learn Armenian when we come and stay at your house. How does that sound?" Colchis said.

"You promise?" Western Armenia asked.

Later on at dinnertime Iberia had a deer roasted for the family and for the guests to eat, he also had a lamb slaughtered in front of the Armenian girls.

"That poor lamb!" Western Armenia yelled out.

"Relax its normal for us Georgian to do such a thing! It's just a custom of ours!" Iberia said as he poured the lamb's blood onto a silver plate.

"That was cruel!" Eastern Armenia said as she started crying.

"You could have at least killed it in private!" Western Armenia said crying too.

"Yah, that's what mama does!" Eastern Armenia said crying.

"Oh mighty God, we once again thank you for this Sunday feast, because not many people have such a delicacy they can truly find and cook up!" Iberia said.

So they ate the lamb when it was done cooking and off to bed the Armenias and Georgia went. They slept in the same room together, the two Armenias slept on the floor in a lamb-made sleeping bags while Georgia slept in her lamb-covered bed.

While Georgia snored all night long, Western Armenia's eyes were opened wide as she stared at the ceiling and then turned to Eastern Armenia as her eyes were wide and staring up at the ceiling too. "Do you think that lamb is in a much better place?" Western Armenia asked.

"Yes Manushag, it's in lamb heaven, that's what mama tells me whenever we slaughter sheep.

"But they did not have to slit its throat in front of us. They could have done it in private like they do at our home!" Manushag said.

"Yes I know, this place is defiantly nothing like Armenia." Almast told her twin sister.

The very next day it was onto learning how to hunt and pick grapes to make wine. Iberia took all three girls to the vine vineyard to find some grapes and smash it to make wine.

"Now I'm going to teach you girls how to make wine, the Georgian way, right Georgia?" Iberia asked.

"Yes papa, it's fun!" Georgia said.

Iberia went to a wine bush; got his basket ready to put the grapes in and everyone else did the same thing. There were some times when they had to get Iberia to pick the grapes for them and other times where they needed to use a latter because sometimes those grapes grew too high up for anyone to reach!

Later on when they picked enough grapes they went to this ancient wine factory, "Now children, I would love to show you how to separate the grapes out! You take the sour grapes, which are usually light green and put them in this pile, take the dark red grapes and put them in this pile, and then take the light purple grapes and put them in this pile! You separate the colors out!" Iberia said.

As they started to separate the grapes out poor Western Armenia started crying, "What's the matter Manushag?" Almast asked.

"I miss mama! She doesn't slaughter sheep in front of us, and she doesn't force us to pick grapes! This place just isn't Armenia!" Western Armenia pathetically cried out.

"Western Armenia, you can't just be rude like this, how would you like it if Georgia came to visit us for a few nights and did the same thing to us?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"Yes but it's not like picking pomegranates!" Western Armenia said crying.

"I know this isn't home, but grapes are still fruits, so either way they grow on trees!" Iberia said.

"It doesn't matter, it's just like…." Before Western Armenia could finish what she was saying, she saw Colchis in the distance with a woman wearing yellow.

Ancient Armenia had showed up with Colchis, "Girls, there you are I have been worried so sick for you!" Ancient Armenia yelled running over to the girls, tripping over the vines with grapes attached to them still and she managed to get grape juice all over herself.

"Mama!" Western Armenia yelled as she ran to her and hugged her.

"It was so awful they slit a sheep's throat in front of us!" Western Armenia yelled out.

"Eastern Armenia get over here, we are going back home and you are going to start picking pomegranates out!" Ancient Armenia yelled out at Eastern Armenia.

"Dad, can I go with the two Armenias with their mom to stay at their place?" Georgia asked.

"Dear you don't just invite yourself over its rude!" Iberia said.

"It's ok; I see no reason why Georgia can't learn about our customs!" Ancient Armenia said.

Then as planned by Georgia herself, she went to Ancient Armenia's house and sat down at the table with her leopard cub.

"Now we're going to read a scripture from the bible…in Armenian! We are going to translate it from Latin, which we are speaking although it's written in English in this story, and we're going to talk about the importance of Jesus's way for the good Christians of the north!" Ancient Armenia said.

"Ok I want to go first!" Western Armenia said getting a book out and studying it.

"_Oh heavenly father, we art thou grateful that you sent Jesus Christ your son down to earth, to die for our sins and come back to life!_" Western Armenia said.

"Oh God, this is so boring, I can't understand a word she is saying!" Georgia said rolling her eyes.

"Then go back home to your family, speak and learn all the Georgian that you want!" Ancient Armenia said furiously crossing her arms since she was so hurt that Georgia wasted her time with her daughters and tried to make them learn Georgian in the days that they were staying with her family.

"Fine I will just go home then!" Georgia said dropping the Bible, picking up her leopard cub and then running off back to her parent's castle.

"Why did you do that for mother?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"Because my dear we are not Georgians, we are Armenians! We aren't even related to each other linguistically! We're Indo-European and they are Kartvelian! We have completely different alphabets, completely different temperaments, and completely different open-mindedness!" Ancient Armenia said.

"Still that doesn't give you a reason to do that to her! You don't have to treat her like a sub-human, you are just as bad as she was when she tried to make us write and speak in Georgian!" Eastern Armenia said throwing her bible down and then going to look for Georgia.

Eastern Armenia went back to the castle in Georgia which Georgia lived in, she asked Colchis where Georgia was to which Colchis replied, "She's in her room under her covers".

Eastern Armenia went into her room and for sure, she was under her covers sobbing. "Hi Georgia!" Eastern Armenia said.

"What do you want?" Georgia asked.

"I want to apologize for my mother's behavior, she is a really sensitive Christian and she loves her culture and she may come off as ethno-centric," Eastern Armenian said.

"Isn't every country ethno-centric to a certain point?" Georgia asked.

"Yes of course, but my mom is proud of her Armenian heritage and wants us to learn to read Armenian." Eastern Armenia said.

Oh God, I'm getting so fricken bored with this story, let's fast forward to the future shall we?


	7. Chapter 7

_It's Either Russification or Turkification! _

Many thousands of years had passed, and Ancient Armenia died of heart failure. Hey, when a country like any other mortal refuses to eat healthy and exercise, that's just what happens! After the funeral, Western and Eastern Armenia went over the plans to split their mom's empire up!

Western Armenia got the Western part of course which was closer to the Tigris and Euphrates River. Eastern Armenia decided to rule the Eastern half, which was in the mountains next to Georgia and Iran! After her parents died, Georgia untied the Georgian kingdom and became known as Georgia! She grew up beautiful, brave and very flirtatious and ruthless!

Under the Byzantine Empire, they lived together in peace and sometimes had ethnic conflicts, but they were small and minor. One day though, their lives changed dramatically! Byzantine fell and was killed by Ottoman Empire…who was just a small boy country at the time! Nobody knew where he came from, but rumors had it that Scythia was related to him! Oh well, that has never and will probably never be proven!

Ottoman Empire had Georgia, Eastern Armenia and Western Armenia tied up and put into a room with Greece, who was also a small boy at the time, his mother died after Rome killed her! Byzantine took over after Rome was long gone dead and such. The three women were horrified, they did not know if they would be next or not. Greece stared into space, trying not to wonder what fate awaited him.

All the sudden the door opened up wide! It was Ottoman Empire, he stepped into the room, put a mask over his eyes, which was his usual trademark and ended up examining the women. "Hello there, my name is Ottoman Empire! I am here to convert you all the Islam! Which one of you wants to become a Muslim?" he asked.

"What's a Muslim?" Greece asked frightened.

"It's hard to explain, we basically worship the same God as you, just a different prophet!" Ottoman Empire said.

"No thanks, I like Jesus and I will stick with Jesus!" Georgia yelled.

Ottoman Empire walked up to Georgia, "You're a pretty thing, your eyes, they are so blue, and your skin is so light coco, almost like a whitish/coco colored skin tone!" Ottoman Empire said smiling at her.

"Beat it kid, I don't care to be a Muslim or a sex slave to you, I will rip you to shreds if you think about hurting me or my friends!" Georgia said.

"What about you, you look like a nice kid, what's your name?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"My name is Greece, I am a Christian too and I want to stay Christian, is that ok?" Greece asked looking down shyly.

"We'll see, and you! You the one with the brown hair! What is your name?" Ottoman Empire said pointing to Eastern Armenia.

"My human name is Almast, but my mother called me Eastern Armenia. I rule the mountains and my sister to the right of me, rules the sea next to the Tigris River!" Eastern Armenia said directing Ottoman Empire's attention to Manushag who was looking away from Ottoman Empire.

Ottoman Empire took one look at her, and boy did he like her! He walked up to her and jumped onto her lap, "Well, well you are sexy as hell! When I grow up, you are going to be my wife!" Ottoman Empire said.

"Ewwww…in your dreams loser!" Western Armenia said.

"Leave my sister alone you dork, and deal with me!" Eastern Armenia said.

"Ok would you like to go into the harem?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"No, how dare you ask me such an offensive question!" Eastern Armenia said.

"Here is the deal ladies and Greece, if you want to Muslim like me you will have higher status in society, you will get twice as many tax breaks, many weapons and many more where that came from. However, if you choose to be Christians, you will have to pay high taxes, you will get no weapons and do my chores for me, no ands ifs or buts ok?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"That's what we're trying to tell you, let us all go and just let us have our own territories! We don't want to be Muslims!" Greece yelled out.

So Ottoman Empire decided to make these smartass Christians into his slaves for a while, they could still rule their own territories, but they got no better rights than those Muslims, but let's face facts, the Christian ruled territories were no better to live under if you were a non-Christian and possibly a woman!

For many years Sadik forced Eastern Armenia, Georgia and Western Armenia to cook for him, clean his room up, bring him food and apple juice and even risk their own lives to make sure none of his food was poisoned! Although at the time, the study of immortal humanoid countries was not complete, and they would have not died anyways if they were poisoned by any other mortal.

It's hard to explain but that's why it's going to be a few chapters off to explain this immortality issue! However, that did not mean they did not get sick, and whenever someone did poison his food they ended up throwing up in front of him! It made him laugh hard, and as an adult he was no better! Despite the fact that he still wore that mask of his, he also grew handsome over the years.

He just personally thought he looked better with that mask on, it also kept him out of danger so nobody would know who he was if he decided to go buy some food in the streets! Greece also grew up handsome, but he poor boy hated Ottoman Empire for the way he treated him and his Christian friends!

Then the crusades happened, the girls and Greece thought of this as a time to see if someone could come and rescue them from Ottoman takeover! France happened to be there, and so did Southern Italy, who happened to be small at the time and therefore he was forced to return home! However, France almost died fight Ottoman Empire in open battle and had to run home like the coward that he was.

Sometimes Ottoman Empire's ex-best friend Mongolia would fight over territory with him! Sometimes he would win some, other times he would lose some! Another time he took over the Balkan countries and forced them all to convert to Islam or suffer major persecution!

Sometimes he would also take Western Armenia aside since he was now defiantly over the age of eighteen, more like about two hundred or four hundred is when he asked her to marry him since he was a child. She usually said to him, "No way!"

Later on after the 1700s came and gone, Eastern Armenia, Greece and Georgia had had enough of being under the iron fist of the Ottoman Empire, it was getting to the point where he wanted Georgia and Eastern Armenia to be in his harem of many girls and it was getting to the point where he thought about killing Greece to limit the competition of men.

"We need to get out of here! I am tired of this much younger empire than us ruling over us like we have no voice! I am a Christian God damn it! I won't lose my Christianity to this jerk!" Eastern Armenia said throwing a plate down.

"We better get going soon, because right now we could be in trouble!" Georgia said.

"What about Western Armenia?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"Forget her, I asked her earlier and I think she's going to try to rat us out, she only cares about surviving, and is too chicken to risk her life running away!" Greece said.

So that night they just left Western Armenia, yes that was cruel, but guess what Greece was right, she probably would have ratted on them in fear of her own life! However, as long as Eastern Armenia stayed under Ottoman Empire, she would not have the true freedom to be a Christian. Georgia most certainly did not want to stay besides Greece and Eastern Armenia, Georgia wanted to be a free Christian too!

They went back to their territories and while Greece managed to get help to be free from other conquered countries next to him, Eastern Armenia and Georgia had help from an unlikely source! It was Russia! Russia wanted to absorb both girl countries into his empire, so they went with him and ended up kicking Ottoman Empire out of their territories, Greece and the countries surrounding him were successful too!

It was just Western Armenia that stayed out of the four! Boy did she live to regret it she wanted her sister to stay behind with her, which would have been the kind thing for Eastern Armenia to do. She woke up the next day after Eastern Armenia, Georgia and Greece left. She cried and cried all day long, she would not talk to Ottoman Empire that day and wanted to be as far away from him as possible!

However, both Eastern Armenia and Georgia would soon regret going with Russia, but it's not like they had much of a choice and Russia was glad that he absorbed them into his empire! Whenever Russia fought wars with Ottoman Empire, they would both have to join in fighting against Eastern Armenia's sister Western Armenia!

Many times, that put Western Armenia in a bad position and made Ottoman Empire accuse her of assisting her sister and her friend Georgia! Western Armenia would say, "But I'm telling you Ottoman Empire, you are the only Empire that I like, that is why I stayed behind!"

This gave Ottoman Empire the idea that Western Armenia finally gave into his crush on her, made him think that she loved him over Russia and her own sister any day! Of course this was the dumbest assumption ever, since Western Armenia would have done anything to survive, and she knew that while she would have been safer with Russia, it would not have been that much safer!

Ottoman Empire used this as an advantage to try to get her to do what he wanted her to do, while his bosses, the Sultans watched in "horror" as Ottoman Empire courted Western Armenia on the side. Even when Sultan Hamid the Second ordered many pogroms onto Western Armenia's people, Ottoman Empire still courted Western Armenia and he was the only one that could kill Western Armenia anytime, more of an explanation will be explained in this fanfiction collection I assure you!

Meanwhile with Eastern Armenia and Georgia, things were not too great either. They spent their days trying to convince their peoples that Russian Orthodoxy was the way to education, a formal actual education from the Russian Czar! Nobody fell for this, since they probably had to pay a huge fine for trying to educate their people!

Sometimes Georgia would stand up on a stand in the middle of the streets yelling, "Please start reading in Russian, it's the future to your education and life!"

"Convert to Russian Orthodoxy and go to Russian church and you will be able to read, spell and learn other languages! The Church and the Czar will see to it that when you put your heart into the Russian Orthodox version of Christianity then you will be smart!" Eastern Armenia would say in a field where the peasants were just scything out hay to store for the coming winter.

The Russian Czar's goal was simple really… to keep his citizens stupid so they would do as he said and assumed that he was the only person everyone needed in the empire! Russia was too busy to help Eastern Armenia and Georgia brain-wash the peasants and the non-Russians. His sisters had very mixed feelings about Eastern Armenia and Georgia!

Ukraine did not mind Georgia or Armenia, but she wondered if they could get along with a bunch of Russified Georgians and Armenians that lived in Russia territory before Eastern Armenia and Georgia themselves became one with Russia.

Belarus did not mind Eastern Armenia since she kept her distance from Russia most of the time and assured and persuaded her that her relationship with him was more professional than personal. Belarus could not stand Georgia! Her jealousy was very much confirmed when Russia was caught by Belarus herself looking at Georgia undress!

One day Belarus decided to go face to face with the 5'0 feet tall Georgia! Despite the fact that Belarus was only like 5'3 feet tall this did not scare Georgia at all, she saw this as a "healthy challenge" to her mentality for some stupid reason! "You stay away from my brother you bitch!" Belarus would say.

"I don't have any interest in your brother!" Georgia said lifting an eyebrow to Belarus.

"He is interested in you!" Belarus said.

"Duh, someone with beautiful dark white to light brown skin like mine, of course any man would flock to me!" Georgia said getting cocky.

This was not the reason why Belarus was jealous, in fact Belarus did not see the clearly different looking and ethnic looking Georgia as a threat because of her skin complexion, it had more to do with the fact that Russia hanged around Georgia more than around Belarus. Georgia thought she was prettier than Belarus and had the tendency to be vain, but she was delusional in this case!

Then they would start to fight with one another, and of course Georgia would win because she was tough as nails and would chase Belarus around with a Georgian sword, which was almost as ethnic looking as Georgia herself!

Sometimes Belarus would show up to her brother later on and show him what Georgia did to her as a result of Belarus "proclaiming her love" for Russia. Russia would shake his head and say, "That is what you get for conflicting Georgia now isn't it?"

Belarus would feel hurt afterwards even though she knew clearly deep down inside that she was asking for it!

Meanwhile a World War was about to break out and change these three countries forever! Turn the page!


	8. Chapter 8

_Big Changes for Western Armenia _

Oh yes a huge World War broke out between the mortals and the poor countries were stuck in the middle trying to help their bosses! Russia tried and tried harder to get Georgia to like him, but she just could not do what her heart did not want her to do. Eastern Armenia stayed neutral and that was a good thing!

During this time, Western Armenia felt that the only person….err country…..err empire that would give her needs a boost would be Ottoman Turkey. After all despite being completely younger than Western Armenia, he always thought she was cute! He also always wanted to marry her, although we all know that probably would have gone downhill anyways.

One day Western Armenia snuck up behind Ottoman Empire, he was standing on the balcony looking at the stars in the sky.

"I wonder if Jesus is up there playing with Mohammad," Western Armenia said trying to strike up a conversation with him.

"I don't know, maybe I haven't given much thought to that." Ottoman Empire said.

"While we're at it, maybe we can play our own game." Western Armenia said touching Ottoman Empire's butt.

"Uhhhh what do you mean play our own game? Are we talking about having kids already?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"No, let's just stick to the sex part for now!" Western Armenia then took Ottoman Empire by the hand and then started kissing him, and then she took his mask off without him somehow not noticing. Yes they made love that night! Do need to go into more specifics? The point being that Western Armenia was just getting desperate enough to play with Ottoman Empire's feelings so that she would survive.

Suddenly their lives changed when the Sultan was overthrown and Ottoman Empire's new bosses took over. It was a radical party called "The Young Turks," who simply just lied to all the Christians telling them that they were going to be equal under this new Turkish regime! World War 1 came around the corner and Ottoman Empire continued to lose more and more territory!

Despite the fact that Ottoman Empire was terrified of his old Sultan bosses and was big in scary himself, he had plenty of new reasons to hate and fear his new bosses!

When it got to the point where many of the Balkans were able to beat Ottoman Empire off, many of the Muslims living in the Balkans under Christian rule decided to run away to Ottoman Empire, Ottoman Empire was expected to treat them like they somehow were Turks and because they were Muslims, they would have a higher status.

There were rumors going around Ottoman Empire that the Christians mistreated the Muslims that lived in their territories and that they were treated cruelly by the bosses of the Christian countries, while the Christian countries just sat there and watched them suffer. This is the part where it might get a little bit bloody.

After losing a big war to control Eastern Armenia and Georgia, also with the possibility to kill the two countries, Ottoman Empire saw the advantage to get Western Armenia to marry him! When his new bosses decided to systematically kill their Christian subjects, he got the idea that he would take Western Armenia out into the desert to make her watch her subjects get murdered and make her feel helpless enough to marry him!

When the systemic massacres occurred Ottoman Empire took Western Armenia out into the desert and drew his sword upon her after kicking her down into the sand, "You would love Russia more-so than me wouldn't you! You just miss your sister and her stupid Georgian friend don't you?" Ottoman Empire said.

"What are you talking about Ottoman Empire? I don't like Russia, I don't like his bitchy sister and Eastern Armenia writes to me that Belarus harasses Georgia on a daily biases, because Belarus is in love with her own brother!" Western Armenia said.

"Ewww, I wish you didn't tell me that! Since you have kept up secret contact with your slutty sister, I will kill you! You would die for your sister but never for me! That is why you must die!" Ottoman Empire said.

"Hellppppp!" Western Armenia yelled, although chances were that Ottoman Empire would not kill her, even though it looked like he would.

She then saw Germany next to a bunch of German and Turkish soldiers watching as a bunch of Ottoman Christians died in horrible ways, which I refuse to mention how! Western Armenia tried to get Germany to pay attention to her.

"Germany, help me! Ottoman Empire is about to kill me! I'm one of the first countries in the world to be Christian! Surely you would help your fellow Christian?" Western Armenia yelled out.

"Sorry I'm not allowed to interfere, I have to go and throw up from the smell of blood in the air!" Germany said as he ran to the Tigris River.

"Oh damn it!" Western Armenia yelled out.

"Any last words... before I cut your head off and put it on a stake? You know, to display my dominance over your people?" Ottoman Empire said about to cut her head off!

"Wait, have mercy on me! I am innocent and I don't like Russia, I truly mean it!" Western Armenia said crying.

Despite the fact that Ottoman Empire had the tendency to have a very cold heart he took pity on this poor girl country! It's probably because she was a girl that he intended to go easy on her, that and his intense crush on her!

Then out of nowhere America showed up with a bunch of fast food bags, "I am here for the Near East Relief on behave of the USA! Where are the starving Christians?" America asked.

"Oh, over there!" Ottoman Empire said pointing his sword to the many starved to death Christians and other stuff I refuse to mention!

"Dude you like made a mess of thing!" America said.

"Please, please don't tell anyone, my bosses would have a fit! It was their idea, clearly their idea not mine!" Ottoman Empire said flashing his sword towards America as if threatening him.

"Wow cool sword dude, I see that it has blood on it. Just let me feed these starving people!" America said.

"Ok fine just don't tell anyone!" Ottoman Empire said as America went over to the starving people to feed them something they did not need…fast food!

"Now where were we? Oh yes, please don't make me kill you!" Ottoman Empire said rising his sword into the air as if threatening to behead her.

"Please Ottoman Empire have mercy on a poor Christian woman like me! I will do anything to stay alive!" Western Armenia yelled.

Then Ottoman Empire put his sword away, "Anything?" he asked.

Few days later, Ottoman Empire and Western Armenia got married! Western Armenia converted to Islam and Ottoman Empire changed his name to Turkey! Western Armenia then changed her name to Eastern Turkey!

This new identity of hers was getting on her sister's nerves, though now some years past as "Eastern Turkey" was starting to accept her new identity as a wife and a Muslim. It's like after the Turks took out the rest of the Christians with only a few thousand left, kicked them out of Eastern Turkey's territory and such, Eastern Turkey could only think of how she was now a wife of a Muslim country!

Even when her people's churches were destroyed and used as garbage cans, turned into Mosques and new neighborhoods went up, and Muslims started moving into her people' houses, she turned a blind eye because she was so stupid and always wanted to play the victim who expected someone to come and rescue her!

One day she was allowed to visit her sister in now Soviet Russia under her sister's new boss…Stalin! She took some photographs of how she was with Turkey! She showed Eastern Armenia the photographs of how she and Turkey were on the beach and how Syria took the photos of them!

"Oh I just can't stop thinking about him!" Western Armenia said.

Yes I know that I should be calling her Eastern Turkey, but that just gets confusing so I'm sticking to her name Western Armenia!

"I keep telling you sister he's not good for you! It's like he has brainwashed you into liking him! The last time we saw one another you did not like him at all, you only wanted to stay because you would rather have a better education under Ottoman Empire because you wanted to stay Armenian Orthodox and talk to Western missionaries, while Georgia and I took our chances of being Russian Orthodox and getting a good education!" Eastern Armenia said.

"Don't be silly I'm not brainwashed!" Western Armenia said.

Later that evening she went home and started dreaming too much, dreaming of a simpler time when she was her sister's best friend in the world, how they would ride on their mom's now dead Caspian tiger, how they would help one another up to the top of the pomegranate trees to pick pomegranates off to make pomegranate soup.

How their mom would lecture to them about Jesus Christ after she converted to Christianity. The importance of his sacrifice and how him directly forgiving Ancient Armenia and her country friends for throwing rocks at them, made all the difference in the world. It's as if Western Armenia completely lost her Armenian identity!

After those memories came back to her she ran to Turkey who was working in his study and smoking opium below a picture of Mustafa Kemal. She walked up to him, "Turkey I want to go home now." She said.

"What are you talking about, you are home!" Turkey said.

"No you don't understand, I want to go back to being Christian, I want to go back to being Armenian and not Turkish!" Western Armenia said.

"Which reminds me, I got orders from my boss and he says that you have to change your name again!" Turkey said handing Western Armenia a piece of paper.

"What is this?" she asked.

"A declaration that states you must now call yourself, "Turkish Kurdistan"!" Turkey said then putting his opium pipe down and drinking his apple juice!

"Are you nuts? I'm not a Kurd! I'm supposed to be Turkish now! I don't want be Turkish anymore! I don't even want to be a Kurd, have you ever even asked me about this?" Western Armenia asked.

"Don't look at me! The boss wanted me to tell you this! Why does everyone have to be so hard on me! It's my boss's faults that everything happens that I have little to no control over!" Turkey said.

"Really, then why didn't you kill me out in the desert along with the rest of the Christians?" Western Armenia asked.

"Because, I liked you, I wanted to marry you and threaten you into marrying me. Sure a lot of our people were dying out there, but the three Pashas told me that I would die if I were to help any of them out!" Turkey said.

"But Turkey you were a bystander, that's not a good thing! You should have ran away with me to my sister's place!" Western Armenia said.

"Look babe, I don't want to get mixed up with a crappy sibling like your sister ok?" Turkey said.

"No wonder you won't let me go home, you are just afraid that I'm going to be a Christian again aren't you?" Western Armenia asked.

Her bickering was starting to get on his nerves! He had tried to tell her like it was, and how his bosses were sometimes very hard on him because they came off as being cold and cruel! She did not understand because before he took her over, her bosses treated her nicely, how would she of know what those mean Sultans, Pashas and now Kemal would have really thought! Interpretation was up for grabs as of now!

Days later Turkey filed for a divorce from Western Armenia after it was finalized he kicked her to the curve….literally! He just drove her to now Eastern Turkey where the Kurds lived, and left her there to go back to Istanbul.

She felt abandoned and did not want to talk to any of the Kurds for a long time, although they can almost hardly be blamed for Western Armenia's sorrow. After they helped Ottoman Empire massacre her people, it took her even a few years to talk to any of them.

Years went by she kind of started to miss Turkey and wanted to go back to him, so she snuck into Istanbul, what she found was something she did not want to see!

Turn the page!


	9. Chapter 9

_The Ultimate Betrayal _

Turkey was spying on Ukraine taking a bath in a hot tub with her sister Belarus! They were talking to one another about how stressful Russia's new boss was on him! How they were put up for murder and purges, but that it was useless the countries did not come close to dying! "God Belarus, I just don't understand how Russia puts up with that man!" Ukraine said.

"I know he already starved half of the peasants to death and now he's going after his political enemies as well, he can't just kill us unless he manipulates one of us to kill the other." Belarus said rolling her eyes and looking up at the sky.

More will be explained about this mortals can't kill countries stuff a few chapters from now, just like the other stuff that does not seem to make sense right now!

With Turkey was a little boy, h kind of looked like Turkey, but he had brown eyes!

It was Northern Cyprus nobody knows where he came from, who his parents or sire was or whatnot. We just know that now he was hanging out with Turkey and had many plans to take over the northern half of Cyprus's territory and make it all Turkish and Muslim!

"Turkey can we go home now, I'm bored!" Northern Cyprus yelled.

"Just a minuet young man, I am trying to concentrate here!" Turkey yelled looking through binoculars at Ukraine as she decided to take her bikini top off and damn…those knockers were so huge that "poor" Turkey started maybe pitching a tent, or thought about doing it!

"Oh my, that feels good!" Turkey said closing his eyes behind his masked face.

"Dude can we go home now, I don't see what he point in spying on these girls and watching them take their bikini tops off is supposed to help the Turkish government?" Northern Cyprus said.

"That's only for me to know and you to find out!" Turkey said.

Now here comes the part where Western Armenia has a fit! She found Turkey after asking around where he could have gone and guess what….she found him spying on Ukraine and Belarus in a hot tub!

"NOOOO! Turkey how could you!" Western Armenia then ran back to her territory and called her sister by telephone to come back up to her to talk to her about this horrible incident!

Western Armenia ran up to Eastern Armenia to stay with her for a while, "I'm sorry about your relationship, but I told you he was…." Before Eastern Armenia could finish what she was saying, Western Armenia interrupted.

"Don't talk, don't rub it in, just comfort me!" Western Armenia said crying loudly, and she cried and cried for hours with her head on her sister's lap!

Days went by and Eastern Armenia tried to get Western Armenia out into the fields to work with the scythe, but Western Armenia did not know how to use one! She flung the scythe out of the fields and started breaking down while all the others just ignored her oblivious to her pain, when they clearly had their own pain to deal with!

Western Armenia cried for many more decades until well end to the Cold War! Finally Eastern Armenia got so annoyed with her sister crying for days on end that she decided to go to Turkey without Russia's permission and take him head on! It was not so much Western Armenia crying constantly that bugged her. For many years, Eastern Armenia had a huge grudge against Turkey because he kicked her sister Western Armenia (now Eastern Turkey, or Kurdistan) to the curve!

So she did what any good sister would do, went over to her ex brother-in-law to yell at him! She managed to get down there safely and as soon as that happened, there was screaming, there was clawing and there was yelling!

"How can you do that to my sister? You should be ashamed of yourself! You made her cry!" Eastern Armenia said throwing a chair in Turkey's direction, although it missed and hit poor Northern Cyprus.

By then Northern Cyprus inherited Turkey's conquered territory, so now according to Turkey he's his own country, whereas nobody else really cares about Northern Cyprus's existence. People looked at Northern Cyprus as an Oliver on "the Brady Bunch", Dawn on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and Raven Someone's character on "The Cosby Show". He was almost unnecessary!

He also did not seem to have much of a backbone either! Northern Cyprus ran out of the room screaming, "Turkey she's scary!"

"She's not scary, she sexy! I'll take care of this once and for all!" Turkey said.

He walked up to Eastern Armenia and with all of his might he grabbed her by the wrists and said, "Now do we know to exclude to violence?"

"Let me go, let me go!" Eastern Armenia said.

"You need to relax and just tell me quietly what you are so upset about." Turkey said letting go of her wrists and taking his mask off.

"Have you even listened to a word I just…" She stopped talking. She was it seemed hypnotized by his Asian white features! Those green eyes, that brown hair, that beard of his! "I have to use the restroom, do you have an outhouse?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"You know Almast Hayastan, you look sexier than the day I first saw you!" Turkey said.

"Wow, nobody has ever said that before." Almast said looking into those green eyes!

Earlier it was said that Eastern Armenia hated the fact that her sister Western Armenia (now called Eastern Turkey Kurdistan) was married to Turkey because he could be controlling. Nothing went as planned, and there is an old saying that life comes at you fast!

Russia and his boss were having an argument, it was embarrassing what Eastern Armenia had done to her sister, it was betrayal, even worse than the time she and Georgia left her by herself to Ottoman Empire's mercy! For Russia not to escort her there, that was an even bigger downfall!

"How could you let Eastern Armenia carelessly walk into the home of Turkey like that?" Russia's boss asked.

Russia gulped and replied, "I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted on going! When she went I was doing something else more important, I was trying to collect more grain up for the communist party! I didn't have time to help her…"

"Well now you are going to have another unnecessary responsibility ahead of you!" Russia's boss said.

Actually it is way more complicated than bloodshed! When Western Armenia found out the betrayal and the result of her sister, she was so speechless and she never wanted to talk to her ever again! So what did Eastern Armenia do that was so bad?

Turkey not only managed to seduce Eastern Armenia with his good looks and bed her that night, but after that one night stand she came home pregnant with not one but two children! Yes she was pregnant! Yes she was stupid enough not to have brought Russia with her, had Russia been looking after her, she might not have been so tempted to go! She was stupid enough to fall for Turkey's charm!

In fact, Turkey did not find out about this until the day of the delivery! He went to Russia's territory and waited outside with Western Armenia, Belarus, Ukraine and Northern Cyprus. He was nervous and he could not believe this happened! "I'm too young to be a father of two babies! I didn't think that it was going to happen!" Turkey said crying.

"It's called a condom! The Cold War is almost over come on! Surely you knew about condoms right? Thanks to your stupidity my brother is in huge trouble with the Boss!" Belarus said sitting next to Turkey and knitting a sweater for the coming babies.

"Sister, though I still love you, I can't forgive you for going over to Turkey's house like that and getting accidently pregnant like that! Surely I believed that you hated him, but now I am assuming that his green puppy-dog eyes seduced you too soon!" Western Armenia said crying since she now had a slightly different reason to cry…her ex-husband impregnated her sister and slept with her!

Ukraine was also hurt, she thought she was totally responsible for this, how was she to know that Turkey planned on spying on her and her sister that night in the hot tub? "I guess that's what I get for not paying attention to Turkey's sexual advances onto me!" she said.

"Please Ukraine; it's hardly your fault! I'm the one that should be looking up to better role models!" Northern Cyprus said.

Finally, after fourteen long hours of a difficult birth, this one night stand between Turkey and Eastern Armenia produced two misbehaving children! A boy and a girl, yes since Almast was a twin, twins ran in her gene pool! It was normal to her since she was a twin, maybe she could teach these twins how to love one another and not end up separated like her sister and her!

The son's name was Azerbaijan and the daughter's name was Nagorno-Karabakh, and they fight all the time! When they got older Azerbaijan usually lived with his father Turkey while Nagorno-Karabakh stayed with her mother Eastern Armenia to help with the household chores.

At the time when those two fought Eastern Armenia called Russia into the room to break them up! However, Russia was having issues with Karvelian Georgia and wanted to make this as quickly as possible!

Azerbaijan was fight with Nagorno-Karabakh over, "That is my pipeline!"

"No this is my pipeline and has always been!" Nagorno-Karabakh said.

"Russia, help me with these two brats!" Eastern Armenia yelled out.

Russia was pretty much the only male in Caucasian territory that bothered to help her look after the children, Turkey was always busy and sometimes did not have time for the kids. In fact, the loser Turkey did not even pay child support to Eastern Armenia because he hated her so much, and he hated that his daughter with her wanted to be more like her mom than like her dad!

"Hey kids can you please just calm down and give me my pipeline back?" Russia said.

"I say you dump them in the garbage can, that's where they belong! Russia is mine, beat it brats!" Belarus said.

"Belarus, I think you're missing the point," Russia said shaking his head.

Meanwhile things were no better between Russia and Georgia, Russia had been trying to get Georgia to be one with him from day one! He still continued it even if Georgia was "one with Russia". Finally Georgia gave into her blind lust and slept with Russia, but no babies formed just to let you know!

She told Eastern Armenia about it, "You think you are having trouble with keeping your kids in check, I keep leading Russia on by mistake!"

"Why don't you just stop beating around the bush and tell Russia the truth ok?" Eastern Armenia said.

It was then that Georgia decided to leave Russia's inner circle since the bickering between her and Belarus continued to get bad. She also did not want to lead him on any longer!

"You're leaving Georgia? Why?" Russia asked.

"I'm sorry Russia, but I have to go and be my own woman now! I mean I want to go back to being my own woman since we're not communist any longer. My boss doesn't like you and I don't like you either." Georgia said.

Then there was that one time when Russia begged Georgia to come back to him, he missed her and North Ossetia, another nation that was in Russia's inner circle was outraged at this!

"Russia she's not worth it, she is so not worth it!" North Ossetia yelled out.

"But Ossetia, Georgia is perfect for me!" Russia said.

South Ossetia, North Ossetia's sister told Russia like it was too, "Georgia is such a bitch and she antagonized me!"

Ok that's a different story chao! Now for the moment you all have been waiting for, how nations are born! All this will be explained as soon as…you turn the page!


	10. Chapter 10

_All About Countries Lecture One_

This is a lecture about where countries come from and how they are formed! You will be reading about in this segment of how they reproduce, who can reproduce and with whom they can reproduce, so to make this all interesting and not boring, we will be putting many of these countries, regions and others into the big building and having someone that knows about countries well enough to lecture them all about this!

You are probably wondering how this happened, one day all the countries, regions, cities and split countries wanted to know where they all came from, so there was an invitation sent to each and every one of these people! They all came and there was a huge assembly, the building was so huge that it could fit every one of these countries!

The person lecturing this of course was Mother Nature, because she was a part of the earth, therefore a part of the universe and all that other complicated stuff that I'm going to explain!

"Good evening everyone, I am here to tell you all where you come from and how you live, die, reproduce and survive severe situations that would just kill a regular mortal!" Mother Nature said smiling.

Mother Nature looked like a middle aged woman, with curly brown hair, big bright blue eyes and with green skin color…ha! You thought I was going to say that she was a white woman! How can she be any race of humans if she is from the actual Earth itself?

Mother Nature turned on the overhead and got her laser to lecture what was on the overhead, "Ok what is the first thing you all want to know? Take your times, I am not going anywhere for a while!" Mother Nature said.

China raised his hand and then asked, "Yes where do we come from?"

"You should be thinking about, how you form!" Mother Nature said.

"Lady, just tell us where we come from or else I'm going to have to proclaim a Jihad on you!" Turkey said getting his sword out.

"You can't kill Mother Nature Turkey, we'll never find out if you do!" Greece said.

"Hold on Turkey, a Jihad isn't a Jihad if the perpetrator isn't armed and dangerous so don't take that tone with me!" Mother Nature said.

"Yes Mother Nature," Turkey said looking disappointed as he put his sword away.

"First of all let me put up a diagram on how a country is born! Here is a diagram of a male country and a female country!" Mother Nature said putting up a photo of a male and a female diagram.

"Countries are usually split off into males and females like any other human, the only difference between your reproductive systems is that males can actually asexually and sexually reproduce and so can females!" Mother Nature said smiling.

"Wow that's so awesome man!" America said.

"It is also possible to mate with a regular mortal, mate with other countries, regions, cities and mate with oneself!" Mother Nature said.

"Do females still have to carry babies for nine months? I carried Azerbaijan and Nagorno-Karabakh for nine months, and my mother carried Western Armenia and I for nine months!" Eastern Armenia asked raising her hand.

"Yes they still do, it doesn't matter if you are reproducing asexually or sexually. It doesn't matter who the father is or isn't, you still have to carry young for nine months!"

"Well then that means that the rules of biology is still not fair to females, doesn't it?" Hungary asked.

"Of course it isn't has anything ever been fair to females?" Prussia asked laughing at Hungary.

"So to sum it up, countries can mate with mortal humans and other countries, and they can do it asexually and sexually? Then females still have to carry young for nine months?" Russia asked.

"Yes exactly!" Mother Nature said smiling.

"Can you help me with my obsession with wanting to marry my brother and kill anyone that gets near him?" Belarus asked.

"That you would have to see a psychiatrist for, I'm a geologist, a biologist and a chemist, and I don't study human behavior!" Mother Nature said.

"So Hong Kong might have formed from either China or me?" England asked.

"Yes exactly, however if Hong Kong formed from either of you, it would happen when you least expect it!" Mother Nature said.

"So how do we know if we're pregnant or not?" China asked.

"Uhhh, you don't! Whenever a new region or country is proclaimed by mortals, sometimes when the countries are two males, some of their energies will form into your skins and when you are distracted really greatly, like if you are taking a long nap or are in a coma, you will split off into another being and that being will become a region, country, or city and or territory!" Mother Nature said.

"So who is my father then?" Hong Kong asked.

"We're not sure, and the father doesn't know either!" Mother Nature said.

At this time in the lecture as confused as everyone was, they had nobody else smart or tolerant enough for their impatience to lecture them these complicated "birds and the bees" theories. It was almost if not totally laughable, Turkey, France and Prussia were pretty much the only ones that were laughing in the audience while the other countries, regions, cities and territories were confused.

"Could you repeat all that, I am trying to take notes here and I can't seem to concentrate!" Estonia said.

"Then maybe you need to go to a Concentration Camp?" Prussia said laughing at Estonia.

"Please Prussia! That is not funny!" Germany said shaking his head sadly.

"Yes Prussia do shut up, I want to know where I come from!" Austria said.

"Ok enough, let's continue! Let's take Eastern Armenia's mom for instance. We don't know if she reproduced asexually or sexually! There is no record that states if she had sex with a mortal or if she had sex with a country or asexually reproduced!" Mother Nature said putting up a picture of Eastern and Western Armenia's mom.

"Boy this is getting complicated," Estonia said trying to keep up on taking notes.

"If she asexually reproduced she will still have to carry Eastern and Western Armenia for nine months! The reason why it takes females longer to give birth and asexually reproduce is because of their female organs! Males can asexually reproduce with themselves and within minutes and hours, whereas when women asexually or sexually reproduce they still have to carry young for nine months, due to their soft skin and complicated reproductive system." Mother Nature said.

"I'm beginning to think this lecture is very sexist!" Hungary said.

"I'm beginning to lose interest and concentration" said Kartvelian Georgia, the ex-Soviet state.

"What it's just the truth, the harsh truth, females are basically built to endure psychical pain more-so than males because males are built to not endure such reproductive complications such as that of a female country! That's just the way countries are formed, it's hardly sexist or whatnot, and it's just a part of nature!" Mother Nature said.

"Could you leave my mom out of this?" Western Armenia asked.

"Ok fine, we'll use Germany and Prussia's dad as an example for the male counterpart! Germany and Prussia are both males, their dad is the Germanic Empire, and chances are he either mated with a female mortal, female country or territory or asexually reproduced to form Prussia and Germany separately since Prussia is older than Germany and Germany is younger than Prussia!" Mother Nature said putting up a picture of the German Empire.

"Then where did my brother and I come from?" Southern Italy asked.

"We don't know that either!" Mother Nature said.

Stick around and stay tooned for another segment of _All About Countries_, which will not continue until after a couple of stories!

Let's see what Afghanistan is up to!


	11. Chapter 11

_Afghanistan Must Choose Between Russia and Britain_

Afghanistan as you know from a few stories back has had some trouble in his times. He had helped Persia defeat Scythia a number of times, saved himself from being raped by the 6'6 feet tall Scythia, and even managed to hand over personal and private info he discovered about Scythia so Persia could take her down!

Somewhere along the lines he changed his name after the Macedonians, Greeks and finally romans took over him! Somewhere maybe during the Mongol takeover, his name was changed from Bacteria to Afghanistan because the main tribesmen were the Afghan peoples or the Pashto tribes! He was now his own empire, his own country and his own man!

However, in these past centuries, Afghanistan had little to no contact with his friend Persia, especially after England and Russia fought over him, then Soviet Russia and his allies took him over, then his new bosses the cruel Taliban deprived him of fancy stuff!

The cruel Taliban also did not let Afghanistan he was not allowed to talk to Persia because she was a girl nation and he was forced to watch executions of women getting stoned, set on fire and get their noses cut off by the Taliban! He wanted to rescue Persia so that she could defeat the Taliban for him, but unfortunately it was impossible since there was a slight possibility that he could step on a landmine!

He also was treated cruelly by the Taliban and was forced to laugh at deprived women since they would cut his throat if he did not. He was almost as afraid of his new bosses as he was of the English and the Russians! Now that America wanted to save him from the Taliban, he was grateful, but he still did not trust America!

Standing at only 5'0 feet tall, he was a small man with a big heart and soul! He loved and respected women, unlike those stupid bosses of his! Then there was a time when before Russia became Soviet Union that he had to choose between those Brits and the Russians in the 1800s!

Long ago in the 1800s, yes this is another flashback, but anyways he was struggling to be freed from the influences of Russia and England. England had already taken over India, and Russia took over what was Eastern Persia, technically what used to belong to Scythia.

Which reminds me, whatever did happen to Scythia? Nobody knows what happened to her! While some say that Scythia ran away and mated with Russia and Mongolia and bore many sons and daughters of those tribes. Some also say she was killed by Macedonia and his boss Alexander the Great when she tried to put her tribesmen against them! Others say she is now the sire of Ossetia and other Eastern Iranian groups! We will never know!

Back to Afghanistan, one day, Russia and England were arguing over who will get to influence Afghanistan the most while poor Afghanistan stood there and just cried.

"I want to make him Russian!" Russia yelled out.

"I think he would make lesser of a savage if he simply went with my Anglo ideas!" England said.

"Please, he loves me more, I'm more Eastern oriented like him!" Russia said drinking a long shot of vodka.

"Oh yah, well if you're so Eastern how come you…you…oh shut up Slavic inbreed!" England said.

"Guys, guys! I don't like either of you!" Afghanistan said.

It did not matter in the end what Afghanistan thought, his opinion was useless to them because they wanted his land and there was not a damn thing he could do about it! Other time this was an issue was when the Shah was overthrown next store and I guess that gave the Soviets a chance to try to take over Afghanistan since the Shah could no longer protect him or his people!

One day outside of the city of Kabul the Russian tank was about to go into the city and Afghanistan knew what he had to do! He stepped in front of the tank.

"Please give me your land and nobody will get hurt!" Russia said.

"But Russia, I have nothing to offer you! My people are dirt poor and all we do all day is pray five times a day at our mosques, and make carpets and knit caps to put on our heads!" Afghanistan said.

"Now you are going to be one with Russia!" Russia yelled out.

All the sudden Belarus stepped out of the tank and stood next to Russia, "Just surrender your land and don't you dare attack my brother, or else I will attack you!" she yelled.

"But he's the one that is trying to steal my land; of course I want to attack him!" Afghanistan said.

Afghanistan must have said the wrong thing, because he ended up with a black eye and a couple of broken teeth in the back of his mouth! It was Ukraine that beat him up, Belarus was forced to duck back down into the tank, so Russia sent out his big sister Ukraine to beat the living tar out of Afghanistan!

Later on that day he had a meeting with some of the townspeople, "How are we going to get Russia and his Soviet friends out of here?" Afghanistan asked.

Someone raised their hand, "I do know this one group that can help!"

"Who?" Afghanistan asked.

Later on he went to these people's secret hiding place, "So you are Afghanistan?" the leader asked.

"Yes, yes I am. I want to get Russia and his Soviet friends out of here!" Afghanistan said.

He went into the house as soon as the secret group was sure that it was safe for him to come in. He sat down at the table and started talking with them; at first what they said made sense. They talked about how they wanted to get the USA to support them and give them weapons to fight Russia and his sisters, Eastern Armenia, Georgia, the three Baltic States and last but not least, everyone else I did not mention off.

Then things started to get strange, especially when the leader of this secret group said some strange stuff that did not click well with Afghanistan, "After we fight the Soviets off we will then take over all of Afghanistan and start mutilating women, killing men without long beards on their faces, back to the basics of Islamic rule!"

"Wait, now hold on a minute! Since when does Islam require to mutilating women and killing men who don't wear long beards? Are you sure you guys are even good Muslims? Islam requires respecting women, treating them like goddesses and…"

"Afghanistan are you going to get help from anywhere else besides us and the USA? Nobody else so far has come forward to defeat these atheist infidels!" The leader of what was now apparently the Taliban said.

"No," Afghanistan said.

Later on while the war was going on, America arrived in Afghanistan to give weapons to the Taliban to fight off Russia, his sisters and his minions! Afghanistan had to run up to America to tell him the truth, its better late than never he thought.

"America I have to tell you something about this group of men you are supporting!" Afghanistan said.

"What? I'm busy loading my guns up so I can give them the guns!" America said.

"These men aren't who you think they are! They aren't dedicated Muslims, they want to take over after Russia, his sisters and his minions are driven out!" Afghanistan said.

"As long as they drive Russia and his lackeys out, then that is all that matters! I'm America, and when you mess with a friend, you mess with me!" America said after he finished loading the gun.

Russia looked onto the frontline and then said, "Armenia attack!"

Eastern Armenia then came out with what appeared to be a guerilla costume on, and then she got a couple of grenades and threw them over to America and Afghanistan!

"Look out!" Afghanistan said as he "karate kicked" the grenade into the air, fast enough so that he had enough time to save his leg from being blown to bits!

Then America started shooting the gun towards Armenia and she got her arm shot, "Damn it! Help!" She yelled out.

Russia then jumped out of the tank, picked Armenia up and took her back into the tank for treatment.

"You would never do that for me Russia! You want me dead don't you! Just admit it!" Belarus said with furious jealousy!

Georgia then jumped into the battle zone, "Yo Capitalist, give it to me good, come on I dare you!" Georgia said with her thick Georgian accent.

America then yelled out, "France give it to her good!"

France jumped out, took his off and blew Georgia a kiss, Georgia screamed and ran back into the tank!

"Oh come on Georgia, you know you think I'm sexy!" France said walking back behind America and Afghanistan.

"Maybe I shouldn't have chosen France after all." America said.

Afghanistan then said, "What are we going to do? They are still coming at us!" Afghanistan said.

"I have another idea, England use some of that hocus pocus magic you have on you!" America said.

"With pleasure!" England said.

"What is he doing here? He tried to take over my country many years ago and…" Before Afghanistan could finish what he was saying, he looked at England conjuring something up!

As it turned out, England conjured up a...bunny rabbit, which ended up running away. It would be a few days before England got his energy back together for another conjuration.

"This isn't going very well is it?" Afghanistan asked America.

"Now will you let us handle our own damn issues?" The leader of the Taliban asked.

"Oh sure go ahead," America said.

"No, no America! You can't let them…." Afghanistan was interrupted by America.

"Cool, they are like blowing themselves up and junk!" America said.

"That's not cool, that's very different warfare, warfare that isn't far at all!" Afghanistan said shaking his head.

Russia and his minions decided to go home, after many years of trying to take over Afghanistan. They did not understand these suicide bombers at all, as of why they did not just ambush them from back instead of blowing themselves up, that was a huge mystery for them.

"You know Belarus; I have no idea why those people blew themselves up in front of us. Do you think its psychological warfare they are using?" Russia asked as he was driving the tank back to the north.

"If they ever blow themselves up and you are blown up with them Russia, I would be so lost without you!" Belarus said with a shocked look on her face.

They say that Belarus went totally nuts after that, after witnessing the Taliban blow themselves up with the bombs, not that she was not nuts before that. After that incident, she was never really the same; she became suspicious of anyone who was around her brother, this time worse than during the 1940s or the 1960s.

However the Taliban failed to kill Russia, his sisters and his minions all together because the countries like the Gods were immortal and hard to kill! That does not mean that they could not be destroyed, it would have to take other countries to destroy them, that's the only way it could happen, it could not be the bosses or any other mortal!

Like for instance Stalin had tried to kill Russia, his sisters and his other minions many times, but it never worked because Russia was too immortal for that to happen. Mao tried to kill China many times, but that did nothing either, and Germany was almost killed by Hitler for sure, but the only other people that died where the people that got into Hitler's way, Germany and Prussia were pretty much alive.

So it was miraculous enough that Russia and everyone managed to get away from the suicide bombers without much of a scratch, because any mortal would have been fatally wounded!

"They most certainly must have super crappy lives if they go and try to blow themselves up like that, along with trying to blow us up with them!" Lithuania said in the tank.

"Don't these idiots know that you can't kill a country, the only people that can do that are countries themselves?" Estonia said drinking tea and analyzing the data for the number of casualties of the mortals that were sent to take over Afghanistan.

"Hold still Armenia, I need to get this bullet out of your arm!" Ukraine said.

"Ouch it hurts!" Eastern Armenia said crying.

"You think you are the only one hurt, look at poor Georgia." Latvia said.

"I saw his penis, it was so, so wonderful! I don't ever want to see that again!" Georgia said rocking back and forth while on the floor.

Meanwhile with America and Afghanistan looked on as the tanks of Russia and everyone else left Afghanistan! "Cool, like we scared them off!" America yelled.

"Yes, but they can be back! You do realize that the only people that can kill them are countries like us and not like the secret group we were helping out?" Afghanistan said.

"I got to go tell my boss that we defeated Russia, his sisters and every one of his minions!" America said leaving.

"Wait why are you leaving me? You can't leave me with the Taliban, these guys are nuts! They blow themselves up and they enslave women! I have seen them set their own wives and children on fire for not bringing them the right opium!" Afghanistan yelled at America.

"Sorry pal you are on your own from now on! Until next time bro!" America said going back to the plane.

"Wait, don't leave me here!" Afghanistan said crying.

That friends and enemies is how the Soviets were driven out and how America left poor Afghanistan at the mercy at the Taliban, who also tried to kill him, but it was useless! They tried stoning him, tried beheading him, and then tried to cut his nose and hands off, but it was all useless! They were stuck with him whether or not they liked it!

When it comes down to it, it was all America's fault, and then when he came back, he only made matters worse.

"You thought I would leave you forever, God that is so stupid dude!" America said.

"Oh shut up America, I hate you; I never want to talk to you again!" Afghanistan said.

Now let's go to the lecture of how countries die! Go to the next page to find out more!


	12. Chapter 12

_All About Countries Lecture Two_

Once again the countries were all in a big stadium with Mother Nature lecturing to them about where they came from! This time however was how the mortality of the countries was possible! Countries were known to have very long lifespans compared to humans, however they did not die so easily like other humans did!

"Ok everyone, start throwing out questions!" Mother Nature yelled out.

Prussia started, "Why are we all still alive….well most of us!"

"Some of our empires have fallen and yet we're still alive!" Russia yelled.

"Because countries, nations, regions and cities are immortal," Mother Nature said, putting up a picture of Zeus, which was of course very irrelevant because these people were not Gods or Goddesses, just immortal.

"Doesn't that mean we can't die?" Assyria asked.

"Yes and no!" Mother Nature said.

Then there was useless chatter from all sides of the stadium, "But what explains my grandfather Rome's death, and Holy Rome's death?" Northern Italy asked.

"What explains my Grandfather Germania's death too?" Germany asked.

"That's an easy one; your grandfathers and friends were all killed by other nations, countries or cities, and includes regions!" Mother Nature said putting up a picture of Germania killing Grandfather Rome!

All the sudden Northern Italy started freaking out and started crying to the point where he yelled, "Germany! Germany! You would never do that to me would you?"

Germany sighed and shook his head, "No Feliciano, no! Just because my grandpa killed yours doesn't mean I'm going to do the same thing to you!" Ludwig said.

"Did you hear that Kitty! We're safe…for now!" Northern Italy said holding his cat up and then kissing it.

"Awwwww," all the women countries, regions and cities went in the audience.

All the male countries rolled their eyes like Northern Italy was a pain in the ass…which is what he was! Despite being cute, kind and cultured, Northern Italy had the tendency to be a Ladies' Man, cowardly and totally ethno-centric! Then again, he was no more ethno-centric than Germany and Turkey were, and no more of a Ladies Man than his older brother Southern Italy aka Romano was.

"Ok, ok! Now to continue on with this lecture! In order for any of you to die, you have to either kill yourselves or be killed by another country! Because no mortal, such as Hilary Clinton, Saddam Hussein or Fidel Castro can wound you, it's impossible for them even stone you or torture you! You have a magnetic energy that will protect you from being killed, beheaded or even have any of your limbs hacked off!" Mother Nature said.

She put a video of Afghanistan getting his hand cut off, only to grow another hand where the limb was chopped off. The limb that was chopped off disappeared into thin air.

"Ok this is just getting really weird!" Hungary said.

"How does this make any sense? If we are immortal then how come we're prone to death just like mortals are?" Austria asked.

"Because in case you haven't been paying any attention, you are special!"

"Of course we're special, I knew that all along! I am the most awesome person ever!" Prussia said as everyone else was annoyed by his arrogance.

"You guys were created by me and perhaps whatever gods and goddesses or god you believe in for a special purpose! To bring peace and unity to this world, which means that evolution favors you, evolution has favored all of you to the point where you can live ridiculously long lives, unless you are killed by each other or you just die from broken hearts!" Mother Nature said.

She showed a picture of Ancient Armenia on her death bed with her two twin daughters Western and Eastern Armenia at her side.

"Wait a minute, how was she prone to a broken heart if she's supposed to be immortal?" Western Armenia asked.

"Nobody knows, every once in a while abnormal things happen, like when people are born with webbed hands, born with no eyes or are born only half baked in the oven!" Mother Nature said.

"But you said…"

"I never said that you weren't prone to diseases, since you are all sub-humans or special humans as I call you, you are still prone to diseases such as heart disease, strokes, and heart attacks. Since most of you are running around and are in great shape, you are less prone to any of these diseases!" Mother Nature said.

"So if we take care of ourselves and continue to fight over territory, then we'll less likely to die?" Belarus asked.

"Exactly, at least you are less prone to heart failure and other mortal things that happen when you are in shape!" Mother Nature said.

"What about diseases such as AIDS, Cancer and anything else like the Ebola Virus?" Egypt asked.

"What about Downs-Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy or other genetic stuff that can't be explained?" Estonia asked.

"Simple really, you are all clean of these diseases because you have many powerful white blood cells that fight off evil diseases such as this! As for passing hereditary stuff onto your children, that won't happen either because you're sub-humans and has sub-humans, you don't get cancer, AIDS and Downs-Syndrome. You have too many chromosomes in your cells for anything like that to happen!" Mother Nature said.

Now it is a known fact that many humans have thirty-two chromosomes and that many defects could happen if more than that were added or taken away from the human gene pool. Then there are some cases when all thirty two are added, but some of them added are mutations. Like for instance a squirrel with the Albino thing going, he has the same number of chromosomes but happened to get a mutation as a result of that type of genetic mutation added to his DNA!

"So how did some of us end up with red eyes, blue hair and yellow colored eyes?" Prussia asked.

"Uh duh, mutations, but these mutations are considered normal…so far, because I have yet to accurately count the number of chromosomes on you! Since I took a DNA sample of all of you as you came into the stadium, we don't know how many chromosomes you have because so many of you have a lot more than the other! We just know that the…."

"Oh come on!" someone yelled from the other side of the stadium.

"The only mutations that would occur in your bodies would be if you resulted in blue, green, purple, or…"

"Oh God, this is like a Stephen King or Michael Crouchtan novel!" Turkey said.

"This is like totally cool everyone! Don't you agree Tony?" America asked the little gray alien that happened to be his best friend in the world.

"Yes, it's cool!" Tony said.

"That's Michael Crichton you idiot! God can you learn English already?" Prussia asked.

"Oh please Prussia, like your English is anymore better, especially for someone that doesn't speak it as a first language!" England said.

"Nobody cares what you have to say England, so shut up already!" Prussia said.

"Why you…"

"Oh please Prussia is right... French is the best language in the world! Everyone knows that, which is why I speak it! Anyone who doesn't speak French is too much of a pussy to speak it!" France said sipping some tea and dipping some fried union glazed snails into his sour cream!

"What do you think Seychelles? Do you like the English language better than French or French better than English?" England asked.

"What does this have to do with how long we live for and how we all die?" Estonia asked.

"It doesn't they have gotten completely of the subject!" Ukraine said.

"I came here for a lecture, not a contest!" Germany said pounding his fists onto the table.

"Please say that English is the best!" England said.

"Seychelles please tell me that French is the best language ever!" France yelled.

Seychelles felt horrible, she felt guilty that she "had to", not that she should, choose which language was better. She like everyone else came to figure out how nations were born and died! She did not come here for a contest of whose language was better than whose; she started to blush since she was dragged into the middle of it! Besides she had other things on her mind…more personal things that is!

"Please France and England! Don't get me involved with your conversation; I am just trying to figure out who my real father is, for I was born of a mortal mother, who died several years ago!" Seychelles said.

"Let's get back to the nation subject, how are we able to inner-mix with actual humans and then live longer after one of our mortal parents die?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"That's an easy one, since you are a carrier for a nation gene, I mean all of you, then you are to live longer and spread that nation gene onto your children!" Mother Nature said.

"That doesn't solve the mystery of who my father is!" Seychelles said.

France started to sweat and then said, "I think I might have some idea of who your father was!"

Prussia could not help but start laughing! He and everyone else could not believe how obvious it was who her real father was; it was defiantly someone in this room!

"Which reminds me, nobody here is prone to dead-beat fathers, next lecture in a few stories from now have to do with how your feelings and natures determine how you feel, kill and love and lust!" Mother Nature said.

We will come back to the issue of Seychelles real father later on in this collection of fan fiction, Now….for something completely different! Turn the page!


	13. Chapter 13

_Conflicting Views with Soviet Armenia and Soviet Georgia_

"Ladies and Gentlemen, all fan fiction and fan comics fans out there! Presenting..."Conflicting Views"! With your hosts... Eastern Armenia and Kartvelian Georgia!" The narrator gladly said!

Eastern Armenia and Kartvelian Georgia walked out onto the set and waved to everyone. Kartvelian Georgia flashed her boobs at the audience and there were whistles from all over the place while Soviet Armenia looked at her like she just committed a crime!

The standby sign came on to cover up Georgia's rather saggy tits! Despite being on and off friends, Kartvelian Georgia seemed to be the same person she was for many of thousands of years!

"Georgia, why did you just flash your boobs? That's so sinful!" Eastern Armenia said sitting at the desk on the set.

Georgia smiled and seemed to giggle, "I'm Georgian of course, I'm very flexible and very non-orthodox in my culture, making me very flirtatious and so…."

"Whatever! I'm Eastern Armenia!" Eastern Armenia yelled out.

"I'm Soviet Georgia! Sometimes known as Kartvelian Georgia, not to get mixed up with Georgia in America! I am like the Latino or the Italian of the Soviet Union, except I speak Georgian a very ancient language….." Before Georgia could finish what she was saying, Eastern Armenia interrupted her!

"Let's see what is written on the card here! Oh yes, our first major issue to discuss is Russification!" Eastern Armenia said.

Georgia sat down and yelled out, "Might I start out saying that I would rather be dead than be Russian!"

"Russia is what saved my life from the evil Ottoman Empire, the same one that my fraternal twin sister Western Armenia married and changed her name to Eastern Turkey…" Georgia then interrupted Eastern Armenia

"I thought her new name was Kurdistan, when did she go back to being…."

"Continuing with the issue of Russification, Russia has been there for me thick and thin, and he has protected me from the evil Muslims that live in the Ottoman Empire!" Almast Hayastan said.

"Wait! I have something to say! The Ottoman Empire has collapsed!" Georgia said.

"Yes I know that, his name is now Turkey." Almast said.

"Of course you do, you have two bastard twin children with him, tell me more about how you two ended up f …"

Stand By! Let's now go onto the story of Seychelles' dad!


	14. Chapter 14

_The Story of Seychelles and Her Real Father _

Many years ago maybe in the early to late 1700s, England and France were at each other's throats and hated one another, like they always did! They never got along, they never cared and they just wanted to kill one another, but could not because they were both too smart to really kill one another. One always managed to outfox the other whenever they tried to kill one another!

As you know from a couple of stories back, Seychelles did not want to choose between French and English being the best language, she felt alienated, dragged into this age old conflict and did not want either one inflicting her heart! Her heart asked for one thing, and one thing only, "Where is my father, who is my father and why is he still a deadbeat to this day?"

Anyways the "Golden Age of Piracy" had arrived, France and England were on the high seas and each time they sunk each other's pirate ships, they still managed to get out of the water and survive, although their poor mortal crew members managed to drown whereas, France and England managed to have that extra chromosome that could even wear off an attack from a shark or a tiger! Especially drowning!

Before you read into this story, you will know that there is no Orlando Bloom playing anyone here, "Mr. I play the nice pirate" who goes after the aggressive Kiera Knightly's character for marriage! Let's face it, Johnny Depp was the real star of that movie series along with Austrian actor Geoffrey Rush who played Captain Sparrow's rival/friend Captain Barbossa! Nope, none of those people are in this story!

Anyways going back to the Golden Age of Piracy, there came of a time when France and England landed on what would be known as Seychelles…or at least her island because she was not born yet! They got into a standoff after they both sunk their ships! They managed to swim to land, avoid drowning or being eaten by hammerhead sharks, and killed by the evil Kraken monster, a monster which has never been proven to exist anyways!

"Die you evil fiend!" England said with the loyal Flying Mint Bunny by his side!

"Please, you are preaching to the choir, and you might as well be preaching to the pope!" France said cleansing his sword with a napkin.

"You dare to mock me and my Protestant religion?" England asked getting furious.

"Please after you converted to sorcery, I did not think you were completely Protestant at all!" France said laughing.

"How dare you, you….not English person!" England said going at France…only to miss him by an inch and fall flat into the sand on his face!

"Well, well who's the Catholic now?" France said mocking England, then England did a karate kick that "the Pirate Elf" taught him in a class where he and his imaginary friends took out in the countryside!

France fell down after England's leg went clear against his legs, "Damn it Anglo! I'll kill you!" France said.

"Not if I kill you first!" England said.

Needless to say, that was one of those times where both countries were almost fatally injured and they both were taken into the care of a woman, a beautiful island girl with dark black skin and dark brown eyes! They never knew that black women, let alone island black women could be so beautiful and curvaceous! They were also happy that she was taking care of both of them!

They had not seen a woman or a female country in months, so to be in the company of a female, even a mortal female, was a total compliment! She was so beautiful, she looked like an African queen almost….we'll call her the African Diamond Queen since she might as well of being a diamond!

Since they were both colonizing countries to take slaves back to the "Slave Trade Triangle", they thought "Why the Hell not get well by a hot African diamond looking queen and then bone her after I seduce her?"

Her eyes shined in the light where you could see her dark brown in her eyes, which looked black far away. This made them horny, less lonely and more competitive if anything! Ahhhhh…men are so stupid, especially male countries!

"I'm so happy that you are taking care of me, can you make sure that England is less taken care of and dies before me?" France asked.

"No you shut up France! If I had things my way, Flying Mint Bunny would cut your throat, scalp you and stick your hair onto a nail on a post!" England said sticking his tongue out at France.

"Please, that flying chocolate bunny of yours is nothing more than chocolate!" France said laughing.

"He's mint dummy, mint colored! He's not made of chocolate or candy! He's an entity that comes into the form of a rabbit that flies around and talks to me! He has wings, do wings make good candy?" England asked.

"Calm down both of you! I rescued both of you because I felt badly for the both of you, but now I'm wondering if I should let you both die? Do you both want to die because you hate each other so much, or are you willing to get along and then let bygones be bygones?" The African Diamond asked.

"NO!" They both yelled.

"Fine I'll get someone else to tend to your wounds….on second thought, I will just let you both die for yelling at one another!" the African Diamond Queen Bee said about to go out and collect some crabs to eat later on.

"Wait, maybe if you tend to us in different rooms, we're less likely to fight!" England said.

"That's a very good idea!" France said.

So it was decided, the African Diamond, although she was an actual human and not an actual diamond, tended to both of their wounds. Weeks went by and while the two country's bosses were worried sick about them, they did not care! They wanted to stay by this woman and her people!

Sometimes France would sit with her on the beach and watch the sunset with her, he would teach her how to cook up some good tasting snails and use the elements of the island to make it taste garlicky! Sometimes he would comb her hair for her, put flowers in it and then kiss her in the mouth all night long!

Other times England would share his knowledge of sorcery with her and together with her voodoo powers, conjure up evil spirits and put them into urns so that they could not be let go, until someone was responsible enough to keep an eye on them! OF course this was black magic, since when is trapping a spirit, even an evil one supposed to be nice? Anyways back to the story!

One night around the campfire France and the African Diamond islander were cuddling side by side and England found them there. It surprised him, especially since she forgot that they had to go over some magic spells for trapping more evil spirits and demons.

"Francis what are you doing here?" England asked.

"Oh Arthur, I didn't…" before the African Diamond could finish, France got up and thought about popping England in the mouth!

"France don't pop England in the mouth, please! Get along you two!" the African Diamond said.

"How can we get along when we are fighting over the same women? Hum Madam can you possibly explain this to me, maybe to him?" England asked.

"You know, I never thought of that." the African Diamond said.

Ok, ok I have had enough of this stupid fighting over an island girl, but anyways France managed to scare England off with the smell of his food that he was cooking by the fire with is African Diamond Queen!

"Where is he going?" The African Diamond Queen asked.

"Who cares, let's just hope that he dies out there!" France said.

The next few nights, England had to go back to his boss and tell him that he was only half successful in capturing half of the island, "Why haven't you come back with the other half?" The boss asked.

"You need to have more time do that, besides I never got to bone her!" England said.

"What, bone who?" the boss asked.

"Oh this beautiful island girl that France took as his lover, damn country managed to scare me off with his snails, ewwww…who would eat those poor helpless snails? They are gross enough for insects!" England asked.

"You do know that snails are mollusks and hardly insects right?" the boss asked him.

"That's not the entire point!" England yelled.

Meanwhile on the island, France was having a fun time lying down on the beach with the African Diamond Queen Islander!

"Oh this is so great! Look at the sunset! Don't you just want to go out there and fuck that sun?" France asked.

"Excuse me, how is this relevant to me?" The African Diamond Queen asked.

"It's not, but looking at your beautiful face and body makes me want to…." France started to tongue her before he had the chance to finish!

Let's just say after the two made love, England came back to claim his territory! They then sword fought and managed to take over different parts of the island, but not each other's halves. They both gave up and took some slaves back to Europe with the help of their new love interest being bribed into taking strong men to go and work over into Europe!

Don't look at France and England like they are the bad guys, it was their bosses faults! The bosses were the ones that wanted slaves, but on the lighter note, Russia and the rest of their European treated their blacks better than America's boss did to his….or at least in the south that is!

In fact, it was not until maybe the late 1800s that blacks would be free to be free and walk around Europe and Russia and be able to immigrate into society. Sure this proved to be challenging, but it was a huger challenge in America into well the mid-20th century, which is probably why many blacks moved to Stalinist Russia and France during the Great Depression since none of those countries cared much about color!

Back to France and England leaving the island, they failed to somehow tell the hot Diamond African Queen that they were leaving, but would be keeping influences on the island along with helping the economy out and making it a tourist destination! Before the poor woman had a chance to tell them that she was pregnant!

Fast-forward to years later when she raised her daughter Seychelles alone, and with the help of England and France got rich really quick selling her own island mates to them for the slave trade! On a light note, the African Diamond Queen was not totally deprived or unhappy. She loved her girl and she knew from the very start that she was going to make something of herself….since Seychelles' lifespan was longer than that of her mom's!

Sadly though, like most mortals the African Diamond Queen died after only living for more than seventy years. On her deathbed, she made Seychelles come and talk to her. "Baby, I have a confession to make." she started out saying.

"What is it mother? Surely you don't have to tell me anything since you are dying." Seychelles said.

"It's my time baby, when it's your time, your time will come, but I know who your father is." The African Diamond Queen said.

"Who mom? Who is it?" Seychelles asked.

"Baby, your father was a gorgeous, French speaking man who swept me off my feet, although I never got the guts to tell him that I was carrying you from him!" The African Diamond Queen said.

"What? Why not?" Seychelles asked.

"Because his lifestyle was totally unlike mine, I'm into voodoo and he's into Catholicism with a perversion twist to it." The African Diamond Queen said sighing deeply.

"That's great that my dad is a pervert but that still doesn't explain who he is!" Seychelles said.

"He's a great country and you have inherited his immortality, this means that you can't be killed unless another country takes you out, or unless you don't keep yourself in shape," Seychelles said.

"Who is he mom?" Seychelles asked.

Then the Great African Diamond Queen passed away the second she asked that! So in other words, Seychelles never found who her real dad was in that moment of time; it was not the most important question she would have to ask in her entire life.

More important questions arise like why she had not aged into her forties or her fifties, which was how old she was probably around when her mom died! She looked very young for an old country of about two hundred years old! The time finally came in the 21st century, a century that would be full of more bloodshed probably before the century before it, but I have yet to count the total body count from the 21st century!

She saw a notice wash up on shore in a bottle and she banged it open, stuck her hand into the bottle to retrieve the letter, which said, "Dear whoever gets this! Pass this onto a country! If you can't do that then tell them to come to a huge auditorium that will be built, in the almost same fashions as the original building, except this will include not just countries, but regions, cities and towns!"

Since the note failed to say where this place would be, she had to ask her way around, she went to China's house and asked him, "I got a bottle too, but I still don't know where this location is located!" China said.

She asked Turkey, "Nope, no idea." Turkey said shrugging his shoulders.

She asked America even, he seemed to have somewhat of an idea…until he opened his mouth again, "I am told by England and France that we will be somewhere over in Europe, like high in the Appellation Mountains, but I don't know where that is, which is why I'm going to go with England as soon as he picks me up!"

Seychelles then rolled her eyes and returned home until she was called upon from America, as it turned out America allowed her to come with him, England and France. Even though America's friendliness seemed to be well friendly, France could not help but wonder if America had anything other than just friendliness going on with Seychelles!

At the meeting where Mother Nature was lecturing to the countries about where they came from, how they were born, how they mated with one another, and how they died, she got most of the answers she needed even though most of them had to be repeated in her head until she got the full meaning.

Of course now we go back to the moment when France hesitates to tell Seychelles who her dad really is! He continued to say, "I know who your father is!" France said.

"You do?" Seychelles said.

When France thought about telling her and confessing to her who her real dad was, he stopped and just said, "He's a really handsome fellow who loves to look at beautiful things and he sees that he really did a good job procreating you!" France said.

"Oh darn it, that doesn't explain who he is!" Seychelles said.

"Don't worry he's closer by than you think!" France said.

"Oh Christ Sakes! Your dad is.." Before Prussia could confess, Germany stepped on his foot.

"Ouch Germany I hate you! You never let me have any fun!" Prussia said pouting.

"Can we just continue with the lectures already?" China asked.

"Yah I'm tired of this stupid side story!" Japan said.

Yes this might have seemed like a huge waste of time, not having a great plot, but it was so worth it! Weren't you curious about where Seychelles came from?

Now let's see what Persia and Afghanistan are up to! I heard they are supposed to meet up in secret someplace to get away from their hellish lives at home!


	15. Chapter 15

_Persia and Afghanistan Reunite for a Day_

Believe it or not despite the fact that their territories were separated from one another and that their bosses were mentally ill and pure evil, Persia and Afghanistan missed one another's friendship that they shared many ancient years ago.

Somehow or another, they both had to bribe Pakistan, a rather interesting fellow who split off from India and went his separate ways, and he also had to deal with some rather shady bosses as well. They met at a café, Persia wearing a burka and Afghanistan dressed as a commoner so that nobody would know it was him.

Great disguises if you ask me… anyways they were drinking hot coffee and smiling at one another, no they were not thinking about getting married or having hot sex with one another, they just were glad to see each other. They had been through so much over the last years they could not imagine how to tell one another their struggles and triumphs.

"Sooo, you're actually enemies with Israel now?" Afghanistan asked.

"Yes, but I don't want to be, my bosses are so mentally ill that you would never imagine what they are capable of!" Persia said.

"Capable of what?" Afghanistan asked.

"It's harem to talk about it in this place, I say we just talk about wonderful times and close call times we shared together as friends and allies." Persia said.

Harem is an Arabic word for forbidden, and it's also a type of place that is own by a man of high power and uses it as a sex slave building. However, in this case it's used as a way to describe what is appropriate and inappropriate and forbidden in public and not forbidden in public. It can also be used as a way to describe courtesy and such. It can also be used as a way for Quran and pretend Quran followers to tell one another the difference between right and wrong.

Since I hope you get the narrator's point, that's me, back to the story! Afghanistan then said, "Remember the one time when I thought that Scythia was going to rape me because she's so much taller than me?"

"Afghanistan, its harem to talk about sex in public, especially rape of all places!" Persia said.

"Sorry I just thought I would bring it up!" Afghanistan said.

Persia rolled her eyes and asked for another cup of coffee, she had at least twelve cups! Twelve cups! Does this mean anything to anyone?

Later on they went to their hotel room, in a run-down hotel that was used to hide weapons and all that. They shared the same room and claimed that one was married to the other so they could get a sweet deal on the honeymoon suite, which was as much of a paradise as living in a run-down motel room in America!

"Oh Afghanistan now you can tell me what you have suffered from in the last few decades!" Persia said.

"Let's see here, Russia and his minions tried to take me over, tried to take my people over, and tried to take our economy over! Then this crazy group called the Taliban was the only brave enough people to fight Russia and his friends off! Then they started giving out all these unfair rules and then they started stoning women when it was completely illegal to begin with!" Afghanistan said.

"Where does America come into all this?" Persia asked.

"I don't know, but he's never helped one bit! He hasn't helped now and never back then! He did not know that the Taliban was evil and ruthless, I tried to get him to take me home with him, but he just left me to these evil terds!" Afghanistan said.

"You think you are the only country America let down? America wouldn't take me into his country even when the Shah and his family were taken in! He left me with these radicals who call themselves Muslims; in real life though they are mentally unstable people that say they want to destroy Israel, when to begin with supported Israel under the Shah!" Persia said.

"So the strategy changed the moment the Shah was kicked out?" Afghanistan said.

"Yes and they told me that I had to be enslaved to their man-dominance because I was so sinful looking, they also said I wasn't allowed to own dogs and they said I wasn't allowed to eat grapes!" Persia said crying.

"I love dogs; I don't know why we aren't allowed to have them either!" Afghanistan said.

"Oh yes I had to have my ovaries removed, if you must know why!" Persia said.

Of course we probably got the message as much as Afghanistan, but just in case you did not get the message the reason being is that Persia was raped so much that she kept getting pregnant and she did not have the right to get an abortion under her crazy bosses!

"So why did you do that?" Afghanistan asked.

"Easy one, I kept getting pregnant by those stupid maniacs and I had to keep going into Turkish territory just to get these unwanted children out of me!" Persia said.

Ok now to the flashback she was in the hospital where Turkey was in front of her with a female doctor at his side, "I have some bad news Persia, you can't keep coming here to get abortions," Turkey said.

"Why not?" Persia said.

"Because for one thing it costs much money, although still not as much as rising a child, but anyways you spent your life savings that the Shah left you on these abortions! Another reason being that we have been discovered by the Iranian Government, and we're going to be sued Turkish Government because my boss is an Islamist nutcase, not as evil as the three Pashas towards the end of the Ottoman Empire, but still pretty bad!" Turkey said.

Then the flashback continued when she went to China to get the abortion! China stood with a female doctor by his side and the Communist Gov behind him looking at him ominously! We don't know where his dragon boss went; some say that Chairman Mao killed him! Others say he ran away, whatever happened to China's boss, he went into hiding!

"So you want an abortion?" China asked scratching his head.

"Yes I do! I have to have one! I don't want a child!" Persia said.

"But I can't just abort a baby without the government's permission!" China said.

"That's what I came for, Turkey said he would have done it, but his boss is now passing anti-abortion laws!" Persia said.

"Ok, ok….first of all I need to know how many months along you are!" China said getting a sheet of paper out and a pen.

"I am two weeks actually." Persia said.

"Ok is it a boy or a girl?" China asked.

"I'm two weeks, I would not know that!" Persia said.

"Look Persia, you have to say if it's a boy or a girl, because if you don't they won't consider or look into it!" China said.

"But I am not a native here, who cares what it is; I just want it out of me!" Persia said.

"It's not my fault that my government is so cheap! Stupid Chairman Mao did not even let me own any animals! He said that Pandas, Leopards and Tigers were an enemy of the people! Stupid ass Chairman fat-butt, I hate his guts!" China said pouting.

Then China had a flashback of his own, when the Cultural Revolution took place in the 1960s and he was up for elimination by Mao himself! China represented the old ways, the ways that needed to be destroyed! A group of Red Guard teens around ages of fourteen to nineteen chased him down the street and ambushed him in an ally way!

One of them grabbed him, "Let's hang China by the pig tale on his head!" the boy of seventeen yelled out.

"No you can't kill me! I am China after all!" China said as he was being led into a darker part of the ally!

So they tried to noose him, and that did not kill him or even break his neck! "What is going on?" A Red Guard teenage girl asked.

"I told you I'm immortal! You just can't kill me!" China said.

All the sudden one of the Communist guards threw a ping pong ball at him! That made China stop thinking about the past, "Ouch!" China said.

He looked behind him and saw the two Communist Guards looking at him evilly, "I mean Mao is the greatest person in the world!" China said reluctantly.

"Like you mean it!" The Communist Guards yelled.

"Look there is a gender discrimination rule that states that your pregnancy has to be at least in the third trimester and it has to be a girl to be aborted! We could kill it afterwards, after you give birth if it's a girl, but even so there is no way you will be able…Just say it's a girl and I will tell them to abort it for you!" China said.

"It's a girl!" Persia said rolling her eyes!

China then got the doctors to surgically remove the fetus which they threw away in a trashcan! "Now may I suggest that if you don't have any thoughts of having children, that you get your ovaries removed too?" China asked.

"I never thought of that, I should have done that in the first place!" Persia yelled out.

So they decided to remove her ovaries too, she had surgery right after she had an abortion and what do you know…it was a success! She did not have to worry about being raped and impregnated anymore!

"Thank you China, I don't know how I will ever repay you!" Persia said sitting down in a wheelchair!

"Don't thank me, just buy some of these beanie babies that I hand sewed with Panda!" China said holding up some cute, but cheaper than dirt looking versions of those stupid beanie babies that were the hype of the mid to late 1990s!

"Uhhh, I have to think about it!" Persia said.

Back to the present in that honeymooner's room, Afghanistan's mouth was opened wide, so wide that he was speechless and could not talk! He had never heard such talk from Persia's mouth. Sure she could be a down-right-bitch, but this almost took it to a new level! She talked about getting abortions naturally, like she did not care at all!

Although she had been through so much, being abused physically, stoned and never being able to die by the hands of mortals, she had been beaten up and raped many times, and I guess that is why she decided to get her ovaries removed so she did not have to bring a child into the world and be shunned for it being a child from a rape.

Nobody said that talking about abortions made her any more attractive, they did not! "What? That's how it really happened!" Persia said.

"Well I was raped many times by the Taliban, but I was never impregnated!" Afghanistan said.

"How could they do that to you? Where are they, I'll give them a piece of my mind!" Persia yelled out.

"It's ok Persia, I will be all right! I don't like that America is trying to be the hero I will tell you that, but at least I'm glad that not everyone likes those losers that hurt women and children!" Afghanistan said.

Sure while this story was so offensive on so many levels, at least Persia and Afghanistan went back to their countries on good terms!

Now it's time for something else since this has gotten as awkward as it could…just kidding this next segment can get worse!


	16. Chapter 16

_Conflicting Views with Soviet Armenia and Soviet Georgia Segment 2_

"Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting another segment of "Conflicting Views", with your hosts, Eastern Armenia and Kartvelian Georgia!" The narrator gladly said!

"Welcome to conflicting views, as you might have known our segment for Russification got canceled on short notice because someone had too many…" Eastern Armenia tried to start out saying, and then stupid Georgia interrupted her!

"Too many love letters! I can't believe that I'm getting love letters even from Lithuania, Poland, USA, and Turkey heck no! More love letters from Syria, no way! Saudi Arabia wants my lamb recipe for the Ramadan season…." Georgia said getting through a huge bag of letters from the many countries that wanted to date her, have sex with her, maybe even marry her and influence her too!

"Ok….next segment is going to be the issue of Turkification!" Eastern Armenia yelled.

"I'm sorry what is that?" Georgia asking reading a letter to herself!

"Are you a Gemini because sometimes you seem to be really fierce looking have a fierce energy to you, and now you are expressing a really goofy energy which… "Eastern Armenia started asking out of frustration with Georgia.

"No I don't think so, are you?" Georgia asked.

The Zodiac signs were hardly the point to this stupid segment, but Eastern Armenia continued, "As for if I want to be a Turk, heck no! I love being Christian I am the first Christian country in the world, I would never stoop to such a low!"

"Neither would I! I am proud to be a Georgian and the second country in the world to adopt Christianity!" Georgia said.

"Impressive! Why would Turkey and Russia want to influence a bunch of loser countries like us anyways?" Eastern Armenia asked.

Georgia went as far as to jump onto the desk and stick her hand up into the air with her index finger into the air, ""My women in my territory are some of the most beautiful women in the world and Turkey and Russia are just jealous that….." Georgia started out saying.

"Please sit down you are embarrassing me! Is it no wonder why you hop around and be allies with whomever you want?" Eastern Armenia said disappointed with her on and off friend.

"Don't be silly, us Christians have to stick together!" Georgia said hoping off and getting back behind the desk. She then pulled out a bottle of wine and started drinking it.

Couple of hours later as the questions gotten more and more convoluted for Georgia to answer she just nodded her head and sometimes looked down giggling. Then of all people….er countries, Azerbaijan showed up! In this own mother's studio, yes the same mother that had issues with him!

"Kartvelian Georgia, there you are, I wanted to deliver these flowers to you personally!" Azerbaijan said.

"Oh hello Azerbaijan, what are you doing here? I'm doing a TV segment with your….motttheheer." Georgia said slurring her word.

"Mom! Your daughter is really getting on my nerves!" Azerbaijan yelled as he looked at Armenia with hatred in his eyes.

"You mean your fraternal twin sister Nagorno-Karabakh?" Armenia asked.

"Whatever her name is, I disowned her and she disowned me and I'm going to go and live with my dad Turkey and Northern Cyrus! Good day!" Azerbaijan yelled spitting onto the floor and left.

"What an idiot! He hit on me the other day and told me to kill you, but I told him….." Before the tipsy Georgia could finish she fell out of her chair and onto the ground.

Yep Georgia had fallen asleep, perhaps herding the sheep became too much of a night job for her? "Just leave me alone to die from embarrassment!" Eastern Armenia said putting down the cards.

Ok let's go back to another story in fact let's see what Italy is up to! Probably bugging Germany about his ancestor being killed by Germany's grand dad?


	17. Chapter 17

_Italy and Germany Friends or Foes_

Northern Italy wondered, he wondered if Germany was planning on killing him or not. After all, Germany's grandfather killed his grandfather, or at least that's how the story goes! Romano told Feliciano that Germany's grandfather killed their grandfather, ever since Feliciano found out he had been more and more paranoid of Germany.

Despite the fact that deep down inside, Germany was a kind country and cared deeply for Italy, he did have an intimidating energy about him, but compared to his older brother Prussia, he was way more docile and patient! Germany was Italy's true friend along with Japan, Japan would not have done any harm to Italy and Feliciano trusted him completely!

So one day when Feliciano was over at Germany's house, he was waiting for him to get back from his walk! Japan was visiting America and Romano was in the field picking tomatoes for the Tomato festival! Poor Feliciano was bored and he knew that Germany would be annoyed with him since he came uninvited into his house!

Although sometimes this would happen, he would usually think of it as a surprise that he came to see Germany, but this time he was not so merry, in fact he was more paranoid than anything! So why did he go and see Germany then? Who knows?

Feliciano knocked on the door, and Prussia answered it, "Feliciano what are you doing here?" Prussia asked.

"Has Germany returned from his walk yet?" Italy asked.

"How did you know that Germany went on a walk?" Prussia asked lifting an eyebrow.

"Because I saw him walking out of the house this morning with his German Shepard, and I wanted to go and say hi to him but I just was not in the mood. I wanted to wait until…"

"Come in and sit down, don't be silly to wait outside!" Prussia said grabbing Feliciano and taking him into the house.

Prussia made North Italy a cup of tea, and put much of those German sweets onto the table, "So tell me, how come you waited all this time just to come up to the door and knock on it?" Prussia asked.

Feliciano sighed, "I did not want to make Germany mad, I did not know if he would be mad at me or not! Yesterday I was out flirting with some girls and me asked Hungary if…"

Prussia's eyes grew wide, he hesitated and then decided to ask, "How is he…I mean she doing these days? Is she still married to that musical nutcase Austria?" Prussia asked.

"I always thought that she and Prussia completed one another! He's nice and she's nice, and she's a bit of a tomboy, but she is so amazing and motherly to me to this day!" Feliciano said.

"So uh…is she seeing anyone?" Prussia asked.

"No she's single, I visit her every once in a while, besides Germany, Austria, France and you even! Which reminds me, how long have you been living here for?" Italy asked.

"I have lived here since my empire crumbled, but oh how awesome I was; in fact…I'm still pretty awesome!" Prussia said.

"So why don't you ask her out?" Italy said.

"Wait? Ask who out?" Prussia asked getting flustered.

"Hungary, she tells me that sometimes you come up to the house to visit her, even when you don't want to knock onto the door, and she says that you think she doesn't notice you sneaking around the house and…"

"Wait, she knows? She knows I come and visit and stock her constantly?" Prussia asked.

"Of course she knows I have seen you sneaking around the house too! Why don't you just go up to say hi to her, no?" Italy asked.

"Uh….well it's complicated!" Prussia said wanting to change the subject.

"I have the idea! How about we go and talk to Hungary together!" Italy said excitedly.

"No! No! You don't understand!" Prussia tried to say.

"Come on now! Let's go!" Italy said grabbing Prussia by the hand and taking him out of the house.

"What about Germany, aren't you here waiting for him?" Prussia asked.

"That can wait, I am still not sure if he wants to kill me since your grandfather killed mine!" Italy said as if he totally forgot that Prussia was Germany's older brother!

Later on when Germany returned from his walk, he noticed two things wrong, one thing Italy was not there to bother him, the other being that Prussia was not there either! So he decided to phone Austria up immediately since Austria was the only one other than Italy that Prussia came into more contact with.

Austria was sleeping in late, he had wrote a piano piece for "Memory of Mozart" charity concert, in memory of that talented yet highly misunderstood child prodigy Amadeus Mozart. He also stood by a portrait of Mozart that was given as a gift to the Empress Maria Teresa, and when she died, her son gave Austria the portrait.

Austria spent all night crying looking at that portrait of Mozart because he had writers block, for the Mozart charity concert! He cried out, "I'm sorry Mozart! I have writer's block!"

Anyways back to the present, Austria was asleep and then the telephone rang, it was Germany on the other line, "Hello Austria speaking, are you with the Memory of Mozart charity concert?" Austria asked.

"No this is Germany! I am looking for Prussia is he around your house?"

"He hasn't bothered me for months and I haven't seen him this morning either. I have been asleep for…"

"Have you seen Italy?" Germany asked.

"Why do you care? Italy bothers you I thought," Austria said.

"Never mind I will try somewhere else!" Germany said furiously hanging the phone up.

Meanwhile at Hungary's house she was making a cake for Poland's birthday! She even managed to make Poland's pony little cakes because that country liked that stupid horse too much! That did not seem to bother Hungary, as long as Poland was still a Catholic, then that's really all that mattered to her. It's not like she would just bake a cake for Germany or Russia any day!

The doorbell rang, "Oh that must be Poland coming by the pick the cake up!" Hungary said running to the door.

Outside the door Italy was standing by there with Prussia, "I am nervous Italy, what will I say to her?" Prussia asked.

"Just say hi, that's all!" Italy said.

Hungary opened the door and the moment that happened Prussia went running straight to the back of the house!

"Italy what are you doing here? Are you here for cookies?" Hungary asked.

"No, no I am here to talk to you Hungary! How have you been I haven't seen you since…"

"Yesterday, and was there someone else with you?" Hungary asked.

"Of course there was, Prussia wanted to say hi to you!" Italy said.

"Tell Prussia that if he dares to come back to my property I will get Austria and France and we're going to noose him! I am busy goodbye Italy!" Hungary said slamming the door in Italy's face.

Italy walked back behind the house where Prussia was hiding, "So what did she say?"

"She did not have very many kind words for you! She said she wanted to get Austria and France to noose you if you ever came back to her property!" Italy said.

"Can we just go home and forget this ever happened?" Prussia asked.

"No we have to get you a girlfriend somehow! I just don't think that Hungary is the right girl for you, she smells old anyways!" Italy said laughing.

"What do you have in mind?" Prussia asked.

Meanwhile later on Germany called Hungary up, "Hello?" Hungary asked answering the phone.

"Yes is Italy over there with you?" Germany asked.

"Yes he was and so what Prussia!" Hungary said.

"I apologize but…Prussia was with Italy?" Germany asked panicked.

"Yes he was, but I'm assuming that Prussia either ran away before he had a chance to say hi to me or he was hiding behind my house! Either way, I don't want him on my property!" Hungary said.

"He has never attempted to hang out with Prussia ever! This is new behavior, do you think that maybe Prussia got smart and decided to use Italy against me?" Germany asked.

"I don't know, but Prussia better not corrupt that poor boy!" Hungary said hanging up.

"Damn you Prussia, if you steal my fri…emey I will hurt you so badly that you will regret it!" Germany said.

Later on Prussia found a medium pizza in front of him and Italy at a restaurant! Prussia looked at the pizza, some reason he had never heard of pizza or seen pizza, being completely happy being a German and not some other ethnic group! He took a piece and stuck it into his mouth.

"This isn't bad, what do you call this?" Prussia asked.

"This is pizza the best creation in the history of mankind!" Italy said.

Prussia then saw a bunch of cute girls sitting at a table a few yards from him and Italy, Italy spotted them too, "Allow me to demonstrate how to talk to women!" Italy said running over to the girls.

"Hello ladies! I got a nice sports car I wonder if you would like to go for a ride in it sometime with me." Italy asked looking cheeky and innocent.

"Awwww you are so cute! What is your name?" One of them asked.

"My name is Feliciano, but I am a country which means I will never grow old and die or be killed by a mortal!" Feliciano said looking sweet and kind.

"You are so cute! I would take you home with me to meet my parents if I had the chance!" another of the girls said.

"Let's go then!" Italy said.

"No I mean I would but they are out of town!" the girl replied.

"Ok well I got to be going, some other time then?" Italy said looking cute.

"Awwwww, you're so adorable!" the girls all said together.

Italy then walked back to the table where Prussia was sitting, "How did you do that?" Prussia asked.

"It's easy, I just love people, and people love me!" Italy said.

Prussia rolled his eyes; to him Italy was an annoying little dork that bugged his younger brother constantly to the point where Germany would tell him stories about how Italy would bug him on a day when he had to work. Italy was a young soul and anything but an old soul like Austria and a medium-aged to old soul like Hungary.

So how would young to medium souls like Prussia and medium to old souls like Germany be able to handle a soul as young as Italy then? That's still up for debate because Italy was just too child-like and flirtatious for his own good!

Meanwhile Germany was running all over the place looking for Italy! This leads me to a bunch of unanswered questions so far! Will Germany find Italy and Prussia? Will Prussia be able to bust a move before he is caught red handed hanging out with Italy?

All this will be answered…in our next story! Turn the page!


	18. Chapter 18

_Germany's Search _

In the last story, Germany was looking for his little friend Italy since he did not show up on his doorstep, invite himself in and of course come to talk to him as usual. Prussia also went missing and Germany found out that Prussia was hanging out with Italy from Hungary since they went to her house to talk to her.

Anyways, now Prussia and Italy are at a pizza place where they are talking to girls, at least Italy talked to a few of them, but Prussia was clueless, he did not know where to begin. "Italy I am not so smooth with the ladies, although it's too bad because I'm so awesome!" Prussia said.

"But Prussia, you are awesome just like your brother, how could you not be smooth with the ladies? You are good looking, so arrogant and so red-eyed that the women would want to talk to you!" Italy said.

"It's not that I have never been with a girl, I have many times, but to be honest with you I am horrible at keeping a girlfriend! Usually it's them that come up to me to talk with me and maybe get past third base, but I have never attempted to walk up to a girl to talk to her!" Prussia said.

"What? I thought you and Hu…"

"Oh about Hungary, funny story, I did not know she was a girl. She did not know she was a girl, she assumed that she would turn into a man over time, but that did not happen. She was the only girl I have ever walked up to, to talk with. I always used to pick on her because she was considerably weaker than me!" Prussia said.

Feliciano said, "What? You picked on Hungary? How could you? She's so nice to me! Hungary and Mr. Austria have always been…"

"Yes and Austria and her being married kind of made me despise the both of them all the more! Anyways back to the issue with girls, I have never walked up to a girl, nor have I bothered to use a girl as booty in battle ever! That's usually what my solders did and I just stood and watched from a distance." Prussia said.

"But I don't get it, how could you not be able to walk up to the girl since you are so awesome Mr. Prussia?" Feliciano asked.

"I don't know I just don't know how to get girls into bed with me or date them, without them getting me into bed with them! I'm more interested in military issues and power than women!" Prussia said.

"Oh so you're gay?" Feliciano asked.

"No, just hesitant to have sex and go out on dates. I haven't the time," Prussia said.

"Well you are no longer an empire, so why not start today?" Italy asked.

"Fine what do you want me to do?" Prussia asked.

Feliciano then looked at the table of women that he talked to earlier, "Go over there and talk to those girls!" he said.

"No, they won't like me! I mean, of course I will! I'm awesome, how can I not?" Prussia said getting up quickly and walking over to the table.

"Greetings wenches! My name is Prussia and I am so awesome! You won't regret having sex with me or having my children! How would you like to…"

"Ewww! You are way too cocky to even approach or talk to!" one of the girls said.

"Yah just get out of here, we don't want any man trying to hook up with us for sex!" another of the girls said.

"But, but Italy came over here and said…"

"Yes Italy is cute and he's kind. You are too cocky to talk to!" Another of the girls said turning her face to another friend of hers.

Prussia walked back over to North Italy who was drinking out of a straw of a strawberry milkshake, "How did it go Prussia?" Italy asked.

"They said that I was too cocky to talk to." Prussia said sitting down.

"Oh dear, you must have said something stupid for them to say that! If you carry yourself in a cocky way, chances are they won't want to talk to you!" Italy said.

"But I don't get, I'm so awesome, good looking and now I'm speechless!" Prussia said.

"Perhaps you need some coaching, let's take you to an old friend of mine, he might be able to help out!" Italy said.

Meanwhile Germany searched all night long for Italy and Prussia, but they did not return home and they did not even call him on his walky talky! What was going on? Where were they this late at night? He went home and there Japan was! Of course Japan came over when he was invited over, unlike that loveable loser Italy!

"Japan, hello how did the trip go?" Germany asked.

"America is still America and I don't think he will ever change." Japan said.

"Oh well it's not the biggest lost, which reminds me Italy has run off with Prussia!" Germany said going over to the table and sitting down at it.

"So what?" Japan asked.

"So he doesn't know my brother like I do! My brother is the most arrogant more corrupt individual that I have ever met, other than Russia and even China!" Germany said.

"That doesn't mean anything." Japan said.

"What do you mean that doesn't mean a thing? Prussia could use Italy for his own evil purposes! Maybe if Prussia is ruthless enough, he will kill North Italy if he's evil enough!" Germany said.

"Relax, I guarantee you, Prussia won't be able to use Italy for his own evil purposes, if we can't use him for anything, what makes you think that Italy will be useful to Prussia?" Japan asked.

"Oh yah, I did not think about that," Germany said.

"Trust me nobody can use Italy for any evil purposes!" Japan said winking.

Meanwhile Italy decided to take Prussia to Turkey, Turkey had all sorts of evil ideas up his sleeves, although he hesitated to talk about them with anyone, but he was amazed when Italy came over to visit him uninvited!

"Wow Italy I have no idea that you wanted to visit me or even talk to me." Turkey said sitting down and smoking a hookah.

"Yes well I have a favor to ask you, we want to know how you get a girl to like you enough to sleep with you in bed!" Italy said.

"I thought you were the master of seduction, how come you could not teach Prussia yourself?" Turkey asked blowing smoke out of the hookah.

"Prussia is too cocky to get a date because he has to tell everyone that he's so awesome. Me I just act cute and I never end up sleeping with girls, in fact I don't even get to third base!" Italy said.

Turkey coughed on his smoke when he heard that, he was so caught off guard that he didn't think to breathe normally! "I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask!" Turkey said still coughing up smoke.

"But Turkey, Prussia needs to get with Hungary or any other woman!" Italy asked.

"You mean to tell me you have never gotten a woman into bed with you?" Prussia asked lifting an eyebrow.

"Of course not, I love to flirt and go on dates more than have sex!" Italy said smiling.

"Wait, wait, wait! Hungary is too wild of a nomad to even want to do it with a power hungry fallen empire like Prussia! She is like that of a wild horse, born to mortal parents, she had to outlive her parents which many of us do, and of course with an arrogant idiot like Prussia. Sorry Prussia, but you are nothing like your brother, so submissive, so bystander!" Turkey said blowing smoke out of the hookah.

"You mean to tell me that Hungary was born to mortal parents and not to any countries like us?" Prussia asked.

"Of course she was, that's why it took her so long to hit puberty and by the time her parents died she did not yet hit puberty! She was still a little girl and she was raised by her tribesmen and she ended up outliving even them!" Turkey said.

"How did you know about this Turkey?" Italy asked.

"Because my friend Mongolia and I used to pick fights with her, we also used to bully her together!" Turkey said.

"You bastard, how could you do that to poor Hungary?" Italy said.

"Let's get going Italy I think we are wasting time here!" Prussia said grabbing Italy and taking out of Turkey's house!

"Come back anytime! I will serve you the best Turkish delight and Baklava ever!" Turkey said.

Later on Prussia and Italy were at the park at night, looking up at the stars and siting on a bench, Prussia was so disappointed in Italy. He thought he had something going for him, he thought he was a player, but in the end, Italy proven once again that he was a sweet, loveable loser! In truth, it was not a bad thing that Italy would not dare go past third base maybe sleeping with a stranger was too much for him?

Prussia sighed, "Thank you Italy I appreciate all you have done to help me, but you are so worthless!"

"Sorry if I haven't pleased you, you won't kill me will you? You know, like your grandfather did to my grandfather?" Italy asked.

So Italy had not forgotten that Prussia and Germany were brothers after all, but if he was so afraid to talk to Germany since Germany was related to the empire that killed his grandfather, then why did he bother talking to Prussia then?

"No, if I did that then Germany would probably have my head on a stake. He is so protective of you, even though you get on his nerves." Prussia said.

"Really? Germany would do that for me? How sweet!" Italy said smiling stupidly.

"Yes it makes me want to vomit myself!" Prussia said smiling.

Prussia decided to take Italy back to his house to say goodbye to Germany since he knew that Germany would be at home. They got home and Germany was in the kitchen looking furious at Italy and Prussia, but Italy was so happy to see Germany!

"Italy! You have a lot of expl…"

"Germany! I'm so so happy that you won't kill me like your grandfather did to mine!" Italy said running up to Germany and hugging him tightly.

Japan and Prussia both rolled their eyes! "What makes you think I would do that?" Germany asked.

"I was not sure, but Romano told me that your grandfather killed my grandfather and that you would probably do the same to me!" Italy said.

"That's so stupid! You are a part of the Axis Powers and we have been friends long after the Second World War silly! If we're still friends, then maybe it makes the point that my grandfather was a different person from me?" Germany said.

"Really? That's wonderful Germany!" Italy said.

"I'm going to bed!" Prussia said walking out of the room.

In the end, Italy now trusted Germany with his heart, Prussia did not get the girl because now he hated her more than ever, and even if he did want to make more of an effort to get her, he would probably have to start being nice to her! He did not want to be nice at all!

Let's see what kind of trouble Turkey and Mongolia made in their childhood to adulthood!


	19. Chapter 19

_Here Comes Mongolia_

Many years ago, there was a little nomad probably born to mortal nomads like Hungary was, his name was Mongolia! He came from the exact same tribe as Genghis Khan, in fact he knew Genghis Khan since he was a child! He also taught him martial arts, how to steal from the marketplace and how to slaughter a woman on the battle field, although that's hardly the point of the story!

Mongolia lived in the mountains close to China, with the other Mongolian tribe members, some Turkish tribe members and of course, some other nomad tribes! Many of them warred with one another, and Mongolia did take pride in war because let's face facts the kid was deprived since he was an infant.

He did not have a normal crib like many people did, he usually was carried on his mother's back in a backpack like thing made of elk fur until he was well past two, and he had to kill for his food most of the time! It's like war was the only thing he was good at, since he would not and could not read worth shit!

One day he decided to ask his mortal mom for advice, "Mama, I want to know why I can't read well like China can!"

"What? I thought we made it clear that reading was bad for you and the warrior life was better!" his mom said.

"I hate reading, but lately I'm beginning to think that China thinks he's better than me because he knows how to read and does amazing architecture jobs!" Mongolia said.

"Oh Mongolia sit down on my lap!" his mom said sitting down.

Mongolia jumped onto his mother's lap after all she was the only person he had close to him. His dad was always away on warring with other tribes, although he died the year before this one and she never told him the truth because he was close to his dad as well.

"Oh Mongolia, you are very lucky to have a great tribesman look after you. You are a warrior, never ever forget that! Someday you will be lucky enough to rule this tribe if you are lucky enough. Who knows, maybe if you don't rule a tribe, you will be able to serve a great king that does!" His mom said.

"Maybe mama, but right now I just need to go get some firewood because I was told that it was supposed to snow!" Mongolia said jumping off his mom's lap and then walking out of the tent.

"Mongolia be back before sundown ok?" His mom said.

Mongolia went to pick some firewood from the forest, which was about an hour away from his tribal lands and he did not care, as far as he was concerned, he owned this land! He was a nomad and nobody would tell him otherwise! Except this one little fellow, who was almost as young as Mongolia was!

Who was this little fellow you ask? His named was Turkey, or he would become the Ottoman Empire in future references! He too was born to a couple of mortal parents, so you are probably wondering how in the world countries could be born to mortal people? Easy, it's called gene skipping a few generations!

More will be explained in the next conference featuring Mother Nature giving a lecture!

Back to the story, hours before Mongolia went into Turkic tribe territory he came back from hunting with his father. They killed some goats and some elk and now had a week's worth of meat! The mom was standing there with his little brother and sister, "Turkey why are you so late coming back from hunting with your father?" the mom asked.

"It wasn't my fault, dad kind of fell into a ditch and I had to get help, but I wasn't sure if the help I was getting was Mongol or Turkic related tribesmen! I had to get a stick to pull him out, but he's fine and alive!" Turkey said.

His father came into the tent that they lived under, he was a gruff, and rough looking man with thick black hair and green eyes! Whereas the mom was gentle looking, oriental looking and had dark eyes and red auburn shaded hair!

"Come here babe give me a kiss on the lips!" The husband said grabbing Turkey's mom by the butt, lifting her up and kissing her messily on the lips.

"Ew…" Turkey thought.

He wondered if when his dad was in moods like this that it led to more procreation of his brothers and sisters and trust me he had plenty of them like over twelve or thirteen, but lost count since many of them did not survive the harsh winter or infancy! The point being that he had many brothers and sisters who would also become territories and countries of their own someday!

Turkey then was sent to guard the outside of his nomadic village, which had no posts or gates to protect from invading Mongol tribes! The Mongols and the Turkic tribes were at each other's throats since it was a kill or be killed world, they would later put this aspect onto the Western and the Eastern World as time went on.

Turkey watched and watched and he saw that nobody was coming; he continued to look all around and could not find anyone in site. He was thinking about calling it a day, but then he thought about his dad's sloppy kisses that he gave to his mother! Gross, he did not want to go home to see that happening!

Then he spotted an elk with a boy on the back of it! It was Mongolia, and he had some firewood on the elk's back, maybe Turkey could steal that firewood for extra firewood so that he would not have to go into the woods the next time with his dad, get lost and once again fall into ditches and maybe traps.

Mongolia needed to go to the bathroom, since Central Asia at the time did not have any outhouses or working toilets back then, taking a wiz and even going number two was more common…pretty much anywhere! It was harsh, but it was a harsh reality! Mongolia jumped off the elk and went over to a tree, pulled down his pants and started going number one.

While Mongolia answered to nature's call, Turkey snuck over to the elk and tried to get as much firewood as he possibly could without Mongolia noticing. Mongolia's hawk that always hanged out with him on his shoulder saw Turkey and squawked! Mongolia immediately pulled his pants up, got his slingshot out. He aimed by the Elk and hit Turkey square in the butt!

"Ouch you son of a bitch! That hurt!" Turkey yelled.

"Who are you thief?" Mongolia said aiming his swing-shot at Turkey as he stood in front of him, while Turkey lay on the ground rubbing his sore butt!

"My name is Turkey, I am a member of the Turkic tribe, and my mom says that a high priest told her that the spirits told him that I would become a great empire someday!" Turkey said.

"What? No way! That's what the spiritualists told my mom!" Mongolia said.

"I have an idea; maybe we can both be empires! What is your name?" Turkey asked.

"Mongolia! I have an idea, when we are old enough I say we take over the world!" Mongolia said.

"I have a better idea; let's take over the world now!" Turkey said.

So the two wiper-snappers decided to take over the world when the time came. When Mongolia grew older and Turkey grew older, they decided to take over the world in separate directions! Mongolia decided to train this young ward named Temujin who would become to the world as the cat and dog hating Genghis Khan!

They even made up their own theme song, which goes something like this!

_We conquer the world we hit it with a shoe!_

_We make towers out of skulls while making beef stu! _

_Just because we can't read or write!_

_That really doesn't mean that we can't put up a fight! _

As the inappropriate theme song played, Turkey conquered the western part of the world all the way to the gates of Vienna, where Austria who was young at the time had to defend himself! Turkey grew into a mighty empire called "The Ottoman Empire" which was the name he bestowed upon himself and his bosses agreed with!

He even killed Byzantine when he was just little, many years passed and he was all grown up and he wondered how his friend Mongolia was doing in conquering the eastern part of the world! Mongolia teamed up with many other Mongol tribes and even borrowed some of Turkey's siblings to install their own governments into Russia!

At the time Russia was just a little Slavic nation with his older sister Ukraine and his younger sister Belarus. Their mother died at the time and they were to rule the Russian empire, however before that ever happened, Mongolia took over half of them and then Turkey took the other half! Now-a-days Mongol and Turkic tribes still live there and have never left! It became known as the Tatar Yoke!

Mongolia also managed to conquer China, put China in a cage for a long time, until the Mongols were all driven away…according to Chairman Mao's Little Red Book! Then there were times when Mongolia had to watch many ethnic groups vanish from the face of the earth since his student Genghis Khan wiped them out!

When Genghis Khan died, Mongolia made sure that the Mongol tribes held some influence over the tribes of Central Asia and former empires! Although many of his tribesmen he noticed were converting more to Islam everyday leaving their own spiritual beliefs behind.

Then an evil bastard named Tamerlane who walked with a limp, was supposedly related to Genghis Khan and was a Muslim Mongol tribesman ended up fighting with the Ottoman Empire and that is how everything fell apart for Mongolia and Turkey!

They both thought they would grow up being friends, but instead their thirst for power and their bloodthirsty bosses ruined it for them! On that battlefield in the battle between Tamerlane and some Sultan that no typical American could identify in a history book!

"Mongolia I thought we were friends! I trusted you! I trusted you and your stupid leader Tamerlane wants to take my land from me! The land I helped conquered!" Turkey said sword-fighting with Mongolia.

"Don't look at me, you convert to Islam, that stupid religion that is like Christianity except more boys are circumcised, pig is forbidden to eat, and drinking alcohol is forbidden! How could you not drink any beer after a hard day at work? How could you convert to such a horrible religion?" Mongolia asked when Turkey knocked him down.

Turkey raised his sword up like he was going to slash Mongolia in the skull, "Because unlike multi animal gods, Islam offers me a chance at redeeming myself on earth! I have a chance to enter heaven even after I kill people! It gives me a chance to spare females, simply because…they are females!" Turkey almost slashed Mongolia's skull.

Mongolia karate kicked Turkey in the legs and Turkey fell to the group on top of Mongolia. "Get off of me idiot!" Mongolia said kicking Turkey off of him.

"You won't go to heaven killing unarmed women and children!" Mongolia said getting up.

Turkey jumped up and held his sword, "It is God's will!" Turkey said trying to slash Mongolia again.

"God does not tell people to kill unarmed women and children! God doesn't tell women to get abortions or keep a baby! God does not allow genocide to happen!" Mongolia said getting a bow and arrow and aiming it at Turkey's head.

"Oh please, like your people didn't commit genocide? Tamerlane has many skull towers from Indian and Christian skulls! You don't see me doing that now do you?" Turkey said getting out of the way when Mongolia shot his arrow at him.

Which reminds us, the word genocide was only inserted since it did not exist until after the Jewish Holocaust happened. It was a word made up by a Jewish lawyer named Raphael Lemkin who described what happened to the Jews in WW2, the Christians under the Ottoman Empire in WW1 and even the Assyrians in many pogrom attacks at genocide!

It is still debated whether or not political groups or working groups of people such as kulaks, peasants and intellectuals fall into that category too, but we're talking about the classic definition! Sorry for any inconvenience!

Back to the story, they were still fighting on the battlefield and the horn sounded, and that meant that he Mongols won control over the Ottoman Empire! Ottoman Empire was taken as prisoner, tortured mercilessly under Tamerlane and then Mongolia released him as this last token of friendship and never saw him again…for now!

Sure they remember the time before the battle took place when Mongolia was in a field of daisies taking a break from helping take over the world. Turkey found him and they were happy to see each other, "Turkey!" Mongolia yelled running towards him.

"Mongolia!" Turkey said running towards Mongolia.

They embraced like old friends would, and then Mongolia got back to reality and regretted thinking about this memory. It made him look homosexual, which was not really the bad part, the real bad part being that it made him look like he was friends with Turkey.

These two would have very different paths in life, they would not be one in the same, Mongolia and his people would be under Soviet, Chinese and finally Mongolian control with his people still homeless and living in tents.

Turkey would become an ultra nationalist country to the point where he was almost considered fascist!

Now for the last segment of Georgia and Armenian's "Conflicting Views"!


	20. Chapter 20

_Conflicting Views with Soviet Armenia and Soviet Georgia Segment 3_

"Welcome back, our Turkification discussion was canceled due to my stupid son Azerbaijan disowning his twin sister in front of his very mother…me!" Eastern Armenia said.

"Don't feel badly, if it makes you feel better I never wanted to pursue him in bed!" Georgia said smiling.

Eastern Armenia rolled her eyes at least she was getting paid to do this stupid segment, other than that Georgia was just so completely useless as an ally!

"What are you talking about now? Don't you trade with him?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"Of course I do, our pipelines match perfectly!" Georgia said taking out a pipeline in which she cut.

The Caspian Pipeline is a line that goes from Azerbaijan into Georgia, it is connected to an oil system in which oil is pumped out of the sea so that oil can be shipped to Turkey and anywhere else that is needed. The Caucasian Mountains were full of oil that is why this pipeline was placed into Georgia and Azerbaijan in the first place!

Eastern Armenia decided to continue on, "Our next segment is…."

Before Eastern Armenia could say so, Western Armenia her twin sister showed up out of nowhere! What was she doing here? They were in a middle of a segment! She also carried the skull of the Caspian Tiger that their mom used to own before she passed to the great beyond. The tiger died of old age and Western Armenia dug him up, skinned him and used his fur for a carpet in her living room.

Western Armenia looked at the skull of her mom's Caspian Tiger and she said, "Eastern Armenia, I am still crying so much because you slept with my ex-husband Turkey, and you had sex with him and bore him twins!"

"Why yes, twin DNA runs in our veins, we are fraternal twins and I ended up getting a boy and a girl twin because of our….." Before Eastern Armenia could finish, Western Armenia interrupted.

"I don't care how it happened! I'm lost, I have lost my identity, and I don't know if I'm Eastern Turkey or Kurdistan anymore! Why couldn't I just have kept my name Western Armenia? Why did I have to change it to Eastern Turkey and then got kicked to the curve because I wouldn't accept the name…" Western Armenia yelled out.

It's true; Western Armenia did not want to live among those Kurds… those Kurds that helped Ottoman Empire's bosses try to wipe her people off the map! Most of her people either escaped to other parts of the world, or they were forced assimilated like her, or they escaped to Eastern Armenia's territory with an even crappier faith awaiting them!

Georgia defiantly noticed something different with Western Armenia, when Western Armenia was younger she used to wear Armenian clothing and sometimes more modest looking clothing, but now she looked like she was someone else, someone else that was nothing like the person that Georgia met when she was a child!

Manushag used to preach about being Armenian and about being a Christian, now it was no more! She had changed, she had changed from that happy little girl who loved her mother more than anyone in the world, to someone that was insane and had a lost identity, just like Israel or Tibet!

Georgia interrupted Western Armenia's gloomy speech, "Excuse me, but didn't you used to wear Armenian clothing? Now I can see your cleavage its soo…."

"What difference does it make, I hate you Kartvelian Georgia! I hate you too Eastern Armenia! I hate Turkey, Azerbaijan and oh h-, I hate Nagorno- Karabakh too! I hate my niece and nephew almost as much as my ex-husband! I hate you more than Turkey too Georgia, Christian countries are supposed to stick together! You only care about money and you don't care about your religious or Christian values!" Western Armenia yelled, despite the fact that she was forced to convert to Islam a few decades back.

Eastern Armenia could do nothing but stare at this once happy girl, to a depressed and lost nation! Almast and Tamara felt badly for her, really they did, they did not know what to do for her! Eastern Armenia had financial issues and was sued many times by her twin's dad each time she yelled anything anti-Turkish about him. She was broke and she was even on welfare too!

Georgia was already trying to get allies against Russia, but it was hard to do this segment, it took months before she even considered signing onto this segment with her ex-best friend Eastern Armenia. She wanted to be friends with Turkey and Azerbaijan since they had some similar aspirations and they could probably protect her from that creepy Russia and his creepy sister Belarus!

Now they had this broken nation in front of them yelling at them, they were in a tough enough position as it was! "I hate all of you! Now Syria wants to kick my butt, I had nowhere else to go!" Western Armenia said.

As it turns out, some of the time, Western Armenia took holidays to Syria so that she could secretly attend church since it was illegal in Turkey to do it above ground, then after the war broke out she had to come back to her now Kurdish-ran territory, which would be considered battle grounds between Turkey's people and the Kurds!

What Western Armenia did not intend to happen was that she would have to go and live with her sister for a while, until the Kurds and Turks stopped fighting with one another in her territory! In fact she moved in not too long ago and she was even given a job by Eastern Armenia herself! "What happened to that job that I got you not too long ago?" Eastern Armenia asked.

"I quit, I can't stand hay, I'm allergic to it and I am not Russified enough to work in the fields. I am rich, I had a lot of money, but Turkey stole all of it from me in our divorce settlement and now I have nothing to go home to but a bunch of destroyed churches and…."

So the bickering went on and on to the point where this sign had to come up in the segment!

Stand by!

We apologize for any inconvenience! This next segment will continue…as soon as we bring you some more stories!


	21. Chapter 21

_France Hooks Marie Antoinette Up with Louis the 16__th_

In the year 1770, Marie Antoinette the daughter of Maria Teresa the empress of Austria, married Louis the Sixteenth! However the story of it is quite more complicated than people can imagine, especially since France and Austria had a love hate relationship…literally!

To make peace with France and join in an alliance with them after the Seven Year War, Maria Teresa decided to marry her daughter Marie off to Louis Auguste, he would become the most hated sovereign of France and she would become the most hated German-speaking person in France ever to hit the spot!

In fact when she arrived she was a thirteen-year old girl who was too sociable to even consider talking to that awkward person called Louis the Sixteenth! She was literally disappointed and she was even given a lecture by France about how procreation happens.

So they were in a room together and apparently Marie was never lectured about how babies were formed or how they were birthed out, she knew they were carried for nine months, but even so she had no desire to be a mother….she was only thirteen for crying out loud! All she could think about was boys! She paid little to no attention to France's lecture since she could not get her eyes off of how cute he was!

"Marie! Pay attention to this diagram that I am presenting to you!" France said pointing his stick to a drawing he drew personally of a penis going into a vagina.

"Uhhhh, sorry how do you stay that in German I am still a little bit un-fresh on my French!" Marie said, since apparently even if you would not have noticed France was speaking French to her!

"Damn it Marie, I did not want to be here lecturing you about how to fuck! Maybe I should take my clothing off and just show you ok?" France said taking his clothing off.

Yes you would probably be thinking that he would grab Marie and start having sex with her, but that's not what happened! To be honest, he got one of the French maids to have sex with him in front of Marie. Marie was forced to watch some action, although this was so stupid, she seemed to enjoy herself.

Next time she was put into a room with the pudgy and shy clock making Dauphine, she smiled and put her hand on his leg, "You know Louis, you do have pretty blue eyes, they are so blue!" she said smiling seductively even though she was no more sexually attractive to him than she was to France.

He smiled at her, she was pretty, but she was overly too willing to please him and he sensed her fakeness right off the bat, "So do you like to make clocks too? I love to make clocks I could make you one if you want to! They have many clock makers in Austria do they not?" the Dauphine asked.

Marie rolled her eyes; this is not what she had in mind. As much as she loved clocks from her home in Austria, she most certainly was more interested in producing an heir for the throne so she could get off easy in this rather German hating country.

"How about we get to the issue of making an heir to the throne of France, how about that!" Marie said.

"Ok how do we make an heir to the throne?" Louis asked.

"Like this…" Marie said trying to unfashion her corset, when she was able to take all of her clothes off Louis ran out of the room screaming like a girl down the hall!

Next day France was in trouble with his boss… the Dauphine! A fucken kid who was like fifteen years old and had the hormones of a shy young reluctant boy!

"France I am disappointed in you! How could you do that to Marie? Encourage her to act like a slut?" Louis asked.

"Don't look at me, I was just trying to help, she isn't sexually attracted to you!" France yelled out.

"Well then, I'm not attracted to her either! She's stupid and selfish and all she wants is to have babies before she has a chance to get to know me!" Louis said.

"But that was the point to marrying you two together; we need heirs to the throne when you die!" France said.

"What if I don't want kids? I'm only fifteen for Christ sakes! Last thing I need is some stupid shallow girl trying to have sex with me, when she isn't attracted to me sexually!" Louis said.

"Give it time, you will grow handsome…I guess!" France said.

Then Louis walked to the window and looked out of it, "France, I didn't choose to be born into a royal family just like you did not choose to be born a country! Hopefully we have an understanding here!" Louis said.

"Not really, I don't enjoy making clocks like you do! I would rather fuck, pervert and even teach how to have sex to underprivileged peasants." France said.

"Also sexual attraction is nothing like physical attraction; it just means you will have sex with a certain person no matter how ugly they are! I am not sexually attracted to Marie either!" Louis said.

"But she's be…"

"Yes I understand she is good looking and a young woman, but her sexual energy is too much for me to bare right now! I want to spend some time getting to know her rather than just jump into this sex stuff!" Louis said.

"Fine you leave me no choice!" France yelled.

France wrote a letter to Austria, _"Dear Austria, I am trying to get Marie and Louis to have sex, but they won't touch one another! Marie thinks Louis is too ugly and sexually unattractive to sleep with, while Louis thinks Marie is too unworthy to have sex with! This is too much a disaster; you need to come here to have a man-to-man talk with Louis!"_ France wrote.

So Austria decided to pay France a visit and try to get those stupid kids into bed together! The heir to the throne was the most important thing to everyone and not those kids' happiness! Besides France and Austria would be in huge trouble with their bosses if they did not do something!

"There they are!" France said pointing to the royals pouting and daring not to look at one another, even though they were forced to sit next to one another.

Austria walked over to the couple, "So how are we going to do this?" Austria asked.

"Don't look at me; I don't want to have sex with her!" Louis said.

"Louis the world doesn't work that way! You have to have sex with her to produce an heir! There is no other way! If she can't produce an heir with you, then she has to be put into the nunnery for the rest of her life! Do you want that to happen?" Austria asked.

"I don't care if she has to be a nun for the rest of her life! Just give us a few years ok?" Louis said.

"Sire, you don't understand the importance of producing an heir, it's like voting, it's a necessity!" Austria said.

"But I want to marry France! I want a divorce Austria! If I can't marry France, then at least send me back to Austria! I hate this country! It's so drippy, nobody shaves and everyone smells funny!" Marie said pouting.

"Ok France we'll give them ten or twelve years, let's tell our bosses!" France said.

Well seven to eight years later, they still did not manage to produce an heir! They refused to talk to one another still, they preferred their circle of friends in which they could talk to and have much more in common with! Louis in his worthless clock shop with his shop friends, and Marie with her party hard friends!

By then Louis had grown into a decent looking man, and Marie, she was still good looking! She loved fancy stuff and jewelry and this pissed the French people off! This even pissed France off since those stupid kids refused to still sleep with one another! He was in a tough enough position as was Austria!

The bosses were giving France and Austria a hard time about these two stupid kids still not wanting to get into bed with one another! They were unhappily married and could be no different from one another!

They will tell you that Marie's older brother was sent to France to talk with Louis about the "birds and the bees" and that finally got the two stubborn kids into bed with one another! However, the truth was very different from that! After the talk Louis said that he wanted to sleep with Marie, but Marie still did not want to sleep with Louis since she was too hurt that he would not sleep with her all those years ago!

So France took Marie into a room, by then Marie had gotten over France since she found out how much of a pervert France had the tendency to be! "I still refuse to sleep with him!" Marie said.

"Why? You wanted to try to sleep with him the last ten years ago!" France said.

"I have gotten to know him over the years and he still likes to sit in that stupid clock shop and make clocks, its eight years in counting France!" Marie said crossing her arms.

"I have an idea! Since Louis likes clocks so much, maybe we can make a sex game up in which you are dressed up as a clock!" France said.

"What? That might be the best idea you have ever had since having sex with that French maid in front of me all those years ago!" Marie said.

Later that evening Louis was still in his god damned clock shop when France came into the room, "Oh Dauphine, someone wants to meet you!" France said gingerly.

"I'm busy making clocks ok?" Louis said trying to put a birdie into a clock.

"She really wants to meet you!" France said.

Marie came into the room dressed as a clock, "Look at me Louis, will you do that for once in your life?" Marie asked.

Louis looked at her, she was a beauty! At least the costume was, she was not shaped like a clock, but she managed to wear that costume like a pro! "Hello baby! Where did you come from?" Louis asked.

"It's me Louis Marie, I am just dressed up in this stupid costume because France told me that you are into clocks, which is nothing new to me!" Marie said shrugging her solders.

On that night they bedded each other for the very first time, and an heir was conceived, nine months later Marie gave birth to an heir, after many hours of complicated birth! She was happy that the baby was healthy, but she was mad at France and Louis for that matter!

She complained to France after her near-death birth, "Damn it France! I can't believe it hurt so much, I almost died! I had a hemorrhage and…"

"You have an heir it's the most important thing right now! Don't make me write to your mom about this!" France said.

"I have a daughter, yes Louis loves her, but he wants a son! I did not manage to produce a son and..."

Oh she went on for hours about "woe is me" this and "woe is me" that! France had to leave the room to let her vent! By then Marie's mom died, she went to wherever she went to in the afterlife knowing that she was a grandma, for the uncountable time since she had many grandchildren and the narrator lost count!

Anyways that time since Marie managed to yell all her afterbirth rage out on France, he did not care if she died. However, after the overthrow of the king and queen he did all he could to save them!

He wrote Austria the following letter, _"Dear Austria, Marie and Louis are going to die if you don't do something! Those sadistic assholes tried to guillotine me, but the damn blade managed to break as it reached my neck! Do they realize that once these rulers are gone that a dictatorship could form in its place?" _

Austria wrote back with this, _"Dear France, I asked King Leopold and even wrote to Catherine the Great of Russia to help save the two, but as far as the king is concerned, that's not a possibility! I assume he doesn't care if his sister dies, and even if he did he would not save her and risk the lives of his many army men!" _

So nobody came to save the two rulers, France tried to, but he was almost guillotined again! His strong neck was getting sore from the blade that broke as it hit his neck. France even got an infection and the Dauphine of France finally wrote this letter to France!

"_Dear France, I thank you for getting Marie to have sex with me, it must have not been an easy job, as I leave this world I want to leave all my clocks to you! As for trying to save us, I could not thank you more, at least you care if we die or not! There are many people out here that don't seem to care that we're humans just like the rest of humanity! _

_However, your neck is more important than your success in trying to save us. I don't want you to die of an infection and if that were to happen then our country would fall to foreigners! Take care of yourself after Marie and I are long gone! You have many more years left on you than your realize! Thank you for hooking us up and trying to get Austria to save us too! _

_Yours always, Louis the Sixteenth!" _

France wept like a baby when he read this letter, from this formerly immature and uncooperative kid, who was now a father and husband that slightly matured over time, but still had the tendency to make clocks!

"Oh you love me after all!" France said as he was being bandaged up around his neck.

For many years France put up paintings of Louis and Marie, his dear friends that used to bitch at him for trying to get them to bed one another, for not helping them produce a male heir and for finally telling him, "Thank You, you mean a lot to us than we give you credit for!"

Once again we must state that unless you have been living under a rock and refused to read this fan fiction of Hetalia thoroughly and carefully we're going to have to explain to you that France and other countries like him are immortal and impervious to fatal wounds made by mortals onto them. Don't ask why this is, it's a fan fiction; it's a fantasy, just go along with it!

This leads us to our next story in which sadly history repeated itself, except it was very different!


	22. Chapter 22

_The Courting of Alix of Germany_

As with France and Austria history repeated itself which it always seems to do when nobody pays attention! This time however, this took place years after Marie and Louis, the rulers of France were executed and France managed to break the guillotine blade each time the angry mob tried to cut his head off!

Anyways his infections got better and now he did not have much to worry about, besides that evil lawyer Maximilien de Robespierre and Napoleon Bonaparte. Let us now go to Russia, where he was in charge of making sure that Alexander the Third's empire was as peaceful as it was corrupt!

"Time to pull some more pogroms on the Jews and the Armenians I say!" Alexander the Third said.

"Yes sir, I will get all the people ready to do that!" Russia said.

However, the story was not really about Alexander the Third, it was about the Romanovs and the Russian Revolution and what led up to it! Though many aspects of it were left out in world history books, Russia's story is one of great success and all the tragedy he and his sisters had to endure to get to that success!

Even though Russia kind of felt sorry for the Jews and everyone else that was not a Russian, he had to at least pretend to be anti-Semitic to keep the Slavic in his empire alive! Anyways this ruler that Russia worked for had a son, his name was Nicholas Romanov.

Nicholas was born into a royal family that hated Jews, hated homosexuals and anything that pretty much did not spark "the Russian character", whatever the hell that was! However, he was more like his mom, his gentle mom from Denmark! His temperament was very different from that of his father's and although Nicholas was intelligent and spoke many languages, he had the tendency to be a little slower and gentler than his father!

One day Nicholas was in a room with Russia and his dad the Czar of Russia…Alexander the Third, Alexander was lecturing Nicholas on how to be a ruler someday. Russia took notes for Nicholas since Nicholas was expected to listen to Alexander and not write out stuff, he might lose concentration!

"Son someday when you are a Czar you are going to have to kill those non-believer Jews and Muslims! They don't belong here! We are a Christian country who expects to be so! We want the peasants to remain stupid so they will do as we say, so they will make sure that we come first and they come last! Those Circassians were hard enough to kill off without them running into Ottoman Empire territory!" Alexander the Third said.

"Father I have a question, stop writing Russia! Rest your hands they must be so tired from writing," Nicolas said.

"Thank you Nicholas," Russia said gently smiling.

"Father why do I have to kill Jews and Muslims for, isn't killing against the Bible?" Nicholas asked.

"Of course it is, but we can pretend like it isn't so that people who can't read don't know the difference!" Alexander the third said.

"But father, why must the Jews and Muslims be killed? Do they not share the same God as us?" Nicolas asked.

"Yes they do, but they're non-believers, the Jews killed Jesus and the Muslims put infidels into harems for sex!" Alexander said.

"Yes but father…"

"I thought you hated Jews!" Alexander said.

"I do father, I do, but…"

"I swear Russia my son is going to grow up into a pansy!" Alexander said shaking his head with disappointment.

"Don't worry Czar Alexander the Third! I will make sure that never happens! I will make him the toughest Czar anyone has ever seen!" Russia said.

After Nicholas was old enough to find a wife of his own, he could not muster up the courage to call on Queen Victoria's German grand-daughter Alix! So he went to Russia to ask for love advice!

"Oh Russia she is so beautiful and I want to marry her!" Nicholas said.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you would…"

"Yes I'm sure! She is the one! She is the one I have been looking for my whole entire life! Go talk to her for me so that I can see if she feels the same way!" Nicolas said.

Russia did not like this idea at all, sure he thought it was sweet the Nicholas found love, but with a very sad girl like Alix? She was so standoffish even to the Russians, who usually did not smile at strangers anyways. There was just something about her that seemed really standoffish, after all Russia did not need to know if someone was friendly because of a smile on their face!

He walked up to her reluctantly and asked in Russian, "Hello Alix, there is this guy that wants to talk to you, and he asked me too…"

"Could you please speak German or English? I am terrible at Russian, I think it's an ill-competent language and I would never use it ever!" Alix said in her German sounding accent, although her English was too excellent to say that for sure her accent was thick.

Poor Russia felt really insulted, he loved his language almost as much as his territory, but he resorted to English just to get the point across, "Alix someone wants to talk to you! Let me bring him over to you!" Russia said, taking her by the hand and leading her over to Nicholas.

"Alix this is Nicholas, Nicholas this is Alix of Germany!" Russia said.

"We already know one another I wanted you to ask her the question…" Nicholas asked Russia in Russian.

"Ok yes, Alix will you marry Nicholas and convert to Russian Orthodoxy?" Russia asked her.

"What? No!" She ran off to the balcony and cried her eyes out.

"Nice going Russia, now she's upset with me!" Nicholas said running off and crying hard.

A few days later, there was an engagement party held in Alexandria and Nicholas's honor and Germany came with the Kaiser Wilhelm II, England came with Queen Victoria! They were in British territory now! Alexandria came from Germany with her cousin the Kaiser, Germany and her sister Elisabeth! Russia came with Nicholas to England's house!

Damn that sister Elisabeth had a killer face and body on her and she was more than the Kaiser could ask for! In fact the truth is more complicated than it looks, there were a bunch of courting issues among these cousins and the poor countries Russia, Germany and England were forced to watch from the side and give input to everyone that was courting someone!

At the engagement party England sat by himself sipping tea with his imaginary friend Flying Mint Bunny, "This is a great party isn't it England?" the rabbit asked.

"Sure it is, but I don't get why this is an engagement party when Nicholas isn't officially engaged to Princess Alix!" England asked.

"It's a fan fiction silly! Of course it doesn't make sense!" Flying Mint Bunny said eating some marshmallows that he "borrowed" from Captain Hook.

Captain Hook then came into the room, "Where are my marshmallows?" he asked holding his hook up into the air.

"Uh oh, see you later England!" Flying Mint Bunny said flying away.

Meanwhile Germany was having no better of a time, he had to listen to the loud mouthed Kaiser Wilhelm as he was drinking some beer. Germany's older brother Prussia could be a loudmouth, but Kaiser Wilhelm the Second was so much more of a loudmouth that Germany came to the conclusion that he preferred Prussia's company!

"I think I'm going to ask for Princess Elisabeth's hand in marriage!" The Kaiser boasted.

Germany rolled his eyes, "But Kaiser, you already asked her like twelve times already and she turned you down so many times before, don't you think you better stop this nonsense before you get your heart broken again?" Germany asked.

"Nonsense, well here she comes into the room with her ostrich feathered dress on, I'll go ask her out loud!" the Kaiser said rather cocky!

The loud mouthed Kaiser walked over to Elisabeth who was getting some punch and he said "Hello Elisabeth, what a beautiful evening this is!" he said loudly enough so the room could hear him.

"It's rather is," Elisabeth said thinking, "Oh God, here we go again!"

Then came the moment of the proposal, Kaiser took the woman's hand and said, "Cousin, will you marry me?" he said this loudly so the whole entire ballroom could hear him.

"What is the matter with you? I told you time and again no!" She then threw punch in his face and left the room to go outside.

Everyone was laughing at the Kaiser being rejected even Germany could not help but laugh, "I told you that you were going to get your heart broken again!" Germany said.

"Someday, I will become strong and you won't do a damn thing about it!" Kaiser said.

While Queen Victoria was trying to cheer Alix up and tell her that the Orthodox religion was almost the same as being a protestant, the Kaiser was sitting on the balcony with Russia and Nicholas Romanov by his side. Germany did not want to go outside with them, because he thought things would be more awkward than they should have been.

"Oh Russia, I can't believe she let me down again! I will never ever ask her for her hand in marriage ever again!" Kaiser said.

"Good, she thinks you're a big dummy anyways." Russia said.

"What do I do about Alix? Does she not love me?" Nicholas asked.

"You will never know for sure unless you go and ask her yourself." Russia said.

Nicky decided to go and ask Alix how she felt about him and if their engagement should be annulled or still on. He walked up to her and Victoria, "Victoria, can I talk to Alix alone?" Nicky asked.

"Of course you may, oh I always believed in true love, but then my husband passed away!" Victoria ran into the ballroom.

"Alix do you not love me?" Nicky asked.

"Of course I do! I think you are the one just like you think I'm the one, but converting to a different religion is a huge deal for me! I grew up a German with English speaking nannies and…."

"But we'll raise the children to speak English, German and French. Of course they will have to speak Russian since they live in Russia!" Nicky said.

"How do you know that we'll have kids, I might be infertile and would never know it even if we…" Alix said.

"Here let me show you something that Russia helped me draw out! He says that he went to a soothsayer and said that the soothsayer told him that positive thinking and drawing your life out will get you further in life than you think!" Nicky said holding the rather interesting looking diagram about their future together.

Alix rolled her eyes, "Oh Nicky this is too funny!" she said laughing her butt off!

It was so stupid, although this was the age of mysticism throughout Russia and the Victorian times. Most importantly though was that she smiled, because it rarely happened, especially after her mother died when she was a young girl.

Meanwhile in another place in the ballroom Victoria was eating big amounts of chocolate although her doctor said that she was too pudgy to continue to do so. She did not care, as long as it got her closer to her "beloved" Albert than that was really all that mattered to her.

England happened to be sitting down next to her, no this is not what we would call the rejection table at the engagement party, but it might as well have been. Now if only the Kaiser could join them? Ok, maybe not!

"Queen Victoria, what are you doing? Didn't your doctor instruct you not to eat sweets? He said you might have to get a limb amputated if…"

"I don't care, as long as it gets me closer to Albert!" Victoria said eating more sweets.

This was hard on England, despite the fact that he liked his co-boss Victoria, the other one being the English prime minster; he had to spend many miserable years seeing all his bosses die, fall to other empires or almost have to convert to Catholicism! This topped all of those things! The poor lady was depressed and he had to cheer her up!

Flying mint bunny was being chased by Captain Hook, "Help England! Captain Hook is after me!"

"Give me my god damned marshmallows back you green rabbit! You hell on wings! You…ahhh!" Captain Hook said chasing after him.

"Captain Hook, Flying Mint Bunny, you stop this instant!" England yelled out.

"So I see that Captain Hook is giving Flying Mint Bunny a hard time again?" Victoria asked playing along with England.

"Of course he's not! Flying Mint Bunny stole Captain's Hooks yearly supply of marshmallows that he usually cooks with his fellow pirates!" England said.

The Kaiser looked over at England and Victoria talking and walked over to Victoria and started to ask in French, "What is the matter with…"

"Just play along Kaiser, he doesn't know better! Just pretend like he has these friends, you won't convince him that they aren't real!" Victoria said smiling and speaking French back to Kaiser since England could not speak nor understand French!

Anyways this story will be continued….right after the last segment of "Conflicting Views with Eastern Armenia and Georgia!"


	23. Chapter 23

_Conflicting Views with Soviet Armenia and Soviet Georgia Segment 4_

Thinking back to the last segment about Eastern Armenia and Georgia being interrupted by Eastern Armenia's twin sister Western Armenia, Georgia said, "Wow…that sucked the energy right out of me!"

"What can I say? She is an ungrateful bitchy energy vampire! Anyways this segment is very controversial; yes I'm talking about homosexuality!" Eastern Armenia said smiling uncomfortably.

"I thought that Russia and Germany did a segment about this!" Georgia said.

Eastern Armenia rolled her eyes, "Yes it was canceled due to the interference of the Vatican! So the Eastern Orthodox Church of Greece picked it up and made me bring it up, despite the fact that…"

"But that makes no sense at all, Germany is protestant and Russia is orthodox like us!" Georgia said.

Eastern Armenia then said, "Don't look too much into it; we're only here to state our opinions, that's it nothing more or less! My opinion is that it's wrong for two women to be together and for two men to be together, the bible says its wrong and I will stick with it because I love my religion more than homosexuals!"

Georgia said, "You are such a jerk Eastern Armenia, where exactly does it say it's wrong? On what page?"

The bible says on homosexuality; on page…..Stand by!

Eastern Armenia, "Sorry about that, the Vatican is upset about this! Where is the Greek church when you need it?"

"This proves my point exactly! What I can't seem to understand is why after you got your own territory back from Russia that you don't express Westernize values like I do!" Georgia said.

"Oh please, just because you have some Western Values doesn't mean you have all Western Values! I'm the oldest Christian nation in the world; of course I might seem backwards! I love Jesus and I love Virgin Mary, and I love….

"Yah I doubt that she was a virgin when she had Jesus!" Georgia said giggling.

Eastern Armenia frowned at Georgia, Eastern Armenia was new to this homosexual concept, culturally it was unacceptable in Armenian territory after it became the first Christian country, as long as you had religion backing you up, then you would pretty much use it to your advance…duh that's the way it's always been!

"Anyways, what really seems to bother me about this issue is that not only is Homosexuality wrong and a sin against mankind, but for some reason the Catholic priests never seem to get into trouble." Eastern Armenia said.

"Well yah, they aren't allowed to have sex with the nuns or anyone else!" Georgia said.

Eastern Armenia almost had it up to here with Georgia's naivety! "No you idiot! I'm talking about them raping young ch…..

"Hey you! Yes you the pretty one, the one with the big nose! Oh crap… the one with the lighter brown skin tone!" Belarus said.

It was Belarus, Russia's younger sister who was annoying to both Eastern Armenia and to Georgia! She hated Georgia with a passion, but did not mind Armenia since Armenia was more on her page culturally and maybe even morally than say…Georgia!

"Why that's me, what can I do for you Belarus?" Georgia asked sarcastically.

"Stay away from my brother, or else I will put an ice pick in your brain!" Belarus stated a rather "clever" yet grim reference to when Stalin sent an assassin to Mexico and the assassin ended up killing Trotsky with an ice pick in his brain! Oh murder, what a joke! Let's just get back to the two fighting before something else weird happens!

"Oh I'm so scared bring it on bitch!" Georgia yelled.

"Back to the subject of homosexuality!" Eastern Armenia yelled to avoid the conflict from escalating.

"How about the subject of... I'm going to kill the both of you if you don't stay away from my brother!" Belarus yelled.

Belarus then took an ice pick, she was not kidding after all! She then ice picked the table and it frightened Eastern Armenia who ran over to the other side of the room, while Georgia stood near Belarus.

"Belarus that is enough!" Armenia yelled! She knew if Belarus killed either her or Georgia that they would die! They would never come back and it would possibly kill all of their peoples off too, ok there was no guarantee of that, but close enough!

"This is what I call the Stalin ambush!" Georgia said trying to stay out of Belarus' way!

"Please Georgia! Can't we leave Stalin out of this for once?" Eastern Armenia said covering her eyes up.

"Fine, this is what I call the perestroika from Belarus!" Georgia said doing a back high summersault over Belarus!

Stand by!

As it turned out, during the standby, Georgia jumped Belarus! She then threw the ice pick to the other side of the room, in which Eastern Armenia picked up to hold so that Belarus could not get it back!

"Get off of me you black bitch!" Belarus yelled.

"That's right! My skin is so nice and swarthy even though I am not from Africa, that you envy me! You envy me! You envy me so much that you want to be me! Let's face it Belarus, Russia will never be attracted to you, sexually or emotionally! I'm sexier than you are and I'm much smarter and stranger than you are!" Georgia then farted on Belarus' head.

"You're a psycho is what you are!" Belarus said.

"Oh sure, I'm not the one that chases people around the room each time we are close to your brother now am I?" Georgia asked smiling.

"This is the fiftieth time this week that Belarus has tried to kill us, and the fiftieth time this week that Georgia has mounted her and kicked her butt instead." Eastern Armenia said to the camera.

Eastern Armenia then said, "I suppose the moral of the story is not to try to mess with anyone from the Caucasian Mountains, you might not live to tell about it?"

Thus ended the segment known as _Conflicting Views with Eastern Armenia and Georgia! _

Now let's get back to the Romanov family and Russia and his family!


	24. Chapter 24

_Russia and the Romanovs_

Last time before we went to Armenia and Georiga's last segment of "Conflicting Views," we went to Russia to see how he was doing in hooking Nicholas and Princess Alix! I am proud to say…it paid off well!

After Russia convinced Alix to convert to the Russian Orthodox religion, Alix finally made the ultimate sacrifice to become a Russian Orthodox Christian! She also made the huge sacrifice of leaving her country for a good while! Russia also told her that she would pick the Russian language up easier than she did the English language, but that was a lie!

When Czar Alexander the Third finally died, Nicholas became the new Czar of Russia! He and his wife Alix were now the Czar and Czarina of Russia! However there were some issues with Alix and the people, nobody liked her, she seemed to be cold and unfeeling, but in reality she was painfully shy and it seemed the only person to understand her was her own husband!

As for Kaiser Wilhelm II, Nicholas's annoying German cousin, he gave up his pursuit of Alix's older sister Elisabeth and decided to marry someone else…named Augusta Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein, the last princess of Prussia! In conclusion he almost got his happy ending, just with someone different!

Anyways back to Russia and the Romanovs! The Romanovs went on to have four lovely daughters, Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia. Then their "pride and joy" Alexi came along! He was the heir to the Russian throne and the parents did everything they could to make him think that.

However a tragedy struck the family, Alexi came down with something hereditary called hemophilia! A disease in which whenever someone was bruised and cut, the internal hemorrhaging could prove deadly, but this happened mainly in boys than in girls and the Romanov girls were fine.

So where does Russia come into all of this? Russia was in charge originally of making Alexi feel better emotionally and sing songs to him on his balalaika! There was no hope for Alexi to feel better physically as there was no cure for hemophilia and the poor miserable little fellow would just be crying for his overprotective mommy! He would cry while Russia would be singing and playing the balalaika!

Sometimes Ukraine and Belarus came over to sing along with him, perhaps being in the company of Russia's sisters would cheer Alexi up. The trio would sing him Russian lullaby's and sometimes dance around the room, but that did not really go over well because Belarus ruined everything by saying stuff to Alexi like, "Get away from him you ill-fated brat!"

Russia would roll his eyes and say, "Belarus you're not very nice, go play with the girls!"

Though there were times when the Romanov girls felt jealous that their brother got special attention over them since he was the heir to the empire, they also felt horrible for him because if they would lose him, he would not only screw the monarchy of Russia over, but who would they have to play tea with them?

Belarus would have rather of hung out with the Romanov girls, after all she was good with children despite the fact that she was really psychotic! Belarus had a better time with the girls than with Alexi, as long as they were far away from Russia that is all that mattered to her. She could also put her major issues with mental illness aside and even enjoy being a girl with them…well almost put her mental illness issues aside!

In fact they usually snuck in with her "girl time" with the Romanov daughters!

She would comb Olga's hair, which ended up with thick pieces in the comb, "Ouch you pulled some of my hair out!" Olga would say.

"Who is the one combing your hair here?" Belarus asked defensively.

Belarus would play dress-up with Maria who was the "prettiest" Romanov girl, and make her play the man! "Belarus, are you sure I shouldn't just put make-up on? I feel really gross." Maria would say.

Belarus would smile and say, "Of course not, men are supposed to be gross, it makes them more manly and not…."

We're not going to continue with what she said to Maria, we're going to continue with Tatiana! Belarus would help Tatiana write "rejection letters" to this Romanian royal guy that might have been courting her and her sister Olga. However, the letters would turn out like this:

"_Dear Romanian Prince, you better stay away from Russia or else I will come over to you and gut you like a sturgeon!" _

That did not go over well with the prince, and therefore he refused to get engaged with Tatiana! It was not a complete failure, neither Olga nor Tatiana wanted to marry this Romanian guy, after all they wanted to stay Russia!

Belarus would play chess with Anastasia, and yell at her if she won the game! In the end the Romanov girls secretly despised Belarus and wanted to rip her to pieces, but they did not want to anger Russia, since he had an intimidating aura about him.

However that time ended when someone with an even more intimidating aura came along, his name was Rasputin and he was a dirty, smelly and disguising monk who could somehow heal people! He also engaged in secret orgies, brainwashed people and even managed to predict horrible things that were about to happen…man of God my…ok let's continue!

Rasputin was in charge of healing the poor hemophiliac boy, he did! However, he did not cure him, so what made him a miracle worker anyways? Chances are he probably drugged the kid with remedies that were used by the Orthodox priests, or he hypnotized him or he actually talked to him in a smooth calming way that Russia and his sisters, Alexi's parents, the doctors and everyone else could not do!

Ukraine did not have a good feeling about Rasputin the moment she met him! He looked at her huge knockers and said, "Why don't you come to my house sometime and we can play a game of hide and seek!" he said winking at her.

Ukraine smiled uncomfortably and said, "No thanks, I have a people to look after! I also have to do much farm work and much mushroom picking!"

Ukraine left immediately to go to her territory to stay as far away from this mad monk as humanly possible. Rasputin's table manners were awful, and when he was over for dinner with the Romanov family he would belch at the table, pick his nose and even fart in front of the kind, and overly too nice of a family!

Belarus was disgusted with his awful table manners, she would stand up and say, "Why don't you say excuse me? Who raised you to be a savage?" She would then leave the room even after Rasputin whistled at her and told her she had a nice butt and a beautiful long flowing blond hair! He would say this in front of the Romanov family at the table, in front of the children!

Russia would sometimes have to cough and excuse himself to go and calm his sister down, the Romanov girls would blush from embarrassment since they were raised so much better than this stupid peasant! Alexi did not know what to say about his "savior", Nicholas would roll his eyes and take a huge sip of wine, and Alix would then excuse Rasputin's behavior by saying, "He doesn't know any better!"

It did not end there! Sometimes Rasputin would try to follow the pretty but unstable Belarus around the palace to see if he would sneak a peek at her undressing someplace. This terrified Belarus and she asked her older brother to keep an eye on this pervert!

One time when Russia was walking around the palace, he almost walked by Rasputin peeking through a door lock! As it turns out, Rasputin was trying to sneak a peek at Belarus doing her business and then Russia managed to grab him and throw him into the window. Sadly Rasputin did not die, it's like God wanted to keep him alive, but there was really no reason to!

Belarus could not stay in the end, and when she left she said to Rasputin, "You are an idiot!"

It was now up to Russia to handle this pathetic creep all by himself, he could not trust Rasputin around his sisters at all, so what would make Russia think that Rasputin could be trusted around other women that were pretty like his sisters? Nothing that's what! I am telling you he did not like Rasputin and he did not trust him one bit!

After Belarus left, there was no other pretty girl to spy on…except maybe the Romanov sisters! Alexandria was still beautiful, but she was almost middle aged and Rasputin did not want to risk being kicked out of the palace sneaking a peak at the empress! Rasputin had to sneak a peek at those pretty, well groomed girls!

Rasputin was caught by the governess trying to sneak a peek at the Romanov girls undressing. When the governess told Alexandria about the situation, Alix yelled at her and fired her for daring to talk about the "family friend" that way!

When Nicholas heard about the incident he summoned Rasputin up and told him not to do that ever again and to stay away from his daughters, like any good father would have done! Of course Rasputin did not listen and Nicholas knew this would happen! Nicholas had the tendency to be ditzy and in his "own little world" but that did not mean that he was not suspicious of "Alix's friend".

The Czar put Russia in charge of guarding the Romanov girls personally since he was the only man that could be trusted around them besides their tutors, family members and palace guards! Russia cared deeply for the girls, and Anastasia was his favorite by far since she loved to goof off and be the hyperactive of the children.

Once again, Rasputin tried to sneak a peek at the Romanov girls, and Russia caught him! "What do you think you are doing?" Russia asked.

Rasputin smiled, "Uhhhh…"

Russia then said, "I knew it you're trying to sneak a peek at the Romanov girls!"

Rasputin did not want to have to make a lie up, that would get him into trouble, so he did what most evil monks do…try to hypnotize people!

Rasputin's lightly colored blue eyes were so easy to get lost into! Rasputin looked into Russia's eyes, but Russia smiled and giggled, "You're funny this staring contest is great! Let's see who can stare the longest and whoever lose has to do what the other says from now on!" Russia said.

"Very well, let's do it!" Rasputin was cocky enough to consider that he would hypnotize Russia like he did with other people.

Russia's purple eyes were easy to get lost into as well he also stood there staring at Rasputin like it was his profession. He looked cute and jolly while he did it, about an hour into the staring contest, Rasputin passed out with his eyes opened and fainted onto the floor!

"Yay I won! Now leave those girls alone!" Russia said.

He looked down at Rasputin, "Rasputin? Are you awake? Fine just lay there, that's what you get for sneaking a peek at the girls you perverted dope."

Of course Russia liked the girls a lot and cared deeply for them, but they would almost not have known that, except Anastasia, she was the only one that liked him!

After Anastasia saw what Russia had done she ran up to him and hugged him, "Thank you Russia! You saved us from that creeper! I don't know what I would have done without you!"

Russia is what we would say in the "model business" a stern kind of beauty, with his slightly hooked nose, full lips, his purple colored eyes, and platinum blond hair, how could no other Russian woman like him? Truth be told, he was so cuddly looking that many women would not be able to tell that he was somewhat intimidating!

Anastasia's sisters did not understand why she made an effort to talk to Russia so much, and confessed to Russia that she would like to "marry him someday". She even risked angering Belarus who hated anyone that came near Russia. After seeing so many Russian women drool over him in her presence, sometimes they would end up with a black eye or a broken nose after Belarus came into contact with them.

However Belarus was not here at the moment and Anastasia did not care because Belarus left to get away from Rasputin! It was her moment to shine, the twelve-year old decided that she was somehow ready to get married and walked up to Russia, "Hey Russia, I got a question, do you have a wife?"

"No not really, I don't have time to get married, I have other duties to attend to that are more consuming but necessary!" Russia said.

"Maybe sometime, when I am eighteen, would you think of taking a wife by then?" Anastasia asked.

"No probably not," Russia said.

Anastasia continued to bug Russia about her marrying him when she got older, finally to shut her up Russia said, "I might consider marrying someone someday," Russia said.

"Oh goodie, who do you have in mind?" Anastasia said.

"Well, she's not Russian, but she sure is pretty, she has beautiful blue eyes and she has nice boobs too!" Russia said.

Anastasia then knew he was talking about someone else and not her! Her boobs would not start growing until she was like thirteen, and that was a year away from now! Russia also gave away that this mystery woman was not Russian, so that left poor Anastasia out of the picture.

Things did not get any better for the family, Rasputin got a bunch of karma back to him by being poisoned shot and then finally drowned by a family member! The Czar thought he could take his country to war with his "glorious title", but that failed to.

Finally there was an outbreak of civil war after the Czar resigned, after taking forever to do so, when the Czar tried to make Alexi Czar, and then resigned him, and then tried to make his younger brother Czar, who also resigned!

Sadly the family was captured by Bolsheviks and executed on Lenin's orders since he did not want the Mensheviks to free the family from their iron grip!

Poor Anastasia, she would never get the chance to ask Russia to marry her, or even try to ask if he would marry her! Russia never got that message that she was flirting with him and thought about marrying him! While that was not a huge loss to him, he was devastated since Nicholas the Second was the nicest boss besides Catherine the Great that he had ever had!

Russia's days were numbered along with the Russian Empire countries, he needed a plan to keep a low profile, this did not work and he was captured by the Bolsheviks when he came upon the Romanov's chopped up bodies in this abandoned mine!

Turn the page to see what happened!


	25. Chapter 25

_Russia VS Old Man Winter_

After Russia was captured by those cold-hearted Bolsheviks, he was interrogated, beaten up and then put on trial! This Jewish Bolshevik named Leon Trotsky did not get his "French Revolution Trial" like he wanted with the Czar and his family. So to shut him up, Lenin decided to put Russia, the country, on trial for simply being under the control of the Czar.

At the trial Russia was kind of scared and to prevent that from being seen, he just stood there, smiling like an idiot and tried to look as harmless as possible. He had no idea where his sisters were and chances are they were hiding out with Eastern Armenia, Georgia, and the other Russian empire countries!

"Where were you on the night of the murder of the Czar?" Trotsky asked with Lenin sitting at another stand.

Russia knew he had to play stupid, which was not very difficult in this case, "I didn't know when they were murdered, how could I possibly answer that?"

"You do realize that murdering people is illegal unless the government does it right?" Trotsky asked.

Russia knew what he had to do, so he did that sound that sounded like, "KOL, KOL, KOL, KOL…" until someone hit him in the back of the head with a rifle, "Ouch that hurt!" Russia yelled.

"Now will you answer us? Unless you want to be tortured into submission of the Revolution I suggest you answer us!" Trotsky said.

"No we're not going to let him join the revolution; he's too loyal to the Czar and his family!" Lenin said.

"But sir, I didn't do it; I'm just a country I don't know when this happened! I just know that I went to town to get some vodka because it was so chilly that night!" Russia said.

"You were found at the scene of the crime, you were the one that shot the Czar and his family along with his servants and you were the one that chopped everyone to pieces and threw them down the abandoned mine shaft! How do you plead?" Trotsky asked.

"But sir, how could I have done that all by myself? It seems that it was possibly carried out by the Bolshevik party!" Russia said.

Uh oh, now the Bolsheviks had more of reason to scapegoat Russia, somehow he knew that the Bolsheviks carried out this massacre themselves! Who could have possibly of told him? "You are a liar and you are guilty of murdering the Czar and his family, may you be killed and killed well!" Lenin said.

"NOOOO! I'm innocent! You won't be able to kill me anyways!" Russia said.

The Bolsheviks saw to it that Russia would be executed! So they tried to shoot him, but that only made him tickle! They called Lenin up and told him that Russia did not die! They then tried to behead him, but the blade broke as it hit his neck! Then they tried to sever his leg, but that did not work.

They tried to hang him, but his neck was too strong to break and he was there for at least three days before they decided to un-noose him and then try to set him on fire, but his skin would not burn! They tried throwing acid on him, but that did not work either! They tried to do other stuff to him, horrible stuff, but those all failed miserably too!

It was then decided that he would be thrown into the deepest regions of Siberia during the wintertime! It was horribly cold, but still he did not die! What was up with Russia not dying? He was a country he only died when he was killed by another country! There is no intelligent explanation for this, so don't ask please!

Russia had spent months out in the cold, he did not like Old Man Winter at all, and in fact when Old Man Winter found him, Russia was frozen on the ground and looked like a very icy version of Sleeping Beauty! Old Man Winter he captured him and took him to a house where he had all the other former Russia Empire countries tied up!

"Oh God you aren't with the Bolsheviks are you?" Russia asked after he woke up.

"No, I am in fact with the Mensheviks! I want to prove to everyone that Russia is for the Russians only! This means that I'm going to have to kill your friends and sisters!" Old Man Winter said getting out his rifle!

It was doubtful that Old Man Winter worked with the Mensheviks, because he was such a pathological liar that his words could not be taken seriously or even looked at as anything close to the truth. Russia and his sisters found out the hard way when after their father and mother died! They were on their own and they trusted Old Man Winter, but they made a huge mistake in that.

Old Man Winter tormented Russia and his sisters by eating cookies and drinking kvass and not sharing with either Russia or his sisters. He then knocked them out on the heads, ran off and left them for dead, without food or water and from then on Russia held a major grudge against him.

Old Man Winter usually killed anyone that got into his way, whether it was mortal humans like Lenin or Stalin, whether it was supernatural human countries like Russia or Belarus, or even if it was a squirrel that was at the wrong place at the wrong time!

Most of these humanoid countries were impervious to the cold and did not get frostbite or hypothermia easily, but since Old Man Winter was a supernatural person, he could easily blow Russia and everyone else's brains out. However, he had to work extra hard to kill the humanoid countries because freezing them to death did not do justice since natural causes did not fatally wound countries!

Kazakhstan, who had tape over his mouth, was heard screaming! Ukraine started to cry, Belarus was furious, Georgia was heard growing like an animal underneath the tape on her mouth too! Everyone else was in denial pretty much, one of the countries fell asleep in this whole ordeal, and that country was in fact…Poland.

"I want you to watch Russia, I want you to watch your friends and sisters die, but first I will be sharpening the tools to kill them with!" Old Man Winter said walking out of his house.

Poor Russia then looked at his friends and sisters, then he decided to do something rather interesting, interesting to the point of insanity to the normal reader of this fan fiction story! He knew what he had to do, to save the Russian Empire countries he had to get them out of there along with himself!

"AHHHOUUUUTTTTTAAAAAA…..WWAATTTAAWAAATTTAAAAOUUUHHHH H!" Russia yelled out to the top of his lungs.

"Oh God, the Yeti call," Mongolia thought.

Oh yes Yetis, one of the oldest more rarer seen creatures in the Northern Hemisphere, related to the Bigfoot or the more correct term Sasquatch, the Yeti or the Abdominal Snowman lived in the Eastern part of the world, it was bigger than its North American cousin and it was louder, meaner and twice as white during the winter time as it was brown during the summertime. In fact it is stated that Yetis live in Siberia in the more remote places where humans hardly touched them!

Its fur coat would change white in the wintertime to match it surroundings similar to an artic fox, hare, or ermine! It fed mostly on elk, stray cattle from the Yakut tribes and wolves! Yes wolves were their delicacy! They would also eat berries during the summertime, Polar Bears and even stray reindeer! They behaved more like apes than they did your average carnivorous baboons!

However just because they were huge did not mean they were dumb! In fact, they were not dumb at all! They were really smart! The moment they heard Russia's Yeti cry, they looked at it as a sign that their brothers were suffering and that they had to go and rescue them!

Then a few minutes later what the countries thought was Old Man Winter coming to get them, were actually a huge pact of Yetis! The Yetis broke down the door, ripped the house down and Russia then said to them, "AHHHHOOURRRRRAAHHHH!"

They grunted and answered back, "OOUUUAAATTTTAAAA!" then pounded their chests like they were a species of artic gorillas!

All the Yetis, in which this was a group of ten to eleven, untied the countries, untapped their mouths and threw at least three to four on their backs each and ran off!

Russia was put onto the back of a Yeti with Ukraine and Kazakhstan joining him! Mongolia, Tatarstan, and Poland were on another Yeti together. Poland woke up on the back of the Yeti, "What happened? Did Old Man Winter come back yet?" Poland asked.

Mongolia rolled his eyes, "God do you ever pay attention?"

"You aren't going to fit into the Russian Empire very well are you?" Tatarstan asked Mongolia.

Belarus was the least happy of all she was put onto the back of a Yeti with Georgia and Eastern Armenia! She was supposed to ride with Russia, not Kazakhstan! Georgia was happier than heck to be far away from Russia! However, Belarus was sitting in front of her "rival" Georgia.

"Stay away from my Russia black bitch!" Belarus said.

Georgia rolled her eyes, "Oh please girl I will sucker punch…"

"Will you two please shut up and enjoy the ride!" Armenia said freezing her butt off.

The countries and Yetis were now far away, when Old Man Winter returned, he noticed that the house was destroyed and nobody was there, they were gone, "NOOOOO!" He yelled to the top of his lungs.

The Yetis took the countries to their isolated regions, which were colder than hell and full of female Yetis with three or four babies on their backs! Everyone was excited to see the Yeti tribes, the babies were cute and the Yetis somehow managed to domesticate the artic foxes to send messages to and from different Yeti tribes, I told you they were smart!

They also knew how to build fires, snuggle up next to one another for warmth and even could tell that Russia and his country friends were humans…supernatural immortal humans! Yetis were therefore not afraid of Russia and his friends, after all a mere mortal would not be trusted by a Yeti!

There is also a sweet story of Belarus having a close relationship with a Yeti… no it was not like that. It was more like a friendship, baby Yetis were the size of a 5'6 feet tall women…like Eastern Armenia she was about 5'6 feet tall!

Belarus did not want to talk to the other countries since she liked only Russia and trusted only her whinny sister Ukraine around him. One day Belarus was sitting on a rock that was in one of the Yeti caves. Her brother and the male countries have gone out to hunt with the Yetis, while the female countries stayed behind and picked frozen icicles so they could drink them when they melted.

She did not want to be there, sure these oversized winter apes were kind enough to her and her brother, but why did they have to be kind to the other countries too? Why could they not just kill them? Anyways, Belarus sat on the rock and looked up at the icy ceiling and then something grabbed her! Something big and strong…which turned out to be a 5'6 feet tall Yeti cub…we'll call it a cub and not a pup or baby!

Belarus was only 5'3 feet tall, so she did not put up much of a fight, the cub took her to his mother and the mother ended up hugging Belarus like she was her cub! Belarus thought this was so gross at first, since a lot of the mother Yeti's hair flew into her mouth!

"Let me go! I should have gone on the hunting trip with the men! Why did I have to stay here with the females?" Belarus said crying.

"Ouuuawwwwawwta!" the female Yeti said trying to calm the frustrated country!

That night when the men returned they all sat by the fire and melted the icicles and chopped the deer meat with some Yeti bones, since Belarus did not have her knife and even if Russia had his pipe, he would just be able to smash it, not cut it!

The Yeti cub and its mom hugged Belarus, finally Belarus gave up and hugged them back and Russia said, "Isn't that just sweet? Belarus is making new friends!"

"Yes for once she isn't obsessing about how she's going to marry you and kill everyone that gets near you!" Ukraine said.

Eastern Armenia, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Uzbekistan just laughed at Belarus' frustration with the "infatuated" Yetis.

This was paradise, nothing bad could happen now, except if Old Man Winter found them! Which reminds us, what happened to Old Man Winter? Old Man Winter had never been to the Yeti tribes and was afraid to go there, but one day, oh one of these days, he would get his revenge on Russia for making the Yeti call and having the Yetis rescue Russia and his fellow countries!

He sent his minions out, but they could not find the countries anywhere, they did not even think to look in Yeti territory since Yetis were too frightening to look at!

Now you are probably wondering where this is going since this could be the fan fiction that "jumps the shark" in this collection of fan fiction stories! Trust me it goes somewhere, Russia and the Russian Empire countries hid out with the Yetis for a good few years, then after Lenin died they returned to civilization….only to find out that Communism would never collapse until 1991!

After helping fight new wars for control over Poland and everyone else, something had to change, the weapons were rusty, and nobody was ready to take on Europe at all!

Then someone powerful, intelligent and evil took over the empire leaving the countries at his mercy!


	26. Chapter 26

_Letters to Stalin from the Russian Empire Countries_

When the former Russian Empire countries returned to their own territories long after the revolution, there were many horrible years to come, they would not be able to be religious without being persecuted for it, they would run out of harvest before it would have time to harvest stuff properly! Government made famine and bad weather would hit Ukraine's territory, parts of Belarus's territory and parts of Kazakhstan territory and many of the Russian peasants!

Many Ukrainians starved to death, along with the Russians and Belarusians and other Soviet citizens in their territories! Whether or not this was ethnic genocidal starvation is much up to debate, but for now, we'll skip the debate part and go straight for the part where the countries were under the mercy of Stalin!

The worst part was that Stalin tried to kill all these immortal countries, none of them were able to be killed off, so since it did not work Stalin thought that maybe they should make themselves useful by working in the Gulag instead since many of his prisoners were dying off too rapidly, not that he really gave a crap.

They could not be in their own territory to help their people, the people counted on these countries to help them since they were a personified version of them! Many of the countries were so angry at the unnecessary killing that they decided to write letters to Stalin personally as a method of complaint since he wouldn't be able to kill them!

Belarus sent hate letters to Stalin, not so much because of the famine, but for the most predictable issue, _"Stalin get away from my brother! If you try to rape him or marry him, I will rip your black ass apart so much that I eventually kill you!"_

Stalin threw that letter out immediately, reminded him too much of his second wife who had mentally unstable issues herself!

Ukraine wrote to Stalin too, _"Please stop starving my peasants Stalin! If you do then you will get nothing done! Please? WAAHHHHH!"_

Stalin also threw that letter out too he was getting annoyed with these letters, which ones could actually make more sense than the others? To him he did not see much of a point to these countries protesting. He just did not!

Poland was no longer a part of the Russian Empire, but kept sending Stalin harassing letters stating that _"I'm not afraid of you tyrant, I know you want my territory! You are just finishing up what Lenin was unable to do! If you were Trotsky I would probably shake his hand instead of yours!"_

Truth be told, Poland hated Lenin, Trotsky and Stalin. He did not favor one over the other, but Stalin did not know that, he sent an assassin to Poland, but it did not work! Poland survived the many bullets that were shot into him!

"I am still alive tyrant! Is that the best you can do?" Poland asked when he went outside and yelled to the sky!

Poland was not scared of anyone nor would he let anyone make him afraid! He did not care how ruthless Russia's new boss…or should we say new master was. He just kept writing Stalin annoying letters to the point where Stalin ignored his stupid letters. Stalin went so far as to stamp "Idiot" on them with a special stamp that was made for him to stamp the dumb letters with that required special attention from the NKVD.

The NKVD was the latest version of the Cheka (founded by Lenin) and the later more well-known KGB! While the NKVD did not really have much of a right or weapons to go and arrest Poland, they laughed hard at his stupid letters to Stalin.

Russia wrote a letter to Stalin also, _"Dear Stalin, Germany wrote to me and told me that his boss named Hitler wants to attack you and everyone else in this miserable Soviet Empire! Uhhh, I don't like the name Soviet, it makes no sense for Russia is simply for Russians!"_

Stalin threw that letter out too, why bother with information that was not proven, until it was too late?

Eastern Armenia even wrote a letter to Stalin, which was actually more different than the others, "_Dear Stalin, can you please get my sister Western Armenia back to Soviet Territory? Turkey has married her, converted her to Islam and even legally changed her name to Eastern Turkey! I want to see her one last time before we depart forever for a long time from now!" _Eastern Armenia said as tears dropped onto her letter.

Stalin's henchman Anastas Mikoyan, who also happened to be an Eastern Armenian himself, showed Stalin the letter. Anastas' big brown eyes turned so glassy that Stalin could not resist. Anastas looked so cute, so pitiful that Stalin had to grant this one compassionate thing to Eastern Armenia, which was really rare if you think about it!

After he bribed Turkey secretly to let Western Armenia come and see her sister Eastern Armenia, Stalin sent Western Armenia back to Turkey as soon as she was done making up for lost times with her sister Eastern Armenia!

After this rare compassionate human moment displayed, Eastern Armenia went and told everyone else that Stalin had "changed his ways" and "was willing to be a good guy instead of a bad guy!" Big mistake!

This could have been the ultimate event that broke the camel's back, but in real life it was more stupid letters like, this one from Uzbekistan, _"I'm hungry Stalin, can you please ship some grain to us?"_

Or a dumb letter from Mongolia that said, "_Please Stalin let me be my own country, I don't want to go back with China, China is such a whinny, complaining old man that I just can't tolerate him! Also give me some guns so I can beat off Mao and his communist troops!" _

Then there was this letter from Belarus which possibly broke the camel's back, "_Please Stalin don't molest my brother or else I will molest you!" _

Finally, Stalin got so tired of these "stupid" letters that he appointed someone so ruthless keep an eye on these countries! That someone being…General Winter!

"Wait, who's General Winter, that's Old Man Winter!" Mongolia yelled pointing to Old Man Winter. That was his old name, but he became General Winter under Stalin! MAH HA HA HA!

General Winter was none other than Old Man Winter! See I told you he was out for revenge, but you did not listen did you? Probably because this story got so stupid….ok moving on! General Winter had Russia, his sisters and his friends in a room, chained to the wall and pacing back and forth!

Georgia was angry that Eastern Armenia wrote a letter to Stalin and his goonies asking for them to bribe Turkey to let her see her long lost twin sister Western Armenia, like a few twenty or so episodes back, Western Armenia had married Turkey, converted to Islam and changed her name legally to Eastern Turkey.

"Thanks a lot Armenia, if it weren't for your sentiments of missing your sister Western Armenia, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Georgia said.

"Oh sure, let's just play the blame game! It's my turn now, if it weren't for your own countryman whose a Georgian like you, we would not be here at all!" Eastern Armenia said.

"Please I want nothing to do with this countryman of mine! I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian; I refuse to be an atheist…Almast!" Georgia said.

"Shut up Tamara!" Armenia yelled.

"Ok you two that is enough!" Kazakhstan yelled being annoyed by these hotheaded women from the Caucasian mountains!

"I'm hungry can we get some grain in here?" Uzbekistan asked.

"Hello Russia it's fun to see that you are terrified that Stalin put me in charge to assure you that you behave yourself!" General Winter said smiling!

Belarus was not scared to back-sass General Winter, "We would never listen to the likes of you, you stay away from my…"

"Shut up bitch!" General Winter said slapping Belarus in the face.

"You don't hit women that's just mean!" Ukraine said as her eyes started tearing up.

"Oh stop crying you baby, get me more grain, on the double!" General Winter yelled cracking his whip onto the ground!

"Where are the Yetis to save us now?" Eastern Armenia asked looking up to the ceiling.

Now you are probably wondering where the Yetis were to save Russia and his friends? I will be happy to tell you that…they were nowhere near Russia and his friends. When they rescued them before, they were farther up north and in the non-human regions of Siberia! This was the Siberia in which humans were located, and Yetis did not like regular humans since humans were mean and had the tendency to kill them for their fur!

So Russia, his sisters and his friends were out of luck! General Winter like I said earlier could kill Russia and his friends easily since he was a supernatural being, but what he could not understand was how the human body worked…for countries or for regular mortals. Regular mortals would die from starvation and malnutrition.

You see despite the fact that countries could starve, they could not starve to death! However, they would be flattened and be skinny by the time the nutrition was out of their systems completely. They still needed food or else the starvation would leave them paralyzed and unable to move and do slave work! How does this not make sense you asked? Don't ask please, just go along with it!

"Uzbekistan needs food!" Georgia yelled.

"No he doesn't, he looks fine to me!" General Winter said.

"No he really needs food he's getting skinnier and skinnier by the moment! Ukraine is starting to get skinnier and skinnier too!" Armenia yelled.

"Stop with the drama queen act!" General Winter yelled.

"But if my sister starves she will flatten out and be paralyzed, she won't die, but she won't be able to work either." Russia said.

"It's not my problem!" General Winter said.

"It is if Stalin yells at you for keeping us in bad enough shape to stop us from working!" Russia yelled.

"True, but he won't be able to kill me, so it's not like I'm in a hurry to do my job right!" General Winter said.

"But how will you have your revenge if we can't work like slaves after we flatten out and succumb to paralysis?" Belarus asked.

"I would just laugh at all of you and possibly kick you all in the stomachs," General Winter said.

The questions went on for hours and hours, until General Winter finally said, "Maybe I should just shoot all of you in the heads and make it the end of all of you!"

"Don't be stupid, how will the Soviet Union flourish without our slave labor?" Ukraine asked.

"Good point, I'll just go out and find you food!" General Winter yelled running out into the winter night.

He came back with herring and sturgeon for the "slaves" to eat. After they got their strength back, they beat up General Winter and ran the heck away from him! Weeks later they were caught and sentence to twelve years of hard labor, whereas Russia was the only one that was allowed to come and live in Moscow so that Stalin could use him for more diabolical reasons!

Let's see what Assyria and England are up to! Can you believe that they met up again? Can you believe it?


	27. Chapter 27

_England Reunites with Assyria _

In the 1960s, after WW2 and in the middle of the Cold War, Assyria suffered from boredom and fear that she might be killed by Iraq. Like we said earlier, unless her killer was Iraq or some other immortal country, she was impervious to bullets, axes and other stuff used by mortals and by natural disasters since they were mortal too.

With fear of the racist Bath party of Iraq about to take over, Assyria knew she had to get out of there! Despite the fact that Iraq hated her guts, he did not want to kill her like his people were doing to the Assyrians and the Kurds.

He met up with her one day and said, "Why don't you take a holiday in Europe somewhere?"

"I can't I have to make sure that my people don't get annihilated by the evil Islamists that hate ancient Christians like me!" Assyria said looking down and depressed.

"For God Sakes, just do it and get it over with, then if you feel you are gutsy enough, come back and prove it!" Iraq said.

"Oh thank you Iraq! You are a charm!" She then hugged him and she could have sworn that she caused him to have an erection. After all Iraq didn't hate the Assyrians really, he just did not like the fact that they were Christians and would have rather they would have been Muslim.

You wonder how Iraq ever met Assyria, good question, which will be answered…now! Back in the old days before the Roman Empire fell and Byzantium was killed by Ottoman Empire, Assyria was walking one day on the path when she heard someone crying. She saw that it was a young boy who looked like he was a Semitic breed like her and the Jews of the Middle East.

Assyria walked up to him, "Hello who are you? Are you lost?"

"Why do you care? Saudi Arabia just dropped me off like I'm nothing at all! He dumped Syria, Yemen, and all my other brothers and sisters off around the Middle East and North Africa! He took control of Egypt and Lebanon and everyone else!" Iraq said crying.

"Oh dear what is your name? I'm Assyria, I'm a Catholic and I'm totally for Jesus Christ!" Assyria said.

"Cool I'm a Muslim, we have the same prophet!" Iraq said.

"Wait what do you mean prophet?" Assyria asked.

"Jesus is widely respected throughout the Muslim world. But our true last prophet happens to be the Prophet Mohammad! I met him and he's a fine gentleman, but he died a few hundred years ago before my adoptive brothers and sisters split off throughout the Middle East and North Africa." Iraq said.

"Oh you have brothers and sisters?" Assyria asked.

Iraq then used his fingers to count all his siblings, "Yes there is Syria, Jordan, Yemen, Palestine and there is me…Iraq! Our adoptive father is Saudi Arabia, but we call him Arabia, and together we are all the Arab nations of the Middle East! We also took in Egypt, Algeria and…"

"Wait you are adopted?" Assyria asked.

"We're all adopted, we were found as feral children by Arabia. He noticed that we were all countries and he took us all in and nurtured us, but lately we have been fighting about what is good and what isn't good for ourselves and our tribesmen. Now we have to rule our own territories because we have different customs than the rest of us do!" Iraq said.

"Oh dear, well since you are already here, why don't I let you live here." Assyria said.

"You would do that for me?" Iraq asked, as Assyria picked him up and took him out into the horizon.

"Sure do I have much of a choice?" Assyria asked.

The next day, Assyria took a flight out of Iraq to England, where she met England at the airport after calling him, "England I'm so happy to see you!" she said running up to him and hugging him tightly!

"Me too, come on let's go have lunch and visit the museums! Oh you will love London now that we rebuild after Germany attacked us!" England said.

They went to visit the museums, the Churchill Museum, Buckingham Palace, the wax museum, Winsor Palace, Hampton Court, the Tower of London, Stonehenge which bored Assyria, and of course, Oxford! They had lunch on the steps of the British Museum and were enjoying their time together as…friends fore that is all they will ever be!

"I'm curious, why didn't you come and rescue me from those horrible Iraqi radicals that went and massacred my people?" Assyria asked.

"Oh about that, well you would have to ask my boss about that, I'm not really into politics in the Middle East, I was only there to dig up treasure in the Syrian desert and…."

"But you joined up with the rebel Arabs who rebelled against the Ottomans, what was that about?" Assyria asked.

"Like I said I'm not really into politics, and…"

As England spoke more from his brain than from his heart, Assyria sensed this and decided to really put him on the spot, "So why did you let my people get massacred after your government said they would protect us from Arab Islamists?" Assyria asked.

"From what?" England asked trying to look like he did not know what she was talking about.

"Never mind, this conversation was stupid to begin with. Anyways have you found a girlfriend?" Assyria asked.

"Oh why do you ask that?" England asked.

"I just wanted to know because you are so busy with wars and France harassing you and America annoying you, and well you don't have time to read my letters and I assume you have a mistress or you found a wife." Assyria said.

"I don't know how about you? Have you found love yet?" England asked.

"No not really, I haven't had time to find a boyfriend or husband, although there was this one guy that I met when I was just a young conquered nation." Assyria said.

Being a Christian in an Islamic country now-a-days was almost impossible when you had no legal right to defend yourself from government officials. She did have fond memories of Iraq when they first met! She began to think about when she met Iraq, how she taught him how to read and write in the Arabic language that she was forced to learn by him and how she would run to him for protection from the Ottoman Empire and Kurdistan.

Back to the present, England asked, "Assyria, are you there?"

"Sorry, just spacing out." Assyria said.

"So I have another interesting question…have you ever done it?" England asked.

"Have I ever done it? What do you mean?" Assyria asked raising an eyebrow.

"You know, have you ever been in bed with another man!" England asked.

"Why is this so important?" Assyria asked rolling her eyes.

Later on France was sunbathing on the beach near Cannes, where those stupid independent films from France were shown. They had a lot of nudity, violence and symbolization that America and England could not begin to comprehend. Oh well, who cares what those dumb English speakers thought?

England took a boat to Cannes and ran into France on the beach! "France, I have to talk to you!"

France looked up and took his sunglasses off, "What are you doing here Anglo? Don't you have a non-EU meeting to go to with your stupid English speaking country friends?" France asked.

"I don't have time for politics! You have to help me out! You are an expert at bedding women, where-as I am not so much so!" England said.

"So who is this woman we are talking about?" France asked.

"It's Assyria, she came to visit me because Iraq suggested to her to take a vacation to me while they get this civil war done and over with!" England said.

"So why are you bugging me about your girl problems?" France asked.

"She has an amazing amount of oil, and I want her oil so much! She is filthy rich and I am trying to get into her pants yes, but it's really the gold…I mean oil I'm after!" Briton said.

"So why would you go to me for help when I have given Assyria's people safe haven in French ruled territory?" France asked.

"Because she is a virgin and I want to be the one that takes her virginity from her!" England said.

"Please it's the twenty century, nobody cares about virginity like they did in the old days, I haven't been a virgin for many years!" France said.

"Wait did you say that she let her people run into French-ruled territory?" England asked.

"Yes so what? Who cares?" France asked.

England got mad, how could that bitch let her people migrate into French-ruled territory when in the first place they couldn't leave Iraq and let the oil fall into enemy hands? Why England had not felt this pissed off since Afghanistan couldn't be absorbed into the English empire, or when India left the British Empire! This was blasphemy, betrayal….letting her people migrate into French ruled territory without England's permission!

England went home and confronted Assyria who was watering a plant that England forgot to water for a week now, "Assyria! Explain to me now!" England yelled.

"I was just watering your flower, it reminds me of my homeland, it's a rose that falls and rises wherever the wind takes it." Assyria said sighing sadly.

"No not that! How could you allow your people to run into French ruled territory?" England asked.

"I don't know what you are talking about!" Assyria said dropping the water pail.

"Ah ha! You are lying! Admit it, you let your people move to French ruled territory!" England yelled.

"You want to know why? Because I don't want my people to go extinct! How would you feel if you are told constantly not to leave, even though you know it's the safe thing to do? By keeping us in our territory when we are surrounded by angry Islamists who want us dead for being an ancient breed of Christians, is not a pleasant life to live!" Assyria said.

"At least I'm not a virgin!" England said.

"What are you talking about?" Assyria asked.

"You know, you told me you were a virgin! You never got it on in bed!" England said.

"I never had sex in a bed, I usually do it in a tent on a couch, or I do it in the water fountain and sometimes I am forced to do with people! I'm not a virgin I haven't been one in over thousands of years! I have been around the block quite a bit!" Assyria said proudly.

"You sick freak! I can't believe I wanted your oil and that in order for me to get my hands on it that I had to keep your people in the territory so it didn't fall into enemy hands!" England said.

"You bastard! When are you going to learn that oil is nothing compared to what my people have been through over thousands of years! Thousands of years my people have been burnt at the stake, had their heads cut off, have been ravaged and chopped to pieces, hanged, boiled alive, skinned alive…."

Assyria went on for hours what happened to her people over many thousands of years, and England wanted to fall asleep. It just killed him that he could not have the oil or Assyria for that matter.

"But oil is a necessity, it's scarce and we don't have much oil in Europe at all!" England said.

"Unless you learn that oil is less important than human life, you are doomed to become a total douche! Good day England, I'm going to go to America and visit with him for a while!" Assyria said leaving.

"Fine just go you bitch! I never wanted to sleep with you anyways!" England said throwing a temper tantrum.

Flying Mint Bunny flew over to England, "England what's wrong?" the mint colored familiar in the form of a rabbit asked.

"Oh it's awful! She hates me for using her for her oil!" England said.

"If I was her I would probably hate you too!" Flying Mint Bunny said.

"Flying Mint Bunny, how dare you take her side!" England said crying.

"I'm not, I would never hate you England." Flying Mint Bunny said putting his face up to England and moving his nose up and down so that it tickled England's nose!

"Oh God stop it Flying Mint Bunny! That tickles!" England said laughing.

Assyria was on an airplane to America and she looked at pictures of her and England, she tore them up! "Damn jerk! I regret ever having any friendship with him!"

The Assyrian Lion God came to the rescue, "I told you he was a jerk! Besides he's white you're not! Semitics like you should not be with a white guy like England!"

"Skin color is not the issue here ex-lion god, it's the fact that England was using me for my oil! Jews and Arabs are Semitics!" Assyria said lifting an eyebrow.

Sadly, England and Assyria never tried to speak to one another again and it would be better that way! Although from time to time, Assyria would talk directly to England, it would be a nasty exchange because England was an insensitive jerk to her!

Let's see what Greece and Ottoman Empire are up to! It happened long ago, but there was a time when they were close…but only by 1-6% in our next story!


	28. Chapter 28

_Greece and Ottoman Empire Hang Out_

Believe it or not, there was a time when Ottoman Empire wanted to get to know Greece a little better. The reason why Greece was still a kid looking country compared to Ottoman Empire, by the time Ottoman Empire looked like he would be a young adult was because he was developing more slowly than anyone would think.

Back in the old days when Eastern Armenia and Georgia were still slaves to Ottoman Empire, Greece was in charge of washing Ottoman Empire's cloths and if he messed them up, he would get beaten to a bloody pulp!

As Greece grew older into a young looking adult country, Ottoman Empire got a little bit more curious about him, since Western Armenia would hang out with Greece more than Ottoman Empire did. So you are wondering what Western Armenia had to do with this at all? Don't look too much into it, she was just good friends with Greece is all, but Ottoman Empire had thoughts that they were conspiring against him!

So he decided to get some info out of Greece to see what was really going on! Greece went to Western Armenia's house taking some water with him, which perhaps it was acid or something like poison that he was going to mix into a drink? Ottoman Empire followed the Greek to Western Armenia's house, when he got there he broke the door down.

Nobody was in the room except for a few of Western Armenia's Western Armenian servant women! Western Armenia and Greece were nowhere in sight! One of the servants got testy with Ottoman Empire and whacked him on the head with a broom, "Ouch!" he yelled.

"You broke down that door! That was the mistress's mom's door that she gave to her when she passed on! How dare you break it down! It's more than two thousand years old you idiot!" the woman said whacking him with a broom again!

"Lady I saw Greece come into this house, he has been hanging out with Western Armenia lately! It's really annoying and I wonder why!" Ottoman Empire yelled.

"So you think that just because they work all day long in your palace and are your slaves, doesn't mean they don't have lives of their own? Get out of here you idiot!" The woman said whacking Ottoman Empire with a broom again.

"That was uncalled for!" Ottoman Empire said.

"I don't have any tax money to pay, go away!" The lady said hitting him with a broom.

Now this tax money that the woman was talking about was the tax money that Christians and Jews had to pay. Since most of the Muslims were illiterate and deprived of a good education and life, the Christians and Jews were much better off and had to pay a higher tax money. However, lately the Kurdish tax collectors and Turkish tax collectors have been harassing the women and it was becoming unbearable!

Ottoman Empire then ran all the way to Lake Van, which was in front of Mount Ararat! He huffed and puffed, "Ottoman Empire what are you doing out here?"

Ottoman Empire turned around, it was Greece! He was holding a scythe and had a basket full of figs on the ground.

"Don't you dare kill me infidel" Ottoman Empire said pointing a finger at Greece.

"Please, you're a non-believer so why should I care if I'm an…infidel? What does that word mean?" Greece asked.

"Well you know how Israel made that word "Gentile" up? An infidel is kind of like that word, only it means non-Muslim, whereas it means the same thing as non-believer." Ottoman Empire said.

After that awkward conversation Ottoman Empire changed the subject, "I won't beat around the bush anymore, why are you hanging out with Western Armenia?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"Why do you care? You don't even like me enough to really ask that question," Greece said.

"I just have the right to know, so that I can…report to the Sultan if something bad is going on between…"

"Please, just follow me, I will show you once and for all that nothing that we have been doing behind your back has anything to do with conspiring," Greece said putting his scythe down and walking away.

Ottoman Empire picked the basket of figs up, "Wait for me, you can't just leave me with this basket of figs behind!"

Ottoman Empire ran after Greece taking the basket of figs with him, Greece took Ottoman Empire to a secret cave that he had not known existed, despite living in Anatolia for many years. Greece opened the passage up and took Ottoman Empire, to a secret indoor turquoise pool. It was not just any pool with was a pool…with cats swimming in them!

"Wow, I had no idea that this place even existed!" Ottoman Empire said.

"Yes this is a place where the Van Cats can go and live without being persecuted by humans, and swim without having seaweed thrown onto their fur when they swim in the water." Greece said with a smile on his face.

Ottoman Empire could not believe that there were no hot chicks in this place, Greece pretty much stated in his own way that the hot forbidden chicks, were really Van cats! This was the hugest disappointment ever, as of what Western Armenia had to do with this, was his exact next question.

"What does Western Armenia have to do with this?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"She owns all these cats, she has been showing me how to feed them and give them baths, they love water, and so does Western Armenia. She is the more Mediterranean of the Armenian Twins, whereas Eastern Armenia is the mountain dweller and prefers lizards and goats and…"

"You are telling me this like I somehow give a shit!" Ottoman Empire said. He walked away from this secret passage.

"Ottoman Empire, do you want to make up for all your past and future sins?" Greece asked.

"What sins? I don't know what you are talking about!" Ottoman Empire said.

"You did kill Byzantium and take over his people, so if anything God is angry with you and so is Jesus, which means that you have to make up to them somehow." Greece said.

"Nah, I don't really consider that…"

"What about the Prophet Mohammad, what would he have to say about this? Did he tell any of you Mohammedans to kill unarmed women and children? That isn't a Jihad if the enemy is unarmed and hardly dangerous," Greece said.

Ottoman Empire then went from smiling uncomfortably to really frowning and looking down, "You're right, many of us Islamist conquerors don't know how to read, we don't know how to treat women and we are horrible people! The Prophet Mohammad loved cats, and if I don't do something to help these cats then I will pay for my future sins!" Ottoman Empire said.

Ottoman Empire then did what Greece said, he scrubbed cats on their backs and bellies, he put soap on them and bathed them since the Van cat was the only type of cat that was known for loving water. He then put ribbons on them to look beautiful!

It was then getting to the point where Ottoman Empire had enough of this dull business of making these stupid cats feel welcomed! Sure the Prophet Mohammad was the ultimate cat lover, but he was not the Prophet Mohammad and he was not much of a cat lover for sure, despite the fact that he had one cat, but that would be the only cat he truly loved!

Ottoman Empire marched to Greece to find that Greece was in the hot spas in the mountains taking a break from looking after Western Armenia's cats, but Ottoman Empire had no time to look for more secret locations that he did not know about.

"Greece, I am getting bored with these stupid cats! They do nothing but lick their butts, fuck each other and try to go around looking for more than one cat to fuck!" Ottoman Empire said whining.

"How did you find me Ottoman Emipre?" Greece asked.

"Eastern Armenia told me of a secret spa location in Pamukkale, she said they looked more like cotton clouds than an actual spa!" Ottoman Empire said.

"They are cats and they live a simple life unlike us countries." Greece said.

"That's all they do? They just sit there and wait for us to get pissed off at them? What the hell kind of creature did the Prophet Mohammad adore? What was he thinking cutting around his prayer rug so that the cat could not be disturbed during his nap?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"You know what I'm done with you, you are so zombie like that it's stupid!" Ottoman Empire said throwing a wet towel at Greece and going back to his palace.

Later on he yelled at Western Armenia in front of her sister and Georgia, "Damn it Manushag Hayastan! You have officially turned Greece into a cat-loving freak!"

"It was not my fault, he volunteered himself, I needed to give my cats a bath because they were starting to smell funny." Western Armenia said.

"We need to get out of here, this conversation is getting weird." Georgia said.

"I agree," Eastern Armenia said.

Eastern Armenia and Georgia snuck away while Manushag and Sadiq were yelling at one another.

Western Armenia then yelled, "If my mother were still alive today, she would kick your ass all the way to Constantinople!"

"That's stupid she's dead and we're already in Constantinople airhead!" Sadiq yelled.

"Go on call me all the names in the book, but I won't convert to Islam, not for you or anyone else! I am an Armenian, I respect cats! It is in my book that I respect creatures of God!" Manushag said.

"Please the Prophet Mohammad loved cats, so don't think for one second that Christians are the only cat lovers, although you killed them in Europe for being witches! That is just down-right cruel!" Sadiq said.

"It was cruel what you did the Byzantine! You killed him, you killed the only man that treated me and my sister kindly after our mother died!" Manushag said.

"I had no choice I wanted his territory and yours, so I took it!" Sadiq said.

So as the argument got stupider and stupider, Greece came into the room with a basket full of kittens, "Western Armenia, one of your cats just had a litter of kittens, what do I do to care for them?" Greece asked.

"Sorry Ottoman Empire, I have to go and lecture Greece on how to take care of newborn cats." Western Armenia said leaving the room with Greece.

Then the call to prayer sounded loudly throughout the Ottoman Empire, when that happened, Ottoman Empire got his prayer mat, lit a few candles to keep the evil spirits away, put many evil eye charms around a picture of the current Sultan in power and went so far as to get some holy water blessed by an imam…don't ask this was for spiritual purposes only.

He knelled on the mat and recited what he could of the Quran in very bad Arabic and started asking requests from Allah, who happened to be the same God that the Jews and Christians had. He was just called Allah in Arabic by the Muslim and Christian Arabs.

"Dear Allah, creator of mankind, the entity that put bread on my table after having been deprived in my own childhood! Who gave me this beautiful and helped me kill the infidels! I have more than one question to ask of thee!" Ottoman Empire said.

Egypt happened to be on the rug next to Ottoman Empire and looked over at him, "Ottoman Empire, could you not be so loud, it's so disrespectful!"

"Please oh please give me the straight not to smash Greece's thick head into the concrete and give me the straight not to bone Western Armenia when I'm not angry! I strive and struggle to be a perfect country and yet these other stupid Christian countries are giving me a hard time by making me help them with their chores, also why are cats so beloved in Islam? Can we possibly switch the cats with dogs? I know that dogs are supposed to be evil dirty and rabid creatures but…"

"Excuse me Mr. Ottoman Empire, but I am trying to pray, and I happen to love dogs!" Egypt said shaking his head with detest for Ottoman Empire.

"Please give me the straight not to bash Egypt's head into the concrete too Allah!" Ottoman Empire said.

Egypt rolled his eyes, yep that was what a typical prayer day sounded like every day just about during all the times when prayer was called and had to be answered. It wasn't like it was uncommon for Christians and Muslims to be friends, they have been friends for thousands of years side by side, but times were getting hard and Christians was so easy for Ottoman Empire to scapegoat…mostly because their Jesus loving attitude got on his nerves.

Little be known to Egypt and Ottoman Empire, praying in a separate room was in fact a lady named Kurdistan, no not like the one time when Mustafa Kemal wanted Western Armenia to change her name from Eastern Turkey to Kurdistan, it was more like the actual Kurdistan, the region that happened to be related to Persia!


	29. Chapter 29

_Kurdistan the Cousin of Persia_

There lived a beautiful country…eerrrr territory named Kurdistan! She's still alive today like her bossy cousin Persia (modern-day Iran), she was a natural blond and had dark skin and light brown colored eyes, and she was also about 5'9 feet tall. The good news is that she's not completely white-washed because as it turns out, there are a lot of blond Kurdish tribesmen and women!

Sadly since day one, she was very troubled, when she was a little territory she used to follow her older cousin Persia around during the old Persian Empire days, she would observe what her older cousin would do on a daily basis…planning the next move to piss and scare Scythia off!

One day Kurdistan ran into the room where Persia was supposed to be, but she wasn't there, but (Present- day Afghanistan) was, so Kurdistan ran up to Bacteria and asked, "Where did my cousin Persia go?"

"She went on a war trip like usual, Scythia is causing trouble again, Armenia is on maternity leave breastfeeding two twin girls, and I'm sitting here because Persia told me to!" Afghanistan said shaking his head.

"What about Assyria, why isn't she here with you?" Kurdistan said.

"Beats me, she's still rather bitter about Persia being an overbearing bossy woman country! God she is so bossy, but she's so cute!" Bacteria said.

"Ohhhh, you like her don't you?" Kurdistan said jumping onto Bacteria's lap.

"I do, but even so I know nothing is going to happen between Persia and I, she says I'm not Persian enough to marry her or have kids with her." Bacteria said.

"That's too bad, but oh well!" Kurdistan said.

Yep she totally had a bitchy demeanor about her, even when she was a little territory! Meanwhile on the battlefield Persia was looking through an eyeglass to see where her rival went to. As it turns out, nobody was in sight! She looked at Iberia, now-husband of Colchis and father of Georgia, as it turned out Colchis was on maternity leave too!

Iberia shook his head, "I just can't believe my wife gave birth to a daughter, I will never forgive…."

"Quiet, I don't have time for your woe-is-me story! Having a daughter isn't such a bad thing if you think about it! She might be able to turn out like me, she won't have to stay home and make dinner, do the dishes or have many babies to be occupied with!" Persia said winking.

"Oh God I hope not!" Iberia said crying.

"Wait someone is….oh wait it's a sign! Go see what he sign says!" Persia said pointing to it.

"I don't want to, my wife just had a…."

"But you are mad at your wife for boring a girl, remember?" Persia asked.

"Oh sure," Iberia then walked to the place where the letter was and he took it quickly and brought it back to Persia.

"Read it to me!" Persia said.

"Ok then, dear Persia, I can't come and fight today, I just remembered that I too might be going on maternity leave, I also think that maybe I could be pregnant and I don't want to battle when I'm pregnant, I hope you understand, being a woman empire and all. Thank you, -Scythia."

"Oh my God, she's pregnant too?" Persia said turning red.

"She said she might be pregnant, she didn't say,"

"I don't care, let's turn back!" Persia said turning her horses back, she almost left without Iberia, but she stopped the horses and let Iberia into the carriage and they returned home.

Meanwhile Scythia was snickering with her men, "I can't believe that Persia fell for it!" Scythia said.

"But what's the point to asking Persia to battle with us if you are just going to play a joke on her like that?" one of the Scythian men asked.

"Trust me there is a reason…." Before Scythia could finish, she started to feel funny.

"Are you all right Scythia?" a red-headed Scythian man asked.

"I'm perfectly fine…never mind, I'm not fine, I got to throw up!" Scythia then ran to the other side of the mountain and threw up.

As it turns out, she was with child! Her practical joke, turned out to be true, that was the last time that Scythia would lie about being pregnant, she didn't know who the father of her baby was, and even if she did know, she wouldn't tell anyone! She would just get one of the Scythian women to take care of the baby since she was the only Scythian warrior to go to battle!

Back to Kurdistan, when Persia got back from "battle" Kurdistan ran to her cousin and hugged her, "Cousin we were worried about you!" Kurdistan said.

"Don't bother; Scythia doesn't want to battle with me anymore. Nobody wants to battle with me anymore, let alone fight with me anymore!" Persia said with tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry cousin, I'll take over for you! I will fight everyone that I can!" Kurdistan said.

Persia looked at Kurdistan and smiled, "That's sweet of you, but…"

"No buts, this means war!" Kurdistan said.

Sadly to say, when Kurdistan grew up, which was a few years after she was a kid, she became a total bad-ass to the point of not caring if anyone died. She was beautiful, a total knockout, and she managed to become a burn-victim of two-degree burns on her brown skin. She was burnt from trying to fight Alexander the Great, against Macedonia and Ancient Greece at the same time.

She was burnt all over her face and arms, and Persia herself had to dress her wounds, "Damn it Kurdistan, you could have been killed!" Persia said.

"I'm sorry cousin, I had to do it! They were going to take the Persian Empire from us!" Kurdistan said sitting on a table and pouting.

"What are you talking about? They did take us over idiot!" Persia said.

Centuries later, they were taken over by the Roman Empire! They were now at the mercy of the Roman Empire, literally Roman Empire got a crush on Kurdistan and Persia at the same time, and he came to their rooms with flowers in his hands, "Hello doll-faces!" He said smiling with flowers in his hands.

"Shut up! Leave us alone white man!" Kurdistan said showing him her knife sword.

"Yah Kurdistan is right, you white men have no respect for women's authority so why should we care if you like us or not?" Persia asked crossing her arms.

Rome lifted an eyebrow, "No you don't understand, that was my leader's will to impose strict laws on women, I love women and love to take them to bed with…."

Persia then said, "I don't care, we're not sexual objects we're countries that have wills of our own!"

"Yah we don't want to be a part of the West! The Western world sucks, they respect no women and that bothers me!" Kurdistan said.

Ironically it would be the West to change their values to respecting women, and the East change their values to disrespecting women centuries later. That did not mean that Islam and Orthodox Christianity were bad religions, it just meant that putting them as religions into governments was the issue for religious minorities and for women!

Kurdistan was kidnapped by Ottoman Empire (present-day Turkey), he put her in his wagon and took her to Constantinople and put her in the harem with Western Armenia, Greece (modern-day), Eastern Armenia, and Georgia. Kurdistan would have none of it, unlike semi-Western women, Kurdistan was an Iranian for crying in the bucket! She would beat a man up for disrespecting her!

One day while under captivity, Ottoman Empire walked up to Kurdistan and licked her face like a dog would to its master, "You are a beautiful woman, I have never seen such a blond-haired Persian before in my life," Ottoman Empire said.

"One problem with that, I'm a Kurd, not a Persian! I am Iranian, but I'm not Persian, my cousin Persia lives in Iran and I speak the Kurdish language, somehow or another, my language turned into Kurd..."

"I just want to fuck you, is there any way you can stay in my harem with my captive Christians?" Ottoman Empire said.

"No I'm not a sex slave, I'm an Iranian, and I don't take crap from a man!" Kurdistan said trying to spit into Ottoman Empire's face, but she missed!

"Ok fine, will you capture some of your tribesmen for me and convert them to Islam?" Ottoman Empire asked.

"No do it yourself, while you still have me under captivity you must do it yourself!" Kurdistan said.

"Very well, you will stay here in the harem with me and your people will be forced to convert to Islam or die!" Ottoman Empire said.

"You are a bad man!" Kurdistan said.

"No I'm not; my bosses are just bad men!" Ottoman Empire said laughing manically.

Kurdistan managed to escape from Ottoman Empire, but unfortunately some of her people stayed behind in his empire as she went to fine her cousin Persia. She made it to Persia's house, in which Persia was happy living there under the Shah of Iran!

"Persia, Persia, Ottoman Empire is using my people to commit atrocities against Christians and non -Turks, what do I do?" Kurdistan asked out of breath.

"Just let him use them for a while, then when the time is right, go back to him and get them back!" Persia said.

"You're not helping Persia, sooner or later Ottoman Empire will end up coming into your territory and you will be sorry when he does!" Kurdistan said.

"God such a drama queen, I need some more grapes can you please get me some?" Persia asked.

"No, get them your damn self!" Kurdistan said leaving Persia's house and then going to Assyria's house.

She managed to get to Assyria's house, to warn her that Ottoman Empire was thinking about killing her people off in Ottoman Territory. Assyria shook her head, "I have no control over some of my people, they won't let me get weapons for them, they…."

"I might be able to get some weapons for them!" Kurdistan said.

Nope, Kurdistan lied! She did nothing of the sort; she sat there and watched as more of Assyria's peoples got slaughtered! Talk about being two-faced, just plain lazy!

Poor Kurdistan, not that we feel that sorry for her! She couldn't even know if she wanted to be a Muslim or Yezidi. Chances are pretty great that she would not care if either of her tribesmen went both ways, they were both good religions, just had a lot of bad people under them as all. Like the saying goes, there is good and evil no matter where you go!

Then there was that incident of which there was a huge holdup in Paris! Kurdistan managed to take a crappy Turkish diplomat hostage…centuries later…in the 21st century!

She was on top of the Eiffel Tower with Egemen Bağış, a very outspoken member of the Turkish gov, who was usually sent to the EU to complain about Armenians and everyone else that the Turkish gov hated. Turkey had little to no control over this situation, he was always yelled at!

Turkey however was able to make amends somehow; France called him up and told him to come as soon as possible.

Turkey was below the Eiffel Tower where Kurdistan had kidnapped Egemen Bağış and tied him up and put him onto her back as she climbed the tower.

Turkey grabbed the microphone from France, "Why are we using a microphone?"

"Because it's more romantic that way, I would never settle for a...!" France said winking at Turkey.

Turkey rolled his eyes, and it was understandable as to why! "Kurdistan, leave Egemen alone and deal with me!"

"No Turkey, you have proven time and again that you can't be trusted! Nobody in the West wants you at all! I don't want you, and neither does Assyria, the Armenia twins or even Georgia! Make that Greece, Hungary, Romania, uhhhh that guy named Spain, the two Italy brothers.." as she went on and on about this "woe is Turkey" crap, Turkey rolled his eyes.

Then Turkey interrupted, "You need help Kurdistan! Egemen is a pain in the ass I know, but what can you do? But my boss is even a bigger pain in the ass at the same time!"

Ops, this would make Turkey go into hiding for a while and then return to his land and then put a total lockdown on his palace!

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Kurdistan said, she then let Egemen go and Turkey caught Egemen before he could fall to his death!

"Now will you and Turkey take your stupid ethnic conflict to your own territory? This is stupid come on!" France said.

Of course that wasn't the last we saw of Kurdistan! But the next story concerns a very different group of people….the cannon Hetalia characters!


	30. Chapter 30

_A Date that Should Have Never of Happened_

It's a convoluted plot, but I will have to tell it to you in bits and pieces, though this concept has probably been done many times in fanfiction having to do with Hetalia, this one I hope is different in some way or another from the rest!

Now before we get started on this date thing, it needs to be said that Austria was having a Beethoven memorial concert where he would play in front of a huge audience of Beethoven songs! He was sending out an invitation list and Ludwig was helping him make out the guest list since Hungary was too busy cooking treats for the concert that she would have to put in the refrigerator at nighttime.

"Let's see, now that we got the ticket sales going well, we need to get the guest of honor lists, of course you, Hungary and I are going, but who else should we invite?" Austria asked.

"Japan is in town this week; I think we should invite him! I also think we should invite Italy and his brother," Germany said.

"But Romano hates you, don't try to break the ice so quickly with him!" Austria said.

"Nobody said he had to come did we?" Germany said winking.

"Good point, let's see here, I don't want Romania to come, I don't want Russia or Belarus to come, and I don't think we should invite Ukraine because she might start crying so loudly that she will make a scene." Austria said.

"Yes we need to keep crybabies out of the theater as much as possible!" Germany said.

"I don't want England to come because I just don't understand him at all, we can invite France because he is very cultured and has told me many times that he loves this cultural music of our German language speaking friend," Austria said.

"Wouldn't France cause a scene too? We're also not on very good terms with him." Germany said.

"He might and yes we hate him, but it's better than having crybabies like Ukraine. I look at France as being more cultured and more Westernized and that's a huge must!" Austria said.

Just then Prussia showed up into the room and hugged his baby brother, "Oh Ludwig I am so happy to see you! I can't wait until we go to that movie that we have wanted to see!" Prussia said.

"Uh about that, I have to cancel it," Ludwig said.

"Why? You promised big brother, I don't have any more territory because stupid Russia took it from me and now you are saying that you don't want to hang out with me?" Prussia asked.

"No it's not that, I have a concert to go to!" Ludwig said.

"You don't mean Austria's stupid Beethoven concert do you? I think that concert is so overrated, he needs to get with the modern program, those days are gone!" Prussia said.

"I hope you don't have any horrible feelings about this, since you aren't invited!" Austria said.

"I'm not hurt at all; in fact I will be doing something else with my time!" Prussia said.

"Really like what?" Austria asked.

"I don't know yet I will think about it!" Prussia said storming out of the room with his Gilbird following close behind him.

"Let's see who else isn't cool enough to come, I don't want Poland or any of the Baltics coming that is for sure!" Austria said.

"But Poland is Catholic like you!" Ludwig said.

"Oh that's right, maybe he can come after all!" Austria said writing on the invitation.

"Don't invite China and Turkey, they aren't Westernized enough to attend the concert!" Germany said.

After the invitations went out Germany had some thoughts of his own, he felt kind of badly for dumping Prussia his only family that was alive, for his longtime friend Austria's concert. He wanted Prussia to have a good time that night, but since he wasn't invited to Austria's concert, he wanted to think of something else for him to do instead.

This is where Russia comes in everyone! Russia was desperate to get his crazy sister away from him. It was one thing that Ukraine cried all night long when she found out about Austria's concert and wasn't invited. Russia knew that she wasn't invited or well-liked by the non-Orthodox countries in Europe! They always almost associated her with Russian dominance despite the fact that she wanted to befriend them.

Russia has even heard them talking about her behind her back in front of him, from her having a huge splendid rack to her being a crybaby who just wanted to make friends, but was too crybaby and Russian to do so.

"Please Ukraine stop crying, I'm sure that your invitation is late or has gotten lost in the mail!" Russia said lying.

"No, they don't like me Russia! They just don't like me!" Ukraine said with her head in her pillow and wetting it with her tears.

He had his other sister annoying him too! The one that wanted to marry him and have sex with him!

"Russia just marry me already and get it over with!" Belarus said sneaking up behind him when he was trying to calm Ukraine down.

"Belarus you need to go to your room and think about what you just said! I'm trying to calm Ukraine down because the non-Orthodox Christian club won't let her go to the concert," Russia said.

"I hate you Russia, but I really don't! I'm just mad at you for not marrying me!" Belarus said running to her room crying too!

This was too much for Russia to handle, he planned on spending time with Ukraine alone for a special night since she wasn't invited to the concert, but he needed to get Belarus away from them so that she didn't get jealous of Russia trying to help her get over her disappointment. Wait, maybe he would set Belarus up on a date with someone…like Lithuania!

Oh, but Russia had tried to set Belarus up on dates in which she was with Lithuania, but she would never fall for him, even though the best thing that ever happened to Lithuania was being drawn into the Soviet Empire! Of course he hated it at first, but then when he found out that Belarus was actually Russia's sister, he thought it wasn't such a bad place to be after all!

When she was forced to by Russia to go on dates with Lithuania, Lithuania came home with a stab wound in his arm, a broken nose, a bloody lip or some of his hair pulled out! Lithuania did not seem to mind this fore he was too blind and oblivious to know that Belarus hated him! Someone else needed to handle this chick before she went completely psychotic and actually killed someone!

Hum, there was this one guy that was unstable just like she was, but it couldn't be Turkey because he was a Muslim and it was too hard for Russia to let his sisters both be with someone who might wanted to convert them to Islam and kill their countrymen if they didn't. Besides he didn't treat Greece or the Armenian twins well enough for him to trust him with his sister Belarus.

It wouldn't be with Romania, he was so strange, he wore a set of mildly attached Dentures that appeared to be fangs, but everyone including Russia knew those were nothing but fake teeth to draw more tourism in his already impoverished country of many peasants and ex-communist fanatics. He didn't want Romania because Romania was hardly educated on European table manners anyway.

Wait; didn't Germany have a crazy older brother that didn't have a girlfriend? Of course he did, but how would he go about setting Prussia on a date with Prussia? Would Prussia even be interested in Belarus since he liked that Hungarian woman that was previously married to Austria? Would he even like Russian speaking women at all, especially after Russia took his territory to the point where he had to go and live with Germany until he got a normal job like any normal mortal?

It wouldn't hurt to try; maybe Russia could better Prussia's opinion of him! Think of all the nieces and nephews he could have by then, ok that was thinking too far ahead!

So Russia called Germany as Germany was getting ready for the concert, "Russia what are you calling for?" Germany asked.

"Uhhhhh, well would you like to set your uhh, brother up with my…uhhh sister?" Russia asked.

"I don't know if that is a good idea, I don't know where Gilbert is right now and…"

Gilbert burst through the doors, "Did someone call my name?" He asked.

"Ok fine we'll make it at 21:00 and the concert starts at 22:00! We'll have them meet at uhhhh that new restraint in town, uhhhh it's called _Die Wurst Heimatland_, don't be late!" Germany hung the phone up.

For those of you who have your head up in your ass, 21:00 means 9:00 pm in Europe, and 22:00 means 10:00 pm. Why so late you ask? Because that's what Europeans do, they work all day and party all night and go to bed around 2 in the morning. It wasn't a holiday so the _Die Wurst Heimatland_ was opened all night long until a good 4 in the morning.

"What was that all about? What is Russia calling you for?" Prussia asked.

"I have a surprise for you; you are going on a blind date!" Germany said to Prussia.

"Ewwww, with Russia?" Prussia asked.

"No, no with a relative of Russia's, I won't tell you who it is!" Germany said hugging Prussia.

Later on after telling Belarus that she was going on a blind date, Russia had her all dolled up and she cried like a drama queen because she felt like her innocence had be shattered. She didn't want to be with anyone else but her brother, but tough shit! She dressed in a lavender colored dress that looked too beautiful for any mortal woman to appreciate.

Anyways, Prussia dressed up in a chocolate brown suit that he borrowed from Germany, oh how nice it was for Germany to let him wear his favorite attire when on business! Prussia wasn't happy that he was being set up on a blind date, for all he knew it would have been with Austria or that silly North Italy that tried to help Prussia hit on women before.

Perhaps maybe Prussia thought this homosexual practical joke thing was going too far so he said something as he looked into the mirror at himself, "Oh Germany why do I have to go on a blind date? Why?"

"Because I want you to go out and have a good time, that's why!"

"But I'm not really hurt at all that I'm not invited to Austria's concert!" Prussia said.

It's true, Prussia was not hurt at all, what Germany was really worried about was Prussia crashing the concert and destroying it! And to make double sure that nothing bad happened as such, he would send Italy to spy on Prussia, Italy was originally invited, but as it turns out he didn't want to go and he had Romano go into his place, since Romano needed to get out more and get some culture!

Who else was going to keep an eye on those two? Romano didn't like Germany enough to do it; Russia was taking Ukraine out to dinner to stop her hurt feelings, Romania and Turkey…that is a different story! Japan didn't want to do it; Prussia annoyed him so much that he wanted to avoid him as much as possible!

Let's say that the rest of the countries that were invited to this concert were to attend, which reminds us, there is something else that needs to be said! Just when things couldn't get worse, France decided to tag along since he knew how out of control Prussia had the tendency to get.

When Italy blabbed to France about the plan, France decided to tag along to help keep an eye on Italy to make sure that Italy was doing his job correctly since Feliciano aka Veneziano was a tad bit naïve!

Things were sure to get ugly that was for sure, but it was bound to happen so bring it on!


End file.
